Home At Last

I came home yesterday, and all of my kids called to see if I was alright. I'm getting around the house but slow. I started this yesterday and my computer crashed. I spent the day yesterday waiting for my help here in the village to be available. Gloria finally called about Michelle's birthday party. I bought Michelle a Bible book at First Monday sometime ago. I hid it in my closet and I found it for her. I'm sorry I didn't have more for her.

Penni is looking very tired, she wants so much to have this party for Michelle. None of the little girls from school showed up. The same thing happened last summer at the unbirthday party. Michelle's brownies showed up last summer and she had a great party. Her cousins being here has made this birthday a good one in spite of Mommie being sick and grandma hopping around.

I got a e-mail from a long ago friend. I have often wondered what happened to her. When they moved to Texas our lives took different paths and we lost track of each other. I understand we are both widows now. Maybe we can catch up on our lives>

I am still having trouble making the term widow apply to me. I am still having lots of pain in just moving in the morning. I have taken lots of pain meds and I will try to get dressed. My village help is tied up this morning, if they don't materize this afternoon I am going shopping by myself.

Busy Week

What a busy week. I have found a way to keep the power cord to my computer plugged in. Bruce went home Sunday and I found someone to wheel me through the tunnel on Tuesday. I got to spend an hour with Penni. Penni went home yesterday.

I had water therapy 4 days this last week. The pool will be shut down for repair the next two weeks so that is the last pool therapy for me. The pool was great.

I am sore but I am able to move around alot more. One of the pt therapist says she can move my pelivis and tailbone to relieve the nerve pain. I hope the doc's give her enough time to try that this coming week.

They are giving me a pass to go to Penni's for Christmas day. I hate that David has to drive me both ways. I need to call P later today to see if she has that worked out.

I'm going to read some blogs to find out what is going on.

Rehab

Monday they have a very agressive schedule for me in rehab today I hope I can do all of it. One of the doc's this morning said I would do good in water therpay I hope they schedule m.e for that.

My computer has not been working Bruce thought my battery was shot. I am getting a low message now. The cord for power isn't working unless I hold it. More later

Over

Surgery fiished, the surgery wasn't bad but due to a shortage of beds. I stayed in the recovery room until I could come back to rehab today. They closed down the recovery I was in about 11:00 pm last night. The warehoused us about 6 of us in a

larger recovery in another hospital.



Strange feeling to just be warehoused without a nurse assigned or even a call button to call someone. After a lot of yelling and screaming on my part. I got some attention. They were all too glad to put me to sleep to shut me up. I can't believe they would treat people that way.



I am back in rehab I'm not too sure how this will work. I am still sore and hurt flat of my back above my tailbone and my tailbone. Is this some other problem or just sore from all of the exercise over last weekend.

Surgery

Liz (from the surgerons office) came in a few minutes ago and said surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. This surgery is suppose to be a miracle. They will put a balloon in the verabay blow it up, they will deflate and fill the same space with cement. This is suppose to take care of my pain. I will still have the nerve damage to the left leg. I hope they will re admit me to take care of the nerve damage so I can move my left leg. I also need to be able to climb the stairs to the deck, so I can get in to the house.

Bruce is down from OK. He will be staying at my house and driving back and forth. P is back in the hospital. She has a bowl impaction and an infection again. I have tried to call her but her hospital phone isn't working. A early surgery is better than waiting all day to have one. They still haven't transfered me from re-hab to the hospital.

Will post more after surgery.

Catch up

I will try to fill in the rest of this story. I am now in re-hab at Baylor. I have a fractered veribray. No spelling book so my spelling is terrible. The brake is up under my bra line but my pain is in my tail bone. They have put me in a brace I have to wear when I am up. They have been giving me 3 hours of therapy a day. It is getting very painful.

We talk to the doc tomorrow about surgery.

More, More Pain

Thusday I managed to get a few things for Christmas at Walmart while I was waiting for a perscription to be filled.

I was very ill Thursday night and in a lot of pain. Friday morning when D called I couldn't get out of bed. It took me 20 minuets to get to the front door to let him in. D called an ambulance and shipped me off to the hospital in Kaufman. D stayed with me all day in the ER and unil than put me into a room. B came down and both D and B stayed with me along with Dr. Zaleta to see what to do next. We deceided on a tranfer to Baylor and me doc than in Kaufman.

Sunday was just a down day nothing much going on.

Monday we started in with tests and ended with a MRI

More More Pain

Thursday I had progressively trouble getting around with the walker. I managed to get some things for Christmas bought at Walmart while I was waiting for a drug perscription.



I hurt all Thusday night in bed and Friday morning I couldn't move. D called me and I told him I couldn't get out of bed. It took me 20 minutes to get to the front door to let D in. D calle ambulance and shipped me off to the hospital in Kaufman. D stayed with me all day in the ER

More Pain

Monday November 26 I had a x ray of my hips and a test for blood clots. They couldn't find anything at Kaufman and sent me to se RA doc.

I managed to keep my dental appointment on Tuesday.

Wednesday I had one of the stangest doc appointments with the RA Doc. It was very late in the day and every one was rushing arounding trying to get out of the office. The doc blew in for about two minutes and took one look at me and said saic nerve and left. I had this troop of people rushing around and giving me 6 or 8 shots in my back. I kept asking what they were putting in the only answer I could get was something like a pain killer you have had the dentist. By then I hurt so bad I quess I just let them do anything if it would stop the pain. They then used a 10 units on my back. While using 10 units they puts strips on my arch of my foot and my heel. This had needles in it that hurt like hell. I think they were measuring my nerve reaction> They were going to sent that off to be read<> I was rushed out of there with an appointment for some kind of a spinal cord test with dye on December 10th in Tyler.

I managed to drive home for Tyler after dark.

Pain

It has been less than a month since I have blogged and so much has happened. My whole world has changed. With M and Melissa's help I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner. I got through Thanks giving holding on to everything. Counter tops stoves any thing upright. B came down and I had all the kids together. We had a picture taken you can see it on Pat's site. I kept looking for hubby. We all missed him saying Grace. But his son did a great job.

Melissa when home and the house was very empt for Sadie and I.

Pain

It hasn't been month since my last post and the my whole world has changed. I got through Thanksgiving with M and Melissa helping me cook. I hung on to every counter top and stove to stay upright. They let P come home for Thanksgiving. B came down and it was good to have all the kids together. I kept looking for hubby he wasn't there to say grace, his son did great as well.

Melissa went home and the house seems very empty.

Pizza

Melissa doesn't like to hear my stories, so I quess I will just have to post them here.

When Hubby came home from overseas, the boys were about 2 and 4. Hubby was stationed at El Torro in California. We lived in town Santa Ana for awhile and then moved into base housing. Old barracks type of apartments three or four apartments downstairs and the same up stairs. We lived in the middle with aparments on both sides of us. They gave us a three bedroom apartment the boys had one room and we had another and the third was used as a storeage room. This was the last stop for us in the military.

We very seldom went out at night we couldn't afford a babysitter and most of the time one was never available. But, we did go out one night with several other couples to Irving California. We had red wine and pizza. I had never had pizza before and had never heard of it. We had a great time. Little old Pueblo Colorado hadn't heard of pizza. Hubby didn't come back from Japan talking about pizza. I'm sure some interprizing guy brought the idea from back east some where. Just a small little pizza joint serving wine or beer with pizza. About 10 miles from a very large Marine Airbase.

Well that's my stupid little story for tonight.

