At Home at last

I flew home on Monday the 11th leaving Penni in a lot of pain. Gloria was with her and the hospic nurse was on her way. I had already purchased the ticket and all the arrangements were made. I am so glad they increased her pain med so she doesn't hurt.

Sunday night I had to do a scary thing. I bought a house sight unseen. Two good friends had been looking for a house for two weeks. On of my friends is a real estate agent the other just a good friend. I had made a bid on the house on there recomendation with a item that I had to see the house on Monday. The seller agreed to sell to me if I bought it sight unseen. Two or three other bids were on the house. I removed the item and bought the house sight unseen. I guess he thought if I was stuipd enought to do that I deserved to have the house. The good thing is that I really like the house. A two bedroom patio home in my old neighborhood. The address is on 67th street again. it is just on the other side of St. Joseph from my old house. The only problem is the size it is only 785 square feet. I bearly got everything in this 1000 square feet apartment.

The crazy thing is I bought a couch yesterday. It is a hide a bed covered with the fabric of the drapes I have been carrying around for 10 years. The hide a bed needs new covers on the seat pillows. I have plenty of fabric to cover them again. It really needs to be shampooed. In the mean while poor son had to rearrange his living room to store the new couch.

Comfort Zone

M was wanting to be in a comfort zone last night, she wanted to sleep with me. When I lived here she slept with me a lot, at that time we were sleeping on a queen size bed. Last night we both slept on a single bed, it was crowed but she wanted to do that. This morning she ask me to pick out a outfit for her to wear to Bible school. She had about 6 different outfits laid out on her bed, any of them were good matches. It is very srange that people on What Not to Weat can't pick out one matching outfit and a 8 year old could already pick out very good outfits.

Mom and Dad come home today and Dad goes to work this weekend. I have a few little things I want to do before I go home. I need to visit the good will and the dollar store one of them has to have a picture frame the right size.

The house I wanted to see in Albuquerque sold yesterday so I may have to look in a diffferent direction. Everybody is afraid I'm going to choose a house right away and be sorry I didn't look a little longer. Yes, I am anxious to get settled but they fail to remember how well I like to look at houses. Hubby use to think I wore the tires out on the car looking at houses. I remember bubba being unhappy with me because I wanted to look at houses after I picked him up from school. Maybe bubba can help me find a house again.

Ticket Home

I have purchased my ticket to go home on Monday 11th. I need to let P and her family have some time alone. Vacation Bible School is next week and I'm staying to take M every day. I have made plans with Deanne to have lunch on tuesday. Wednesday I go back to the foot doc. He wants to take my whole nail off and I'm afraid to have it new and painful while I'm trying to go through security and get all the way through airports. Gloria says it will be painful to sit in the plane for two hours. I'm not sure I'll let him to that.

We are going to get M hair trimed not cut we have to stress that today and then we are off to First Monday. I'll not sure how long that will last as P seems pretty tired today.

Looking at listings for houses on line has been a great way of spending time but I'm going to have to see them in person. I know that losing the other patio home was the best thing but I'm not sure how the financial thing is going to work out for buying one that is ready to live in.

Mini Family Reunion

So good to have P and L here. They were only here for two days, but they were quality days. The days were spent just sitting around and talking. Both evenings we spent at the motel with our fish in the pool. Aunt L was in with her both days and Uncle P the last night. M is just learning to swim and she doesn't have a lot of confidence without her little orange entertube. Uncle P took some movies of her swimming. Terrific to have part of my family together. Uncle B and Aunt K will be here tomorrow. P doesn't get to spend a lot of time with P and L so these last couple of days have been extra special. Too bad the grandkids weren't here but P saw them when she was in New Mexico.

I called the beauty shop that I was using before I left. They remembered and and I didn't have any trouble getting in. I was introduced to some ladies from First Methodist that I hadn't met before, I haven't got in touch with anyone from the church. I need to do that this coming week. Daryl that does my hair is interested in coming to New Mexico he wants to go to Red River he knows someone that has vacation cabins there he enjoys talking about New Mexico. He usually goes to Nevada.

