A Humid 54 years ago

Yes, it was a very humid July in North Carolina of 1963. The Marine Corp as usual had left one of it female dependant in a pickle. I was that dependant a very pregnant wife with a 18 month old very active son.

Air conditioning was some thing you read about in the paper. TV was just making its way down the East Coast. I remember watching some black and white snow that had some moving figures in the back ground. That was TV and I was unimpressed.

We had purchased a green hassock fan, my feet stayed propped up on it day and night for a little relief.

I awoke in the middle of the night in pain, my very large tummy had shifted from protruding out in the middle to the side. I felt very, very alone even thro I had a toddler in the house. My husband had been send TDY to Washington DC area.

I waited until the men had had to report to work, I called my husbands office. Bob one of the men that worked for him and his wife Betty had been to our house many times playing Yatze. Betty was expecting also but not until after Thanksgiving. Bob came after my toddler, took him to Betty to be taken care of and took me to the base hospital. I had spent too much time on my feet and pulled a muscle allowing my whole stomach to shift to the side. The hospital put me to bed for bed rest. The reason why I was on my feet so much, I had volunteered to help with Vacation Bible School. Not for the love of Bible School but simply because it gave me a two to three hours with my toddler in someone elses care and me with a joyous time with adults. When you are at home alone with a toddler for weeks at a time you jump at the chance to do anything for relief. The Doctor that treated me recognized me from Vacation Bible School Commencement. This Doctor treated me like the best Christian he had ever know because I had done such a foolish thing. I stopped and looked at my reasons for being on my feet and why he thought I had done such a stupid thing. I very selfishly didn't tell him the real reasons.

Fifty four years later a very humid July in East Texas. I find myself very much alone in the middle of a night. This time I have a husband in another bedroom dying of a very large tumor. This tumor is growing day and night the only thing we can do for him is give him pain medication. This time I am really not alone the son I had put in jeopardy 54 years ago by standing on my feet. He is trying to sleep in another bedroom, he finds it hard to sleep at night and is watching TV. This son has left his family and spending time with me and his father while we are waiting on the dying process. Hubby is becoming more confused by the day. I am not sure he is aware of what is happening or why number two son is still here. People are telling us how much together we have every thing and we are so strong to be able to do this. What choice do we have but to do this, we try to think of every thing that has to be done and just do one day at a time. No we are not moaning an crying, I do have my moments of tearing up but we are trusting the Lord to take care of every thing day by day. No we are not waiting for the Lord to make the arrangements we are making them. The Lord just has to be able to get us through each day that comes and trust he know when hubby has had enough and can't take any more. All the grandkids but Steven have been here to say goodbye, we can't find Steven but just hope he sufaces in time. It was good to have all the kid, grandkids and great grands here. Tiring for hubby and me but they all have said goodbye. P and family should have returned late yesterday I am so glad they got to take this vacation as planned. They will be a big help now in sitting with hubby when we need to go out.

Thank heavens for air conditioning the humid is terrible, I am running the air conditioning night and day so I may owe my soul to light company.

Being Baby Sat

I know being a caregiver is like being a babysitter, but having someone with me is like bein baby sat too. Don't get me wrong I appreciate someone else bein in the house with me while hubby is so sick.

Yesterday I did a dumb trick, I had a litttle grease in a little frying pan. I put it on the stove to turn back to liqud. Hubby needed something so I took care of him and by that time the frying pan was smoking. Number one son saw the smoke and picked up the pan just as it broke into flame. It took me a few minutes to remember and find the flour to put it out. We both knew not to put water on the flames. Now number one son thinks its not safe to leave me alone. Number two will be here this afternoon he has moved his flight up a day.

Hubby is taking more and more pain medication. I had to put three patches on him today. The patches are only 25 mg so they aren't very strong. I have to keep giving him pain pills off and on all day.

We took hubby out to lunch yesterday. We took him to Dairy Palace to get his favorite Taco Salad. He ate the meat and cheese off the top and very little lettuce. We made another stop to check on my cell phone as usual no information available from them. Number one son is putting me on his friends and family plan that will save me about $50.00 a month. That will help when every thing shakes out. We also picked up the mail all this is a pouring down rain. We got home being very wet but it all worked out.

Funeral Arrangments in Advance

We are going today to the funeral home to get some questions answered. It seems really strange to be going to the funeral home in advance. It seems to be the only place I can get my questions answered.

I can't find any way of contacting the National Cemetery. I have been told that it is the responsibility of the funeral home to contact them.

P is going with me. I am really glad I am not going to be alone.

Changes becareful of changes they will change the rest of your life.

The lyrics to this old song keep going through my head.

Friday night after a trip to the er and a cat scan. We discovered that hubby has a pancreatic tumor. The tumor is as big as a watermelon. It has effected his liver and his lung. It is too big for an operation and chemo will just make him sick. The result regardless is terminal.

We brought hubby home yesterday and hospice came to enroll us today. Albuquerque son arrived today to stay and help me.

The old Roger Witaker son Changes keeps going through and through my head.