Pain

My walking at First Monday has really done me in. I at first thought that I could walk out the soreness from my walking, but walking has just made it worse. Saturday I went to workshop for missions at Mineola. I forced myself to walk in a large room several times. When I got home I was in so much pain I couldn't walk. I tried the heat and cold all Saturday night it helped very little. Sunday morning I even tried a epsom salt bath. That is a difficult operation in a bathtub as small as ours. I tried calling my massaage gal but didn't get in touch with her. I tried today my bone crusher, it seems to have helped. I'm still moving slow but in less pain than before. I've been doing two pain pills during the day.

Friends

The last few days my friends have been here from Albuquerque. That really shows you good friends when they come all the way to see me. Thursday we went to I-Hop to meet them for dinner. Friday morning they came for breakfast, it was teriffic. Melissa and I had to make quiche on Thursday night because the bakery didn't make the quiche.

Friday was Melissa Birthday and because she had to spend it with a bunch of old ladies her attitude was lousy. The Girls bought her a smell bear that smelled like lavender. She thanked them but not very well. We all took her out to dinner to celibate. She told me later it was a terrible Birthday. She much prefered last year because she got presents. I offered to buy her what she wanted but she didn't want anything.

Saturday morning we went back to First Monday Melissa now wants to buy everything in sight. I have trouble keeping a handle on the money I took. She is going to have to re imburse me for part of the money that was spent.

The little town of Canton was so logged with cars that we couldn't even go after the mail today.

The afternoon was just down time at home. I have been trying to do laundry and hem up some pants I bought. Melissa has spent most of the afternoon sleeping I have insisted she wake up but she has been watching TV and do nothing. I have been trying to account for the money spent, it has been difficult.

It has become event that Melissa cannot stay with me any longer, it has become impossible to get her to do anything. I can no longer put up with ther attitude.

October 24, 1950

San Bernadino, California 3:00 pm Temperature is a warm 72 degrees the sun is shinning, the sky is a clear blue. A young couple walks out of a church in the warm sunshine to see school getting out across the street. All the young students are glad to be out of school and are runing in every direction. Tena and Bill were just married in the Baptist Church. Not a lot of people were in attendance, just the brides parents and the groom's mother. Tena and Bill would begin there married life in the Mojave desert. There first love nest would be a 18 foot trailer. Tena immediately tried to burn it down by putting a cake in the oven and taking off to the base to pick up Bill a 20 mile round trip. Neighbors in the trailer park jimmed the door open and saved the day by turning off the oven. The cake was a crispy critter. Our biggest wedding gift was old coupe car. This really saved us we were living 10 miles from the base an really needed transportation. The groom had just signed up for additional six years of the Marine Corp.

This was the last half of the 20th century, the beginning of the Korean War. The founding of a dynasty. Four children, 3 living, 6 grandchildren, 1 great grandson. Three sons, first son with a doctorate, second son with a masters, third son died at birth. Only daughter's passion is working with newborns in intensive care. Three granddaughters oldest married, middle is making a career of taking care of grandma, the youngest busy being a second grader. Three grandsons oldest making a name for himself in media and news, middle is trying his luck with Walmart, the youngest is in construction. Great grandson living with his Mom in Arizona we don't see nearly enough of him.

We almost made 57 years and people said it wouldn't last.

Good News

I went to take granddaughter to her mom after school today. Mom was very tired it had been a long week of chemo and radition. While I was there she got a phone call from her doc's office. Her blood markers for cancer that had been over 600 were down to about 287. We don't know what is working, chemo, radition, prayer or every thing but it is very good news.

I had one of my newest friends offer to drive daughter today. This left Melissa and I free to go to pumpkin patch with Michelle. It takes so little to make her happy we have to keep up with her. We have been so worried about P that we tend to forget how much the little one needs.

P has a list of things that needs to be done. Melissa and I are going to have to start going over on the week ends and tackeling that list. P treatments take all of her energy. The thing that we can't do is paint her hallway we have to find someone to do that. I just had an idea who could do that. Next time I get a massage I will have to check that out.

After 10 days

Daughter is home after 10 days of being in the hospital. She has to go back Monday through Friday for radition. We set down and wrote down a schedule for the next 5 weeks. That means two to three trips a times for the next 5 weeks. Melissa has had to grow up a lot this last week. She had to give up two special things at Church one Saturday afternoon and the goodbye meeting for the youth director. I gave Melissa a treat today she had her first massage. I am trying very hard to see that she has some time away from old granny.

Daughter seems to be doing some better, she is able to eat a little and is having some small BM's. These things are what all the chemo and radition is for, if we can just get her blood marker's down. She has chemo every Monday the same day she has radition. Her nausea is over whelming I just hope we can keep it under control. I am so glad that Melissa is here to help with the driving. I drove all the way to Dallas on Sunday and I drove most of the way home on Monday.

We had our own taste tests today. Michelle, Melissa and I we tried 3 different energy bars. We have decided on one to put in our cooler pack that we carry in the car. Thank heavens it was the cheaper one. Melissa had a blood sugar crash on Monday. She had disliked her sandwich Monday and the package of chips didn't take her through the rest of the day. I have boiled some eggs and she is eating them for breakfast that will cover her protein in the morning. Now maybe the energy bars can pick up for anyother emergency.

I certainly hope Michelle will be better with mommy home. She just doesn't need to give her Mom the attitude she has given her grandma's the last 10 days.

I called Jenny yesterday I got a 20 minute spell and then came the clicher the enrollment fee if $500.00 per year.

Keep praying for all of us we are just doing what has to be done every day.

Columbus Day

I can't turn on the TV without someone trying to sell me something because it is Columbus Day. I didn't know that East Texas has a heavy Italian population? I know it is just another excuse to sell, sell, sell cars, mattress's and etc.



Forty four years ago I was very pregnant and living in Pueblo, Colorado which did have a large Italian population. Hubby was working for IBM and was a very big presence in the young up and coming young JC's. We had two lively little boys that I had trouble keeping up with. The wives of the young JC's had a maternity closet of clothes that was circulated among those that needed them. I was lucky to have the use of the black printed corduroy. The corduroy had litle pink roses on it. I thought I really looked good with a black sweater under the smock top and a corduroy skirt that matched the smock top. We were invited to a Columbus Day dinner. The dinner was held in the Italian part of town. The lodge hall was upstairs over the commercial stores down stairs. The room was full of long tables pushed together all the length of the room and as many rows of tables as they could get into the room. The chairs were back to back and very difficult to get up or down and neogotiate getting down the row of tables. When you are prenant you have to make a lot of trips to the little girls room. The speeches went on forever and the temperature in the room kept rising. The spaghetti was very, very good and everything that went with it.



These are my thoughts as we are approaching Columbus Day.

National Cementary

Maybe 20 years ago, Billie and I were attending one of our many Union Conventions. We were having breakfast in a lovely dinning room filled with windows. We could look across a busy highway and see the mist drifting over the tomb stones of the Santa Fe National Cementary. The peace that I felt in my heart was overwhelming. I said to to no one but with Billie listening I would like to be burried there. I later related that feeling and conversation to my hubby. He perked up and said he would look into it. I think he went to look for himself and felt the same way. Years later he tried to make reservations but they never admitted he had. Hubby was always so proud of the fact that he had served and spent 8 years of his life in the military. He would have been a career man but he felt God had other plans for him. He felt at one time it was in the ministry. But his ministry was with little ones, every time we met a former student of his they were always glad to see him. He made a big impression on everyone he taught, how much and what they learned we will never know but they did remember him. God used him to teach they little ones for 27 years. His ministry in a church was brief and short lived, his Alheimers took over and kept him from fulfilling that part of his life.