We are looking foreward to B and K being here Sunday and Monday. Too bad I couldn't get both of the boys together.

Texas Again

Here I am again, it is just like I never left.

Plane trip was fine, M slept most of the way. P and D picked us up and we have a trip to Denny's on the way home. P was tired when we got home but seemed fine. We went to "Mama Mia" on Saturday. What fun it was a girls trip to the big city of Athens an afternoon movie and a late lunch. Sunday I was a little under the weather so I laid low. Today Terri took me to Terrell to the foot doctor. He cut my ingrown toenail out again I hope it is going to work this time.

I got a call from Shari and Rich last night. The house has mold and it is black, but the good news is that its only on the wallboard which can be replaced. Rich is finding out how much it is going to take to get this problem taken care of. I called the owners with the news and ask them to go and check out the problem for themselves. They are not interested and looking at it. They are going to take our word for the problem and how much to repair it. As soon as I get this last piece of info I can start neotiations again.

P tired after her trip to Dallas today but it is 100 degrees and the heat got to her. She rested and is up working on her blog. Stop by and leave her a message she is really enjoying them.

Other Shoe

The other shoe has finally dropped today. P Doctor has finally given up he has been so slow to give up Bless him he has tried every thing he could.

Michelle's other grandfather is going to drive her here to ABQ. Michelle and I are scheduled to fly to big D on Thursday. I guess D will meet us at the airport. I am so anxious to see P but the conditions are terrible.

I started negotations this week. Started out with tea and packets here at the house. Bev has given me a counter offer over the phone at the same time that they ask me to go to Texas. I was pretty emotional at the time she gave the same counter that she was throwing out without any input from the rest of the partners. She lied again that they had spent some time discussing this and they came up with the same she was throwing out at the table. She lied about showing athe house several times. We have proved that go one has been in the house but me and the people with me. After discussing it with Pat he was thinking more clearly than I am. I called back an gave another counter.

I have been cancelling doc appointments and rescheduleing some of them. Help me think of what I can do or say for P. I want to be with her but I'm not sure I can do it.

New Statement to Live by

Found this on the internet i like it.

Life is to short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

I like this!

Happy Fourth of July

Strange 4th I have spent the day by myself. Gloria came and did a massage other than that I have been by myself. Shari called this morning she is working today and doing a cookout for everybody working there. I spent the day writting letters to the docs and hosptials to get hubby's medical records sent to me. I mailed off the information to have the VA requesting the records be sent to them so they can check on the reason for his death If we can show a military connection it means several more hundreds of dollars a month for me.

Penni and I decided we needed statement attached to the back of the prayer in the picture frame in Michelle's bedroom. I've been working on one. I'm going to post it here also deleting some of the names.

This sampler was made in 1953 by Grandma C she was Grandma Bs mother. Grandma B was Grand Tena's mother. Your mother use to go to Colorado to spend part of the summer with her. Grandma C's husband was in the Civil War this is documented with the Daughters of the Confederacy. You are entitled to belong to the Daughters of the Confederacy.

The sampler was made for Uncle P before he was born 1953. The sampler is a prayer that was hung in Uncle P's room until he grew up. The prayer was hung again in your mother's room until she grew up. The prayer was hung again in Cousin M's room until she grew up Mommy ask for the prayer so M could have it in her room. The prayer was located, restored and sealed in the picture frame for you. Please take care of it for your little girl or boy.

Grandma C taught Grandma Tena to embroidery when Grandma Tena was 5 years old. Grandma Tena embodied the pillows for you mommy.

I hope this hides enough for the internet. I also hope it is enough information so a little girl won't forget the importance of the picture.

PENNI was just here

Penni and family were just here for only 3 days. Penni ate at Dions twice one of the things she wanted to do. We all went to Santa Fe to the National Cementary. There was a head stone for her fathers grave. I have been so spacey for all the the things about his death. I have just shoved all of that stuff away and I haven't been able to look at it. We went on to Glorieta to the Prayer Garden it was beautiful. The flowers left a lot to be desired. The plantings up there were so great in the past years. Hubby would have been disappointed. The shopping in Santa Fe was great my only second time in Coldwatercreek. I found a beautiful blouse for Penni just her style and on sale too. Problemly my only purchase in that expense store. We all had lunch at La Fonta a large round table so good to have that much of my family together. We were only missing B and family. We had some pictures taken I hope they come out good. I am anxious to see them. I was worried that the day would be too emotional but we all did pretty well. in spite of all the high emotions. We all hurt so deep in spite of our trying to hold it all in. David just carried it off well he loves Penni so much to be able to do this for her. They are off on the airplane home this morning. I couldn't get up to see them off. The walking yesterday just finished off my knees and I am having trouble walking. Also, I was so short of breath up in Glorieta that my chest hurt from the panting I was doing.

I have an appointment for a head MRI today I hope I can do it without panicking. I am trying to tell myself that I have to try and take care of myself now but that is hard to do. I just know I can't take care of Penni any more and boy does that hurt. They found a knot on my thyroid I don't know what that means yet. Shari has offered to go to the MRI with me today.

Patio home is on hold until I get some figures from the contractors.

Life is moving fast

I have been seeing a counselor I am hoping it will keep me from having anymore meltdowns. I am hoping that will satisfy my primarly care doc. I don't want to take any anti-depression pills.

A for sale sprouted up a few doors from Shari. It turned out to be the same floor plan as hers but it has been rented for the last 5 years and needs some TLC. I am trying to get some idea if I can qualify to buy it. I may not have enough money to buy it and fix it up too. I thought I had a VA loan coming but I found out that I don't. If hubby had died of a disability I could have the loan but because he didn't the paper for the VA loan is worthless.

You spend almost 57 years thinking of both of us as one individual and it is hard to seperate yourself after hubby leaves.

I have these grand plans of how I could buy the house and finish my 3 months on this lease and have the house fixed up while I am waiting out my lease. I would like to move into a freshly fixed up house so that I don't have to do anything. Shari has been throwing cold water on all my plans saying that it should be a fixer upper and that I should wait to do the repairs until after I move in. Otherwise the buyers would want more money for the house after it was fixed up. I now am having second thoughts about buying it. I don't want them tearing up the tiles in the bathroom, and painting after I move in. No, the more I think about it the more I don't want to live in the house while it is being repaired. Oh well it was a good idea anyway.

Yesterday was my Birthday and I had tummy problems all the night before so my lunch out and dinner out was very unsatifactory. Penni and Michelle called and sang Happy Birthday to me I am so anxious to see them next week. We are planning a outing to Santa Fe and Glorieta. Pat and family took me to dinner. Melissa and I had lunch and shopped a little I bought a dress but I think I will take it back. Bruce called while we were looking at the house and of course he doesn't want me to buy anything for 4 years as the housing market will be going down that long. I may not be alive in 4 years.

Well like I say life is moving on and am I moving with it or standing still?

Doctors Appointment

I had a terrible docors appointment. I went without taking my shingles and pain medication. I am so addicted to the pain medication. I had a melt down at the doctors office. She over reacted and wanted me to see a psychiatrist. She was holding me hostage. I had to call Pat to come an rescue me. I thought I had messed up a blood test that I took a couple of weeks ago. I went without taking my medication, so I could take another blood test. I have tried to tell her how addicted I am to that pain medication. I have to be able to get off of it some how.

Now I have to see some one to please this doctor. I still think I am entitled to a metle down once in a while. My apartment is getting to me, I can't seem to get it sorted out. I spent all yesterday afternoon trying to get my bath room put together. I am still throwing away old drugs of hubbys, also I had several bottles that my arthritis doctor had me get. I don't remember taking any of them I was in the hospital in Dallas or the rehabe. They have me taking anti depresents again. I don't know how that is going to work. I tried it once before about a year ago and it didn't work then I don't know if it will again.