Hubby was so proud of being an old soldier. He worked so hard at the State Defense Force, he spent so many hours and so much effort into an organization that doesn't remember him or else doesn't exist any more.

I feel hubby is finally at peace and feels he is at last in a place where he is remembered that he did serve and with distintion. Santa Fe National Cementary holds many an old and some not so old soldiers. Among them are friends known and unknown, hubby and I went to some services there. Hubby was present at so many services for State Denfense Force friends, maybe they really are all gone. It is a comfort to know that John and Jean are already there waiting for us. Annie's hubby is already there and there is a place for her. How terrific that finally there is no secration and Annie and her hubby are as welcome there as the rest of us. Only in our lifetime has that come to past. I could not have made it through everything in Albuquerque if it wasn't for Annie. Great friends like that are hard to find.

I can't post about P yet the pain is too fresh and hard to bear.

Finally home

We finally arived home on September 10th. What would I do without great friends? I had a great friend drive me home. I was so afraid for Melissa and I to try it on our own. The three of us had a long trip. We didn't get to stop early enough and we were very tried by the time we found a motel to spend the night. We arrived home early on Sunday to a very good looking home. We spent 3 hours taking my friend to Love Field on Monday morning in a heavy rain storm. We then spent the rest of Monday at Baylor with P. P finally got to go home on Saturday. We were over their on Sunday watching the visiting nurse set everything up for P home care. I can't do any thing in getting the stuff ready for the night feeding through her tummy. I am so glad her mother-in-law can do all of that. I spent all day Tuesday and Wednesay with P trying to take care of her but I couldn't do much. Her hubby was out of town so I got to sleep on the sofa to just be with her. She doesn't need anything to eat. I have just been taking care if Michelle.

I am really concerned about the amount of home work they are giving to 2nd graders. It takes my grandaughter from the time she comes home until she goes to bed to get her homework done. She doesn't have anytime to be a kid. She seems to have block against spelling. No matter how much we go over and over her words she can't remember them. She sail through her math and reading. If she can read why can't she spell?

My friend here in Texas was over this morning. I called to tell her I was home and she came over. We spent some time in prayer and just discussing the current problems and my stress level. She is such a dear to be johny on the spot to help me in prayer and encourage me to just keep on keeping on. I tried to get Melissa to fix tea and cookies for us this morning while Elizabeth was here. She had no idea how to fix a tea party for the three of us. Elizabeth thinks I am graceful, I feel like I have gained so much weight that I am a clumsy cow.

I have been teasing Melissa that she is my Paid Ladies Companion. I just haven't fiquered out how to pay her. Unfortunately she has never read a Gothic Novel about the poor paid ladies companion and her mysteries. I'm going to have to find one so she can read it to me. I quess the time she is spending with me can be used in comon cent training and everyday home refinements. I am so afraid that I am wasting Melissa's life in staying with me instead of being in school or working.

Melissa tells me that we never had tea parties when she was little. I quess I was so busy with the Union that I neglected my grandaughter. The next trip to the grocery store we need little cans of bisquits. I've sent Melissa off to the postoffice and grocery store so we can have a tea party for dinner tonight. If P doesn't need me tomorrow we may go to the bookstore.

When it rains it pours

Trip back to Albuquerque was long and hard. Son drove all the way and I slept.



While I was checking into the motel P was being taken out by Paramedics. She was in the hospital for the funeral. What she said to me on the way out was take care of Michelle.

We had the funeral it went well, so many friends came, Bruce did a good job in conducting the service. The reception afterwards was marvelous I got see so many friends and visit with them. Liz at the Union office set up all the reception for me and it went so well. I still need to give her a gift for so much help. Talk about above and beyond the call.

I then spent to day in the hospital with a bowel blockage. Don't ask how that happened.

P flew home to Dallas and was in Baylor she is suppose to be home today. David and Michelle flew home and left me with the car to take home. I finally found a friend to drive home with me but we can't go until the Saturday after labor day. I am going to take Melissa home with me under a long contract of things for her to do.

Annie has been terrific in allowing me to stay so long. I am going to spend a few days next week in Farmington with Billie.

More later about my experience papering Albuquerque with Death Certificates.

Post

The only words I can think of to say to my hubby is
"Good night sweet Prince"

It's Over

Hubby passed away yesterday morning. here is his obit.

Died August 12 2007 he was born April some 70 years ago. He was U.S. Marine Corp veteran of World War II and the Korean conflict. Graduated with a MFA, he was a retired educator of 27 years. Volunteer of a State Defense Force with the rank of Colonel. He volunteered for the Red Cross and the Children's Hospital. He was also an ordained Baptist minister who was active in several churches. Services will be held in a National Cemetery. Surviors include his wife of 56 years, two sons and wives, a daugther and husband, one sister, 6 grandchildren, one great grand child.

Hard to sum up his life in just one paragraph.

Waiting with Computers

My living room is strange looking, I am sitting with both of my sons. We all three have our laptops and are doing different things. I am blogging, son one is doing research on his Dads family. Son two is reading blogs and I think blogging now.

Hubby has been in a deep sleep all last night, we all were poping up at different times to check on him. Pat and I changed him this morning and gave him more meds. He has been in a deep sleep sence then.

With number one son here it brings back all the trouble with the SBC and why we don't have the support of a local Baptist Church. All the time and effort hubby and I gave and all the rest of the family. Now when we need there help they are no where to be found. I am sure we are not the only one of the many many Baptist that are so denied the support they need.

I have told my kids never to do this again it is too hard. I know it has been the right thing to do for hubby. But just the being closed in the house and waiting for now 6 weeks has been too much. I could not have done it with Pats help, P and B have been here when they could. I have had there support or it would have been impossible. When my Dad died he was in a hospital and he suffered alot. They wouldn't let him have water it was bad for him and the pain was there you could see it in his face and his voice. With hubby here all you have to do is see the pain and you give him his meds and it stops. We have not allowed him to be in pain at all.

Another Day

P and I were up about 5:00 am with hubby. P had been up about 4:00 am given him meds tried to get him calmed down. She woke me up at 5:00 to help change him and get him up in the bed. He is so heavy that the both of us can't lift him enough to scoot him up in bed. He was so agitated we couldn't get him calmed down. He wanted out of bed, he told me " I know where to go, let me get up." He hadn't said two words yesterday, and he was so clear today. iI had to give him more meds including the cream that is suppose to calm him down. He is sleeping heavily now but is all scruned over in the bed. P has to leave about 11:00. Pat will be here later, I don't know if B is coming or not. I know I can't move him by myself, but I can give him his meds. I had to rub his legs until the meds took effect today to keep him in bed.

I have spent the morning reading blogs just to get out of the situation here. But it is time to face the music again.

Time is Near

Hubby is going down fast it was just Sunday he was playing balloons with Michelle. Monday night we started watching a John Wayne movie at 10:00 pm. He wouldn't let me turn it off to go to bed until it was over at 1:00am. Tuesday he got up and walked into living room to his chair. I couldn't get his morning pills down him or any food. He sat in the chair and slept off and on for a couple of hours. I ask him if he wanted to go to bed and he said yes. I had trouble getting him to stand up. I was holding by both forearms when I finally got him on his feet. He looked at me and said "Do you want to dance?" I had so much trouble getting him to walk into the beddroom. His legs didn't want to hold him up. He has been in bed since that time, but I can't get him to lay down. He is like the jack in the box. You lay him down and in just a few minutes he pops back up. He wants to sit on the side of the bed. This morning he was so close to the edge of the bed we were afraid he was going to fall off. P and I pulled and tried to pick him up. We finally tore the bed up pulling on the sheet to get him back on the bed and up to the head of the bed. The nurse and the aid or both suppose to be here today maybe they can help us get the bed straigthened out.