Melissa, Richie and I went to early services again. Richie is so good when he is with only us. When we are with Daniel he has to compete. Shari and I went shopping for a coffee table today the one I really want is 12 inches too long. There is a round one that is a possiblity. I have to make up my mind by 6:oo pm tommorrow night. The sale goes off then. I hate to have pressure put on me. I still haven't come up with a price for the wall unit I put in the living room . I need to pay for it first.

Today's paper has come classes from the senior centers. There is one in June to be able to put ditgal pictures on the computer send them on e-mail. I think I will try to get in that one.

Unpacking still going on

I am still unpacking. My friend Shari has taken up a goodbit of my time. That is good I'm not worring about what is going on in Texas. P seems to be doing good inspite of the chemo.

My wicker furniture arrived yesterday. I love it. Some problems but I hope they will go away soon.

Last night was my first investment club meeting everyone was there it was great. I'm back in officially the buy in wasn't too great. No meetings for the summer but we start again in September and are planing a trip either late October or the first of November. It is so great to be with them again. Most of them came to Texas to visit me last October. Billie spent alittle while with me today. I didn't realize how worried they were about me while I was in Texas. I know I was really low but Billie could hear it in my voice.

I got a traffic ticket Sunday night there was no place to park on either side of the street except on the yellow line and I parked there and of course it was a $20.00 fine.

Shari is off tomorrow I don't know where we will go. Maybe she will help me here I still need to do a picture wall in the living room. I put pictures up in the bedroom with Billie's help.

Finally I have an Internet connection

Grandson Eddie flew out to Canton on 4/19 Steven was a no show, that meant we had to pull my car behind the U-haul. Numbe one son came down to help me pack the truck and get me out of Texas. We started packing on Saturday night, we could never have got everything packed without number one son. Sunday and I had some more help my terrific massage therapist and her husband. They came and volunteered to be the muscle to carry everything to the truck. Number one son was in the truck packing everything. So far I have only found a couple of some small things that was damaged. One of my small bamboo shelves was dropped and some of the main posts are split very heavily. Hubbies foot locker that I had painted is sporting a big foot print. I wonder who that belongs to, another coat of paint will fix that.





I was panic stricken when I was directed to my new apartment one way was up 6 steep cement steps without a rail. Then along a sidewalk to the north a short way and west several feet to the apartment. That was really out of the question. I was having trouble breathing at sea level the mile high city was worse. There is a city street behind the apartments offering parking but the only way to the apartment was down a steep parking a city sidewalk and gravel , grass slope. I was fantic they couldn't find another apartment for me. I ask that stepping stones be added to the slope. They agreed but the landscaping people would have to do the work. I had volunteered to pay for the stepping stones. It has taken 2 weeks for them to get them installed but they work well. I am not afraid of falling like I was on the gravel.



The apartment is great the two bedrooms is working out a lot better than one. I have so much stuff to put in an offiice. While I was packing the roll top desk, I was wondering where I was going to put all of it if, I sold the desk. So the simple idea was just to take it with me.

The only thing that son was upset about was the patio table I use as a kitchen table. It is wrought iron and the legs don't come off. I just told every one that number one son was in charge and just do it his way and everything would go well and, it did. I'm giving number one son a hard time but really if he hadn't come down my time schedule would never have worked. He was wonderful to take his weekend to help momie pack and get out of Texas.



I am so set on doing a white wicker bedroom but I can't find any white wicker. I have been trying to buy some on line. It is out of New York they are suppose to pay the shipping I hope they do that is a long way.



My friend Shari from the neighborhood association has been a great friend, she has run around with me looking at furniture and she has sold me some of the furniture she hauled back from California. Shari's aunt passed away and she brought some of the really nice pieces back. I got a great leather chair and foot stool the chair reclines without being a recliner per say. The next piece is really a wall unit. Two book cases with a piece that includes a drop down desk. I am trying to fit it into my living room. Annie has been great to take me out and cheer me up when I am blue about leaving P in Texas.

Pat and family have just been living with me helping in everything Pat and wife put my kitchen hutch together. Don't ever buy furniture that has to be put together what a nightmare a jillen little pieces and all those screws. Melissa has been here emptying boxes and lugging books around grandma can't decide where she wants them.