Hubby is just like he is in a fog. We can't get him to stand up or move when we ask him to he looks at us and recognizes us. His body and his brain are not working together. He doesn't seem to process what we say to him.

Pat is still in Albuquerque, he seems to be getting his leave straigthened out so he can be here for at least the next 10 days or so. P is taking time off work to be here with me Michelle doesn't want to be left out. I'm not so sure it is good for her to be here at this time but she wants to be with mom and grandma.

My shingles started being so painful yesterday and I am having to take more medication. Three a day instead of the two I have been getting away with. I just seem to be in limbo I don't know what to do most of the time. I just do things by rote, make the bed, put dishes in the dishwasher. We finally have hubby in bed and asleep. Maybe I can take a shower.

Hubby of the Night

We never know how Hubby will be in the middle of the night. One night he turned on all the lights in one end of the house at 1:30 AM. He was holding on to the door frame between the his bedroom and the bathroom. He told me he could see from there how to get in the bathroom and the bedroom. He was so lost, we couldn't get him to lay down in bed. He just wanted to sit on the side of the bed.

Another night he was awake about 1:30 AM and all he wanted to do was give me a hug and tell me how much he loved me. He was so clear it was a shame to try and get him to go back to bed.
I seem to be the only one that can get him to bed, I just give him a hug and kiss on the cheek or forehead and tell him good night.

I then lay awake and listen to the clock chime. The clock is a mantle windup clock with Westminister chimes on the quarter hour and the hour it gongs once for every hour. Hubby and I found the clock in a antique shop 10 or 15 years ago. Hubby bought it for me for Valentine's Day. The clock stopped working about 8 years ago, it cost me as much as the clock cost to have it fixed.

P wanted the clock and I gave it to her but her husband couldn't get use to it chiming at night. I ask for it as long as we are in East Texas. It's a very comforting sound to hear it chime at night while I am trying to get hubby to sleep. Hubby seems to have his days and nights mixed up or else he just have to stay awake after he has been asleep so long.

They are trying to make P go back to Alb. to school next week, we are going to try the Union tomorrow. As much work for the Union and APS as I did they have to give him some kind of leave when we need it.

As Time Goes By

The song title is "AS TIME GOES By". You can see posting at 11:00 is not a goo idea either.

Time Goes By

Pat and I are sitting here waiting as "Times Goes By". TV is impossible Pat had me expand the chanels on Dish so we can get all of them. It does give us a lot more to choose from. It's too hot to do anything outside the humidity is horrible. We are eating non stop and watching tv and dvd's. I feel like time and the world is passing us by. I have been spending some time on the phone with friends.

We are having a bad time managing the pain hubby is having. He is always rubbing his tummy saying that it hurts. His tummy is expanding rapidly, we are down to pj bottoms for trousers during the day. He says the pain meds are taking care of the pain at the top of his tummy but not the bottom. His tummy is so large I am really afraid of it popping. Pat thinks the mass is pressing on the scars from previous surgery. We are also afraid it is pressing on the bladder. Visiting nurse says she will keep us supplied with what ever pain meds we need to keep him comfortable. I hate to see him in pain until we can get the meds down him.

Pat and hubby are asleep. I have slept most of day so I am wide awake, I need to try to go to sleep.

Sorry about the last post, it goes to prove that posts at 3:00 AM are not the best. The year was 1953 when Pat was born not 1963.

About Pat I couldn't have done this without him. He has been here day in and day out, leaving his home, family and life behind to be here. He has gone home twice for book signings and to get text books for this coming year. He is going to send lesson plans for the first couple of weeks just in case I need him that long.

We have tried to get a time line and no one is able to give us one. Hubby is one tough marine and is holding on by everything in him. Everyone is amazing at how long it is taking. He is suppose to be sleeping more and more. Only he is awake more and more. It tears me up to see him in so much pain. Oh well I need to try and go to sleep.

A Humid 54 years ago

Yes, it was a very humid July in North Carolina of 1963. The Marine Corp as usual had left one of it female dependant in a pickle. I was that dependant a very pregnant wife with a 18 month old very active son.

Air conditioning was some thing you read about in the paper. TV was just making its way down the East Coast. I remember watching some black and white snow that had some moving figures in the back ground. That was TV and I was unimpressed.

We had purchased a green hassock fan, my feet stayed propped up on it day and night for a little relief.

I awoke in the middle of the night in pain, my very large tummy had shifted from protruding out in the middle to the side. I felt very, very alone even thro I had a toddler in the house. My husband had been send TDY to Washington DC area.

I waited until the men had had to report to work, I called my husbands office. Bob one of the men that worked for him and his wife Betty had been to our house many times playing Yatze. Betty was expecting also but not until after Thanksgiving. Bob came after my toddler, took him to Betty to be taken care of and took me to the base hospital. I had spent too much time on my feet and pulled a muscle allowing my whole stomach to shift to the side. The hospital put me to bed for bed rest. The reason why I was on my feet so much, I had volunteered to help with Vacation Bible School. Not for the love of Bible School but simply because it gave me a two to three hours with my toddler in someone elses care and me with a joyous time with adults. When you are at home alone with a toddler for weeks at a time you jump at the chance to do anything for relief. The Doctor that treated me recognized me from Vacation Bible School Commencement. This Doctor treated me like the best Christian he had ever know because I had done such a foolish thing. I stopped and looked at my reasons for being on my feet and why he thought I had done such a stupid thing. I very selfishly didn't tell him the real reasons.

Fifty four years later a very humid July in East Texas. I find myself very much alone in the middle of a night. This time I have a husband in another bedroom dying of a very large tumor. This tumor is growing day and night the only thing we can do for him is give him pain medication. This time I am really not alone the son I had put in jeopardy 54 years ago by standing on my feet. He is trying to sleep in another bedroom, he finds it hard to sleep at night and is watching TV. This son has left his family and spending time with me and his father while we are waiting on the dying process. Hubby is becoming more confused by the day. I am not sure he is aware of what is happening or why number two son is still here. People are telling us how much together we have every thing and we are so strong to be able to do this. What choice do we have but to do this, we try to think of every thing that has to be done and just do one day at a time. No we are not moaning an crying, I do have my moments of tearing up but we are trusting the Lord to take care of every thing day by day. No we are not waiting for the Lord to make the arrangements we are making them. The Lord just has to be able to get us through each day that comes and trust he know when hubby has had enough and can't take any more. All the grandkids but Steven have been here to say goodbye, we can't find Steven but just hope he sufaces in time. It was good to have all the kid, grandkids and great grands here. Tiring for hubby and me but they all have said goodbye. P and family should have returned late yesterday I am so glad they got to take this vacation as planned. They will be a big help now in sitting with hubby when we need to go out.

Thank heavens for air conditioning the humid is terrible, I am running the air conditioning night and day so I may owe my soul to light company.

Being Baby Sat

I know being a caregiver is like being a babysitter, but having someone with me is like bein baby sat too. Don't get me wrong I appreciate someone else bein in the house with me while hubby is so sick.