Mother's day was great we all went to church together and finished that off with bar que from Powdell's. I received telephone calls from P and from number one son.

I think that catches my life up to the present. I promise it won't be that long before I post again.

internet problems

There is something wrong with the Wildblue equipment at my house. For the less than 20 days I am going to be there, I'm not going to pay for the service call. I am at p house using her wildblue connectiion to pay bills and hopefully finish my income tax.

I am living in a sea of boxes and things for our estate sale. They start moving them out on Tuesday. I have all my clothes in a suitcase so we can sell the desser and chest of drawers. The bedside tables were the hardest to clear out.

I'm going to be living here with an empty house for a week before the boys get here to drive me back to Albuquerque.

When I get back to Albuquerque I'll have more to say and a new e-mail address.

Blessed

I am always leary of people who go around saying how Blessed they are but I have felt that way so much lately. The people at church are going to move everything for my estate sale to a house in the middle of Canton on the main highway. It couldn't be a more perfect place to hold the sale. The moving of everything is going to be a huge huge job, but I have been assured that they will take care of all of it.

Talking with my friend that lost her husband a month before mine, I have felt Blessed that hubby was concerned enough about me to give me his retirement income when he died. When we retired we could have retired 9 different ways. We worked out how much each of us would have if the other one died. We equaled that out, so that each of us had the same amount of money if the other one died. We took less money while hubby was alive so that I could recieve his retirement after he was gone. Neither of us had a lot of life insurance but my income is enough that I can live comfortably on it. I do feel Blessed that hubby was concerned about how I could live monetarially without him.

Two other super friends have been apartment shopping for me all day Friday and found me what sounds like a perfect apartment. The apartment is just up the hill from Coors and Montano, behind the pizza place. We have been faxing the first forms to get the process started today. Two bedrooms in over 1,000 square feet, and in my price range if I sign a 6 months lease. Heaven forbid one move is enough I don't plan on moving again any time soon. I guess I shouldn't even thing that. Now I have to line up my grandsons to pack me and drive me to Albuquerque.

FRIENDS

The title of my blog is in caps because my friends that just left are just that capitol people. Two of my good friends from New Mexico have been here for almost a week. They came to pack me up so I could move. Now that is friends that are SUPER. It has taken me several days to get over there being here. Trying to keep up with them just about did me in.

I drove to Dallas yesterday P was along to keep me awake but we did just fine. I am going to be able to drive again. This having to have people take me to Dallas is for the birds.

My patio home in Albuquerque didn't work out so. A couple of friends are looking at apartments for me. It is so upseting not to know where I am going to land. I think I will be more settled once I know where I am going.

Well, I have just been told I can't hold an estate sale here. I have just read my lease and it does not say anything about an estate sale. Now do I go ahead and hold one and make a enemy of the mangers that have been friends or do I try to do something else. At this point I don't know what the something else would be. Does anyone have a suggestion?

Decisions, Decisions

Going through drawers and baskets under the bathroom sinks. I have a large bag to go to the good will. I have a large box of things for P and her m inlaw. I still have a lot of things to be mailed to Melissa( I can't find a box the right size to mail her things in).

A good friend in Albuquerque is chasing down a patio home in my old neighborhood. I have been waiting almost a week to hear about that one. I am waiting for an apartment magzine from P. I can't seem to be content to wait on a place to movein to. I would be a lot more at peace if I knew where I would be living in Albuquerque.

I'm waiting to hear if I can hold an estate sale here at the lakeside village. It will be a huge problem to move every thing somewhere else to sell. I'm still thinking of maybe taking only a u-haul trailer behind my car rather than a u-haul truck. Do I want to take a bed, table and chairs, and the two recliners. That would be the bare minimal to start over again with, or do I really want to really start over again and buy everything new.

I start rehab next week. I hope to have more strength so I can do more things.

My son tells me I don't have to rename my blog, so I'll leave it alone for now.

Caregiver?