Yesterday I did a dumb trick, I had a litttle grease in a little frying pan. I put it on the stove to turn back to liqud. Hubby needed something so I took care of him and by that time the frying pan was smoking. Number one son saw the smoke and picked up the pan just as it broke into flame. It took me a few minutes to remember and find the flour to put it out. We both knew not to put water on the flames. Now number one son thinks its not safe to leave me alone. Number two will be here this afternoon he has moved his flight up a day.

Hubby is taking more and more pain medication. I had to put three patches on him today. The patches are only 25 mg so they aren't very strong. I have to keep giving him pain pills off and on all day.

We took hubby out to lunch yesterday. We took him to Dairy Palace to get his favorite Taco Salad. He ate the meat and cheese off the top and very little lettuce. We made another stop to check on my cell phone as usual no information available from them. Number one son is putting me on his friends and family plan that will save me about $50.00 a month. That will help when every thing shakes out. We also picked up the mail all this is a pouring down rain. We got home being very wet but it all worked out.

Funeral Arrangments in Advance

We are going today to the funeral home to get some questions answered. It seems really strange to be going to the funeral home in advance. It seems to be the only place I can get my questions answered.

I can't find any way of contacting the National Cemetery. I have been told that it is the responsibility of the funeral home to contact them.

P is going with me. I am really glad I am not going to be alone.

Changes becareful of changes they will change the rest of your life.

The lyrics to this old song keep going through my head.

Friday night after a trip to the er and a cat scan. We discovered that hubby has a pancreatic tumor. The tumor is as big as a watermelon. It has effected his liver and his lung. It is too big for an operation and chemo will just make him sick. The result regardless is terminal.

We brought hubby home yesterday and hospice came to enroll us today. Albuquerque son arrived today to stay and help me.

The old Roger Witaker son Changes keeps going through and through my head.

Nasty Blog

I am very unhappy with both of my sons. Last Sunday was Father's Day and neither of them did anything for him. I know he can't hear over the telephone but he can read. He may have ALZ but he is still aware of everything that goes on around him and he can hear. We went to church and he heard a Father's Day Sermon. He knew it was Father's Day, I even gave him a new electric razor for the day and he is using it.

Daughters family was sick so it was very quiet around hear.

Your fathers mind is a lot better than his body these days, I have been concerned for some time and now daughter is concerned too. We are going to try and get him in to see his primary care this week. Daughter wants to talk to the doc.

No Big D,eal

I have had several people tell me lately that I can doing such a great thing by taking care of my hubby while he has Alz. FiftySix years, seven months, and two weeks I have fixed breakfast for both of us, washed both of our clothes, cleaned the house we both live in, washed dishes or loaded dish washer. The only difference is that I now have to fix a pill box once a month for both of us. I have to keep tract of his medications, and doctor appointments. I have to do all the driving. I have to do all the thinking and make all the decisions, whether they are right or wrong.

Why would I make any big changes like putting him in nursing home. The extra things I do, are not that big a deal. I can't see changing my way of life because of the few extra things I do. The biggest deal is not having anyone to share this with. I don't have anyone to talk to but sometimes I should listen to him more. He told me on the way home from Las Vegas that he didn't want to go any where any more. He just want to stay in the little home we have created here in East Texas and rest. This time I think I will listen to hime and we will stay at home. All of the kids will have to come and see us.

Hme Again

We are home again, thank heavens, air travel is very stressful.

We didn't get to leave without a product of the last two stressful weeks of May. A couple of days before Sunday June 2nd I had a little rash across my cheeks. I just put some cream on it and forgot it. Sunday June 2nd I couldn't forget it my right eye was swollen shut. Faithful P got up early and took me to the emergency room at Kaufman. It was no brainer for the doc I had hive possibly from some of my medication. Cure massive dosses of preison. I was finally down to just 1 mg in the morning and 1 at night. Now we are starting over with huge mg's. I just looked like I had spent too much time out in the sun and we went on to Las Vegas. The air travel with Southwest is really the big bus line of Texas. Our flight stopped at El Paseo before our lay over in Phoenix. Our next stop was Las Vegas and our wheel chair was given to someone else and we had to walk to the baggage. Sister-in-law had our luggage and was frantily looking for us by the time we got to the baggage.

Our stay in Las Vegas was comfortable in a nice condo, the only problem was that they never came in to clean up, but we kept it up pretty well. We ate out all the time. We found Maloffs cancino the Palms it was huge. I tried to reach Phil but got tranferred time and time again so I finally gave up. Sister-in-law took us to Gardno's for a Birthday dinner. The time in Las Vegas was suppouse to be a rest. Well it was an enforced rest, we really needed it but was a pushed rest.

I picked up a easy sudoku book at one of our stops in an airport. I have worked steady and hard at learning to do this game. I think I have finally managed to do some of the puzzles, I'm on 65 and still going strong. I am really feeling proud of myself that I have managed to learn how to do the easy puzzles.

Our flight home was suppose to be a stright threw flight but quess what we had to stop at Amarillo before we could fly to Dallas. Our wheel chair met us and we were transfered to a moving cart. The cart could only go part way so we were dumped half way and had to walk the rest of the way to baggage. After we picked up the luggage was walked half of the way home to get the car. We have been trying to rest up since we got home, it's really good to be home. It seems very strange to not have Melissa with us.

Busy Two Weeks

Boy has this been a busy two weeks, I can't believe we have accomplished as much as we have in the last two weeks. P and I sat down and planned three parties two weeks ago. We had to cram a graduation into that time frame. P had two days of doctors appointments and tests, plus working.

Melissa had make up work and lots of home work. They really poured it on the last two weeks. Melissa had all the fun things that finish up senior year. She had prom, senior trip, and the receipe book and a english paper on Elizabeth, some questions she had to answer. Poor gal she really had her nose to the grind stone, while trying to do the senior play dates. Melissa's mom and dad were coming so we ask B and K from Oklahoma to come also. My 75 birthday is coming up shortly. We tried to plan a graduation party for Melissa but she wanted to take it over. She did a beautiful job of making invitation with rubber stamps, unfortunately her written on the invitations was hard to read, we even included a map as to how to find the house. She passed out 20 invitations some at church and some at school.

P made invitations for my 75th birthday tea party. I only gave out 4 invitation besides the family. The managers at the village, a dog walker that I had become friendly with, and our wonderful massage theaptists.

We planned a unbirthday party for M. She is the last one of my family that has the December 3oth birthday. That is a bad time to ask school kids to come to a birthday party. We planned a dressup unbirthday party.

Melissa's mom and dad arrived just in time to see her get dressed and drive off in the Tarus to her graduation program. The program was well documented with lots of photos. Family came home and collaped after the program.

Melissa and I had spent all day Thursday making tea sandwiches for my birthday party. P made the cake and tea. Saturday we went to P for my tea birthday party. It was good time. on P's back patio. The weather coorperated and was so pleasant it was hard to end it. All my kids were there and almost everyone I ask. One of our massage gals had to go the hospital with a family member.

After we left the tea party we rushed home and set up for Melissa's graduation party. We had to move it inside as the weather looked like rain. Re-arranged the living room and setup for about 20 kids. Only one adult one of the massage gals came because Melissa had worked for them some last summer. We had a great time talking and Pat, Melissa's dad and my author son entertained us with a history lesson.

We had M unbirthday party today, cupcakes, punch and lots and lots of candy as door prizes and game prizes. M passed out about 20 invitations and 6 very dressed up little girls arrived in long dress, hats, jewlery, boas, and high heels. They were not too sure how a unbirthday worked but they had numbers on pinwheels the picked out. They went one by one and opened a gift they could pick a new gift or the one that had been opened. Only one little girl was brave enough to take what had been already opened. I think they were all too curious what was in the unopened gifts. The little girls left with several bags of candy as well as a gift. I think the dressup unbirthday party was a hug success.

I told P that the two of us should go into a business planning parties. She said fine as long as some one else did the work. I'm not sure how that would work, I'll have to think on it.

Monday Hubby and I will be flying off to Las Vegas to spend the week with his sister and family. We are planning another birthday party and hubby's sister and have birthdays close together. I am hoping hubby can make the trip OK. I have ordered a wheel chair for him I hope we can make our plan change in Phoenix alright.

Next time I blog I will tell you all about it.

43 years ago

Forty three years ago I spent the day in the hospital. It was also the only day that my third son and fourth child lived and died.

This was a warm and spring day in Albuquerque of course it got hot later on in the day. My mom and dad were there to take care of the other three kiddo's. My mom was the only family member to see Timothy. I was told he had dark hair and was a purfect baby. A inexperienced doctor let me lay in labor while the baby was in distrest. The baby had been without oxgen so long that he was brain dead. When the OB GYN got there they just delivered the baby and didn't try to get it to breath. My mom said she heard him cry, they told everyone that his lungs weren't developed enough to breath. He was only two weeks early so that wasn't true. The OB GYN told me that if I had been going to a OB GYN I would have had a live baby but he wouldn't testify in court to that fact. Unfortunately that inexperienced doctor is still practicing.

Just thought somebody ought to remember Timmy today.

Home

I haven't read today's SS lesson it is entitled The Eternal Home. The writer of these lesson has been very good. I just wish the various teachers in our SS class would teach out of the quarterly instead of trying to push pre-milliumism. They keep talking rapture where there isn't any and today she even got off on intelligent design. Annie called tonight to tell me how sick her hubby is, he has been in the hospitel. He has had several heart attacks, a pace maker installed and a stroke. He doesn't sound good at all. I hurt so for Annie, I wish I could be there to help. I don't know what I could do accept hold her hand but I could at least do that.

I started thinking this morning in SS about home. When Hubby and I were getting ready to retire. B and G were remolding that house in Farmington, they wanted hubby and I to sell our house and move in with them. The house would be big enough for all of us and I would have been fun. It was a tempting idea but we valued our independence too much to go that route. We did spend a lot of time up there and running around with them. I wouldn't trade one minute of it. We had such a great time. As things stand now it would have been disastrous for us. G couldn't and hasn't been able to handle hubby's ALZ. We tried to go on cruise with them after hubby started having problems and G would handle it. I don't blame G some people just can't stand to see someone they spent so much time with go away like he has.

Next Jean and I always talked about living together particularly after John died and I really think we would have done it. But, she was diagnosed with ALZ and P had cancer and we moved to Texas. Jean died a little over a year ago and I can't tell you how much I miss her. Jean didn't have any big major heath problem. We talked so much about not wanting to live with a quality of life. I think she just gave up and didn' t want to live anymore.

Annie and I always teased that we should rent an apartment and get away from everyone and live together. Now her hubby is in a life threating way and mine is going down more every day. We never know where life will take us and we may never know where home is or who is living in that home.

Nice Mother's Day, we went to SS and Church and back to P for lunch. P gave me a great Mother's Day card she had made complete with family pictures. The card was very professional. Pat wished me a Happy Mothers Day after Melissa called her mom to wish her one. They will be here in about 2 weeks. Melissa and I spent the afternoon making her invitations to her graduation party. Annie had received her invitation to my 75 birthday and called to tell me about it. I still have the local invitations to give out.

Rant

The rest of the family can blog ranting so now is my turn.

John Stossel on 20/20 lied on TV when he trashed the public schools in America and I hadn't watched 20/20 sence then.

Why the TV was on 20/20 tonight I don't know but he was trashing
Ethoanol (?). I'm not sure whether it is the answer to our dependence oil but at least they are trying to do something. Stossel had someone from Cato Institute he was interviewing. The guy from Cato was saying that all the money we are paying to buy oil would be used to buy corn so that we could make Ethoanol. The idea was the poor people that are making a fortune from high oil prices would lose money. The public would be paying to buy corn to make Ethoanol wouldn't that be terrible that the greedy guys in the oil pipe line would loose money. I know better than to watch 20/20 again. How do we allow this guy on primetime TV to spout all the propaganda .
Do people really believe all of junk.

Hey we are doing well Melissa seems to have passed all of her classes. She has turned in 3 big projects she has very well and one and barely passing on another. I haven't heard about the big one she spend so much time one. We are going to Home Depot to put in an application tomorrow and then to First Monday. She did really well getting all of her weekend work tonight so she has all weekend to do what she wants. Youth group going to SpiderMan movie Sunday afternoon and she is going.

We are counting down the days until graduation. They practiced today and she finally realized it was going to happen and she got very excited.

Maybe we can all get excited for her.

On my Blog

Well, I finally got on my blog, but I still can't comment on anyone elses blog.

I still have shingles it has been over a month now. I have had so many different prescriptions, but nothing has helped. They have given me lot of pain pills and I keep having to take more and more of it just to keep on my feet. I still have to feed hubby and put dishes in the dish washer. I still have to get Melissa up and off to school in the mornings. The pain in my left side and back is un-describable. It burns and tingles and is always there, if I sit still long enough it goes away but then moments later its back again in full force. I have stopped my life and just stay in a nighty that doesn't touch me I go from bed to couch and back to bed. If I have to go somewhere I just double up on pain pills and tough the pain out.

I am sitting here waiting for Melissa to come home from the Prom. I can't believe she insisted on going to the Prom stage. She turned down a couple of boys asking her, she looked beautiful in her dark blue and silver slinky dress. She spent the day getting ready she had her finger nails and her toe nails done this morning and her hair in a french twist this afternoon. P showed her how to do her makeup yesterday so she was able to do that herself. She put her dress on last night and we went through all of my jewelry trying all of it. My rhinestones with the red stones looked the best. The ear rings were so old( hubby bought that set for me shortly after we were married) they had screw backs. I wired the old earrings to a loop of rhinestones for pierced ears that Melissa had they really look good. P bought Melissa a beautiful corsage of white baby rose buds. Melissa was in such a rush to go that I didn't get any pictures. I am hoping to get some when she gets home. We took a dry run last week to see where this place was for the Prom. It is about 30 miles from here out in the deep country. I feel strange letting her go by herself. The dance is over early so she should be home soon.

This was one of the big things that Melissa wanted to do this year. She wanted to go to another Prom and she wants to graduate from high school. We are closing in on completing these things for her. I am not sure I can help her anymore than this. She still needs so much support to go on and make something of her life. It is not fair for her to be tied down to helping take care of us. If I get some pictures of her in her slinky dress I will post them.

Update

I went to the doctor this afternoon. I had a pain in my side for about three days and Nights. I thought I had a tummy problem. I also developed a rash on my back and side where the pain has been. The doc patiently listened to my theory about my pain. Then when I showed her my rash. She jumped at the answer. I have shingles. Oh, why oh why didn't I get the shot to prevent this when it first came out. Aunt Dena has been suffering with shingles for the last three years. I am hoping we caught this early enough for the medication to work.

Just trying to lower my stress level now so that I can deal with this latest development.

New Info

Well, the book review went well today. They seemed to be very interested in the book. I donated a copy for the church library. They were fighting over who would get to read it first.