I became a caregiver with a doctors diagnose for my hubby. When he was diagnosed with Alzhemhiers. I spent 6 years as his caregiver and added my daughter and grandaughter with the cancer diagnose 3 1/2 years ago. As fast as I became a caregiver my duties were over first hubby died and then my heath hit rock bottom. First came shingles the biggest warning sign that could have hit me. Next the vertebras in my back began to crumble. Since Thanksgiving three of my vertebras have crumbled and I have had to have surgery. I can no longer take care of someone else and most of the time I can't take care of myself



My oldest son told me that caregivers only last 18months before their health begins to fail. I guess I outlasted that by a few years. The decisons that my health has forced on me have been so painful that I have been trying to avoid them. My oldest son has been forceing them.

I can no longer stay in Texas, I have become a liabilty to my daughter rather than a help. It has been a very unsetting to me to be a liability rather than the caregiver. I am going back to Albuquerque the end of April when my lease is up. I now have the big big task of clearing out my house and moving.

I have spent the last 10 days of getting rid of paper, paper and more paper. I am going to try and sell everything I can so that I don't have to move so much. I have friends trying to find me a place to live in Alb. It will make things so much more settleing to have a place to movein in Alb.

I need a new name for my blog as I can't be a caregiver anymore.

4 visits to hospitals

Starting with last Thanksgiving, all the month of December I was in either Kaufman Pres hospital , Baylor hospital or Baylor Rehab. I had back surgery December 13th kphoplasty for vertebral compression fractures. The first fracture was up high where my bra strap goes across.
Second vertbra was low in my back. Second surgery was January 28. Third vertbra was low on my back about the same place as the second one. I was in pain with the third vertbra a very long time. We couldn't get the third surgery scheduled soon enough. Third surgery was February 14.

I spent another weekend in hospital in Tyler while they checked out my heart and lungs. Heart docs want me not to drink too much as I am water logged. No salt at all. The minute you go into the hospital or parimeds they plugg you into a IV. Three times Baylor has done x-rays, ekg's, lots of blood work and P tests. Never once have I been told to stop drinking water and they have hooked me up to IV's the whole time, it makes sence to restrick salt.

B was down from Okla for the first surgery, but I have had to arrange for rides to and from Dallas. P and David were with me for the second surgery, they were also with me for the weekend Tyler hosptal stay. P from Albuquerque flew into for the couple of days after surgery. P flew back to Albuquerque this morning. I am going to have to beg another ride to Dallas for my next check with back suregon.

My Sunday School class and the mission circles at church has been so terribly teriffic. It takes about 6 hours to drive to Dallas see doctors and drive home. You need to understand this is more than a 15 minute drive across town and an hour in a doctors office. This is a full day committment to take me to the doctor in Dallas.

My primary care doctor has given me some new medicine it is call Foreteo. I give myself a shot in the tummy every night at 10:00. Literature with this new med says " after you have had the first vertebra compression fracture you are 5 times as likely to have a second one, after you have had the second one you are as 12 times as likely to have a third." They didn't go on from there I am afraid to ask about the 4th or 5th. B ask if they could just fill them all up they have to be fractured to fil them up but medicare only lets them do 3 at one time. So far my MRI's only show the one at the time.

20 degrees below 0

45 years ago Colorado was in the deep freeze. It was 20 degrees below 0 and my water had just broke. It was about 10:00 at night, the boys were in bed ready for school the next day. My next door neighbor was alerted to get the boys off the school the next day. Hubby was at a young chamber of commerce meeting. This was a long long time before the days of cell phones. I called around trying to find out where the meeting was held. By the time I found out it where it was they were long time gone. Hubby finally came home and we started to the hospital on the icy and snowy streets of Pueblo, Colorado.

My labor wasn't very long and we had a beautiful little girl. She was a very very little girl 5 pounds and 5 ounces. They made me stay in the hospital almost a week. She lost weight and they were trying to get her to gain more weight before she went home. Once I got her at home and off the supplement bottle they had her on she gained weight and just did great.

I've missed seeing her today she had chemo and I had an appointment with the rehab people. I took her gifts over and left them, I also baked one of the applesauce cakes for her. I know she can't eat much of the cake but maybe a taste of it will help.