One of the ladies had said that money had been donated to the Canton Public Library in her name for a book. She got to choose what book she wanted in the library she was going to ask for P book to be put in the library. I told her she could order it from Amazon.com. She is going to get Canton Public Library to order the book for the library.

She may get a book ordered by amazon yet.

The mission group wants P to talk to them when you are in town. But of course it won't be at one of there regular meetings.

Still Problems

Google won't let me start another blog. So I may not be able to give comments on any of your blogs.

Strange but proud moment this morning. Melissa was in a choir robe sitting in the front row of the choir in church. I do believe she is the first one of my grands that has sung in a church choir.

Many years ago I sat in the front row of a choir with Melissa's mother sitting next to me. I'm not sure how long we sat, side by side in the choir but it was a while. When number two son came home from the singles weekend in Glorieta he told me about the great girl he met there. After some more questions I discovered he was talking about my partner from the choir. To make a long story short. They were married within the year.

The preacher this morning told me he was very pleased that Melissa was singing in the choir. One of the older ladies in the choir also stopped me after church and told me how please she was the Melissa wanted to sing in the choir. All my kids sang in the youth choir and adult choirs. But Melissa as far as I know is the first one of the grands.

Well tomorrow I give a book review of P book. I'm not sure I'm up to it but I am going to try.

I was so glad to see the picture of Cottonwood Mall and the poster about P booksigning. I'm so sorry we won't be there to be a part of the booksigning. Melissa and I were thrilled.

It's time to sign another lease for the house. I don't want to move, I am pleased with the house but it is so scary to sign up for another year. It always makes me so anxious to try and see a whole year down the road. We have been here over 18 months but trying to out quess what will happen even 6 months down the road is scary. I quess I will just have to close my eyes and sign it.

Confused

This changing blogs from blogspot to google has messed everything up. I can't post to anybody elses blog and I can't get into my blog very often. They say my password is wrong but they won't give me another one. I keep e-mailing them and they ignore me. If I am forced to start over again. When I start a new blog it will be under the name anothercaregiver. Can't we find some bloging spot that we can really use?

I'm Blogging

It is difficult to blog when every few days we have a melt down every few days.

The last two weeks have been very difficult. Melissa came home from her last TAS test with the news that a boy she had been talking with died. This shook her up and I'm concerned that she blew her test. She wrote her essay by reviewing a TV show instead of writting from personal experience. So its anybodys quess if they will accept that as a writting assignment or if they will just not accept it. If she doesn't pass this writting test she doesn't graduate. We have been butting heads at every turn.

I remember having a few screaming matches with the kids when they were at home but with Melissa this last weeks its been at least two or three a week. I'm really too old for these melt downs. my emotions won't handle it. I have played my last card by calling her mom and dad and having her talk with them.

Hubby has not been doing too well. He is sleeping almost all day, he is eating very little. He is down to about 170 lbs for someone that use to weight 225 that is a lot. I am hoping this is just temporary.

It is time to sign another lease for the house I am afraid to sign one for a year but I can't move.
I don't have the strength, money or a place to go. I'm very comfortable here but if hubby has to go into a nursing home I can't afford it.

Pray for us that we get through these next two and half months.

Sunday School Class up in Arms

Well, I wasn't the only one that was upset about that SS lesson. The class exploded about the lesson but the teacher wouldn't let us discuss it. He proceeded with what was suppose to be the lesson but it had nothing to do with what was in the lesson book. So I am really confused about this class. One of the ladies that I had made friends with from the retired teachers group is in that class. She was most vocale about not liking the lesson, I made copies of all of your wonderful responses and gave them to her.

The responses I got were wonderful 7 of them right away. I think son P was most understandable. Anyway I am not upset about the lesson or the class any more.

I was invited to the ladies missionary circle that met yesterday, nice group of ladies. They were asking for people to give devotionals. I volunteered I am going to do a review of P book in March. With the review that is on line and having read the book I hope they will want to have a copy.

Well, today is the make or break day for Melissa, today is the last time she can take this TAK test and past the writting portion. If she doesn't pass this test she can't graduate and all this year is in vain. I am a lot more worried than she is, I so want to her get her act together and make something of herself. P and I have really wondered where we missed her pleas for help when she was little. We look back now an see so many of them and we didn't do anything about them. She has another appointment with her counselor tonight. Our routine for the morning is not going well. I am trying to make her aware of the cost of food and drink. I am making her do menus and a shopping list and keep track of how much things cost. She is so wastful with food and drink. She has been doing better this week.

Saturday we played hooky and went to Mesquite to the shopping mall Melissa had not been there yet. Michelle and her other grandma went with us. We had a lovely lunch at Saltgrass.
Michelle didn't feel good all day she ran a fever Sunday and D took her to doc yesterday. She has the flu, I hope the rest of us don't get it. We all had flu shots including Michelle but that doesn't seem to be the strain of flu everyone is coming down with.

P has chemo on Wednesday and I am taking her. I have a doc appointment with a new doc on Thursday. Friday P and I want to go to Dallas to see B and hear him speak at the Mainstream Convocation. Weather is suppose to be about 70 degrees all week, I hope so I'm tried of the cold and wind.

They made me upgrade to google today, I have been trying to avoid it as everybody else has had trouble with people being able to post. I hope somebody posts so I can see if it is going to work.

Theological Question

Well, we did it yesterday we officially became Methodist. The first Sunday School class we sat through has me asking many, many questions. I am in hopes someone out there in blogging land has some answers.

Lesson: Life After Death

Resurrection is not immortality. Immortality is the Greek belief closely tied to the notion that human beings consist of immortal spirits temporarily housed in physical bodies. According to this view after death our phyical bodies decompose and are no more. Our spirits, however, which are undying, are set free to return to heaven. It holds that what is most real about us spirit does not die; rather, at death of our body, our spirit is simply released to resume the existence it had prior to be joined to our body.

The Christian faith rejects completely the notion of immortality. For starters, it teaches that when we die, all our consitutents parts die; not just our body but also our spirit and even our soul. We truly, entirely cease to be. Second and that is what makes belief in resurrection so breathtaking exciting. God's love incarnate in Christ will not allow us to lie silent in the grave. In the end not even the death of all our consitutent parts can not separate us from the love of God. The Christian faith is confident that when we are resurrected, all our constituent parts will be resurrectd: not just our spirit and soul but also our body.

OK that would lead me to belief that when I die every thing ceases to exist and I must lie silent in the grave until the last days when my body is resurrected. What happens to the fact that Jesus said to the thief on the the cross " today you will be with me in paradise". No I don't belief that all my family that is dead is looking down on me and watching every move I make. The bible also states no tears in heaven, some of the things we all do would cause our past love ones to cry.

Hey, this is a heck of a time in my life to be struggling with this issue. Can someone clear this up for me. This idea they are saying is the christian belief sounds more jewish to me. I understood they do not believe in an after life.

Surpriseing Week

This has been the week for flowers. Hubby brought me peach colored roses while I was in the hospital. Can you believe he remembers I like orange or peach colored roses. My friend I made at the Methodist Church brought me a big vase of white lillies and white roses, last Sunday. My door bell rang this afternoon and a fellow resident brought me three orange roses. We have chatted several times outside with the dogs. She said I had been on her mind lately and brought me roses.

I found a green rubber frog at the grocery store today. Remembering how much my Harry use to love his frog I bought it for Sadie. The frog squeaks and Sadie loves it, I thought she would tear it up in the first 10 minutes. She carries it so easy it doesn't even have teeth marks. She does make it squeak all the time. Sadie brings me the frog to throw for her and she runs and brings it back. She is getting lots of exercise and keeps me busy throwing it for her.

First Monday weekend, Melissa and I are going to spend the day tomorrow. I missed the one last month.

We have started using the fire place all the wood is wet so its hard to get it started. Melissa and stored the wood at the bottom of the back stairs. It is quiet a chore to walk it up and down the back stairs to bring the wood in. Hubby is having fun keeping the fire going. The house smells like smoke but until the weather clears up it is pleasant to have a little fire in the living room.

Once again

Well, the last time I blogged I thought I was on the way to a complete recovery.

TV has been warning us about the stomach flu or norwalk virus that was going around. I was trying to be careful, but I quess I got careless and we ate out. Wednesday we tried a new place in Grand Saline and that is the only place I can think of that I could have been exposed. Hubby didn't come down with it. We had different things to eat. I did hear the cook say that 3 people who worked there had called in sick. We should have got up and left.

I started feeling ill about 9: Pm and by 9:30 I couldn't leave the bathroom. I couldn't even walk down the hall to call Melissa. I got as far as the kitchen and kept calling until I got her up. She helped me until about 11:00 and we called P. P made the call to 911 and got an emergency truck they took me to Athens to the hospital. I don't remember much about the ride except I was freezing to death and they wouldn't cover me up. To make a long story short, they kept me over night and all day Friday. I didn't see the doc until late Friday night, he said if I could keep breakfast down on Saturday I could go home. He didn't show up until 2:30 on Saturday. He did allow me to come home. I was very impressed with the hospital everyone was so friendly and helpful. I even liked the doc, he was a older man but seemed very interested in my problems and welfare. I'm still very weak but Melissa and I have managed to get all the linens from my bed washed, dryed and put away. We have Melissa all ready for school tomorrow, she just can't be absent any more.

I really don't know what I would have done without when I was so sick at home. She took good care of her grandpa while I was gone. We just got her drivers license in time. P had to work on Saturday so Melissa and grandpa came and picked me up. Today she went to the drug store and postoffice by herself. She is so please that I let her drive and do my errands.

I'm just going to play it easy all of next week so that I can get my strength back.

The new friend I made at the Methodist church showed up on my doorstep with a beautiful vase of flowers. She had been missing me at church. She stayed and chatted a little while. I haven't been able to go the church since before Christmas. I had really good intension of all of going today but the trip to the hospital stopped that.

I really need my second son to send me some more of his books, I quess that will have to wait until after his book signing. I have several people wanting them.

John the manager of the village we live is found P book that Melissa gave to his wife. He picked it up and would let his wife touch it until he finished it. He ask where it came from, his wife said look at the author. He was suprised that it was my son's he was very impressed and said he was really enjoying it.

Long Day

We finally got Melissa her drivers license today. We have been trying for months, the State of Texas has been having us jump through so many hoops, I was afraid she would never get it. First of all we had to have her SS card, that had been lost some where. We had to go to Tyler and ask for a duplicate. We waited for that too arrive. She had to have 3 kinds of ID. She took her first written test right after Christmas and missed one too many of their trick questions. The license office is only open while she is in school. So this is a big problem, they are threating if she misses school for any reason. She had another dental appointment today so she took the day off and we tried about 10:00 this morning to take the test again and get in the driving test. She too the test this morning and passed it. But, she couldn't take the driving test until 1:45 this afternoon. Her dental appointment was 3:00 in Tyler. We hurried to Athens got our hair washed and cut. Raced back to Canton to meet the 1:45 driving test and rushed off to Tyler to the dentist. We stopped on the way into Tyler for hamburgers and made the dentist with 5 minutes to spare. We had to buy a tooth brush so Melissa could brush before her appointment. They are really, really, unhappy with her about not brushing and not brushing long enough. I'm at my wits end what to try next to get her to do this. Yugo may have to disappear for ever if she doesn't get with the program. It would be a terrible thing to loose all her teeth after her mom and dad had them straightened. She has another appointment with her DR. tomorrow I may have to get her and the counsler involved.

Hey, my back was lots better today, it didn't start hurting until about 2:30 this afternoon and boy was it hurting when I got home about 5:30. The cold pack and then the heat packs really help. I am going to take another muscle relaxant when I go to bed tonight and mahybe it will be better tomorrow. My doc in Kaufman said I should let them do the shots but I don't want to if I can help it. I am going to try the chiropractor tomorrow and see what he says, he really has helped me more than anyone else.

P is still playing nurse maid to her 7 baby goats. She had 9 baby goats but they have lost two of them. One of the little ones was rejected by its mom and P has been feeding it by hand. So the little one thinks P is her mom. They call this little one floppesy because one of its ears flopps over all the time. It is so cute but a real pain to take care of. P took one of them to school for M class to see this afternoon. I don't know how that came out.

Well, you can see we are busy, busy, hubby had to shift for himself today as Melissa and I were gone all day. This school year is really flying by, but I suppose Melissa thinks it will never be over. I have to write her a check for her annual tomorrow, how did they get so expensive.

Hey I'm back

It has been a long time but I think I am among the living again. I came down with some kind of bug just a couple of days before Christmas. Melissa and I didn't get our baking done but we had plenty to eat. We had 11 for dinner on Christmas, Bruce got here just in time for dinner it was so great to see him. He didn't get to stay for long enough. I really didn't get to enjoy every one at Christmas like I wanted to because I was so sick.

I am still dealing with a bad back, how can you do that much damage to your back by coughing. I've had a x-ray and a MRI and I have seen 4 doctors, a massage therapist and have another appointment with a new doctor tommorrow. Tommorrow is a pain management doc they are talking about streching again or else shots neither sounds good. The pain is getting more managable. I have finally stopped taking the pain pills, yesterday was rough but today is better. Everyone that was here has come down with this bug, some of them so soon afterwards that they didn't get it from me. I feel so bad that I gave this horrible bug to so many people. But, everyone in Texas seems to have had it or is coming down with it.

One of the best things at Christmas was the time I got to spend with Eddie, I didn't know how much I had missed him. He has always seemed more like mine instead of a grand. Eddie is at such a crossroads of his life and needs as much support and guidance as he can get. All we can do at a distance is pray for him and his decisions.

Melissa has decided she likes East Texas and wants to live here, she likes taking care of grandparents. We still haven't got a drivers license, they never seem to be open when she is not in school. Her grades have been great. P and I were wondering what Eddie and Steven's high school would have been like if they had gone to school here. I don't know what hubby and I would have done, while I have been sick, if she wasn't here.

NCL keeps sending me E-mails and flyers about cruises with the ice storm here in East Texas it is looking better everyday. Not sure our finances could stretch so far to include another cruise so soon.

I've had plenty of time to read while I have been laid up with the effects of this bug. Pat brought his newly published book down. He has left me some copies and it is such a temptation to just give these away. Hubby is still reading on it, he reads awhile and trys one of his westerns and then goes back to Pats. I finished it and was very pleased with the plot and the conclusion. It is more difficult to read than most of what I am reading it is written at a higher level. The amount of educational information is a little overwhelming. The latin names are a trial, but I just say this is Sam, or Pete of Joe and go on with the story. Hubby, Jean and I read some of the drafts of this book many years ago while taking one of our trips in the old motor home. Jean would be so please to finally see this story in print. Melissa read the book and wanted to give it to Altameta so we gave it to her. I haven't talked to her to see if she has read it. Melissa took it to school and showed it off, some people wanted her to give it to them.