Terriffic Repose

My great massage therapist and I, went to a Bed and Breafast for a couple of days. This is a new BandB that they can't advertise yet. But if you want to see what is in the future go to www.arrowsridge.com and see for yourself. My hubby and I were lucky to have them work on our house when the plastic pipe broke. They have sence then made their own adobe's and built this beatiful B and B. Hubby and I were up there several times while they were building. Hubby loved walking over to the edge of the cliff and taking pictures of the huge valley that the B and B overlooks. These few days were the beginning of fall and the sharp drop in tempature.

They kept a fire in the great room and it was nice and toasty. The food was out of this world and so much of it. Our waiter at the table was their 10 year old son and he would put most of the waiters in Alb to shame.

I came back ready to tackle the rest of my move. Grandkids are set to finish it Saturday. My new bed is still on backorder so I am canceling that order. I have spent an hour on the phone trying to get the credit card company to cancel the payment. Tomorrow I will tackle the furniture company to cancel the order.

I still need to buy a washer and dryer. I had better get on that I hope I won't have to order that. I will need to wash clothes when I get over there.

I try to talk to P every day. It is so hard not to rush out there and be with her. But I know I would just be in the way. It hurts so hard to hear that she is planning the music and pictures for her furneal. It is so hard not to cry every time.

Moving Again

I'm trying to move again, it just seems like yesterday that I moved from Texas. I was so much more organized. I'm still trying to pack. Matt that has been helping with all the little things at the house he has moved a truck load today. I have help coming Saturday and Eddie is suppose to help. He has trouble getting away from his girl friend to help me move. I'm going to move into the kitchen and start in there tomorrow. My new bed doesn't get here until next week.

I had a ultra sound this morning it show nothing amiss. So I've had lots of tests for nothing except every thing is pretty good. I quess it was good that nothing came of it they don't do surgery in people over 75.

I've discovered Jon Stewart for my nightly chuckle before I go to bed I recommend that highly.

Friends , Friends and more Friends

What would I do without wonderful friends in both Texas and New Mexico. My transportation friends in Texas came through and took me to Love Field when I needed to go. My number one son was johnny on the spot to pick me up when I flew into Texas.

Number two son picked me up when I flew in this week. Time is going by so fast that I am looking at a move that is picking up quickly. It has taken me a couple of days to get back on my feet and start to organize this move. Two friends one each day said I needed a massaage. So I called my dear friend and massuse and she was right here last night. I was having trouble parking my car in the horrible city side of my apartment and she even parked it for me. We had made plans to go to her son and daughter-in-laws Bed in Breakfast. It is in the mountains bewteen Santa Fe and Las Vegas in New Mexico. My original plan was to be moved by then it doesn't seem possible now it is only one week away. But moved or not I want to spend a night up there while the weather is still pretty.

I am off to buy my new bed this morning while my grandson is tackling the roots of that giant juniper.

While I am on the idea number two son fixted my computer so that I can see that people are reading my blog. I wish the Santa Fe reader would leave a answer to one of my posts so I could get an idea of who it is. Oklahoma and Mississppi I can quess even if they don't leave a comment. Those out side of the US is really a mystery. I was ready to quit blogging until Pat showed me that I did have a readership. I say THANK YOU to all of you who take your time to read my thoughts. The journey of the last seven years yes even before I began blogging have been a very trying time and my blogging has been a great help.

I am really having to use friends and some family to help me move.

We had a family and friends gathering to listen to the VP debate it was such a great time I will have to tell you about that later.

Home Again

If you have been reading Penni's blog you know what a heaven sent recovery she has been making. I have been torn between staying with my daughter and coming home to move.
I left in such a rush that I had moved one load of boxes from the office. The rest of the packed up office is still sitting there. I have decided to move one room at a time beginning with the office.

Eddie tried to move the couch into my new office and they couldn't get through the door from the living room. I have to see what is going on with that. He also got all the tree limbs out of the patio from the tree he cut down. He got rid of the terrible big juniper in the front yard you can really see the house now. It was so hard to leave Penni but she is doing so much better and I really need to get this move over.

My church in Texas found out I was there and why and they covered us up with food. Penni's church brought more so even there was a lot of us we had more than enough to eat.

More on the move later.

Off Again to Texas

I got a phone call from Texas this morning so i am off again to Texas. Oldest son meeting me in Dallas.

If you want more info see Penni's blog,

Scarry, Scarry weather

I spent Friday night watching the hurracane it hurt. I was watching the wind first and then watching the news today Sunday Watching all the places that Jean, Hubby and I spent the summer roaming through and around. They are reporting from some of the little cities that we roamed through there little antingue shops. It really hurts to see them totally distroyed.

I am in the sign the papers and wait. Sellers out of town we have to wait for them to sign papers.
I am looking for someone to do yard work. I want that Hugh bush in front of the house removed. The old house on 67Th had a Hugh rose bush in the front hubby couldn't get that cut back. I notice its a little bigger now but still well and blooming away. This thing is just an overgrown juniper and I'm allergies to juniper I'm thinking about a lilac there.

I think I have solved the problem of not seeing who is at the front gate. There is a little camera that will let me see on the TV who is out there. Pat says he still has the one I gave him. If he can't find it I will have to chase one down.

Gloria and I are going shopping in Santa Fe tomorrow I am looking fore ward to that. I'll let you know how that goes.

New Computer

I finally have my new computer up and running. Pat and Linda were over Friday night and helped me get all of my Quicken moved over and in the program and running. Mark spent most of Sunday with me helping me get every thing up and running like my old one. We cleaned off the old computer so that I can give it to my friend that has been my main stay since I have been back to New Mexico. She has helped my transition to my apartment and helped with my search for a new house. My new house is just down the street from her it will save a lot in gas running back and forth.

I got a strange phone call from a friend from Union days. I called her awhile ago to let her know I was back in town. She has put me on the mailing list for Retiree Union Group. I planned to join again as I have missed that connection. I call was asking me to be sure and be at the next meeting, a couple of weeks away. I was planning on going anyway. But the catch on why they want me there. They want me to take the Vice President place on the Board. That is really getting in with both feet. I am not sure I am healthy enough or do I want that much responsibility.

I have some X-rays on Wednesday and I am suppose to sign papers on Friday. But still no time just a date. I called PB at ask about what time so that I could move my hair appointment. PB said no time has been given us so they can sign on our time not on there's.

I am putting off doing my paper work so I need to jump in.

Melissa has a new boy friend it is so nice to see her happy again. The boy Alex is so polite it is scary. But really is very nice and very very polite.

I got a very sweet card from Texas and Michelle.

Labor Day

Very quiet I guess I'll stay at home all day. I spent most of the day with Pat and family yesterday. I'm not sure about them very one sits around listening to Pat, Linda and I to talk. It is very good to just talk and visit with all of them.



I'm just waiting for the signing of the papers so that I can begin to move.



B fussed about the mattress that I was sleeping on in Texas so I sold the one had been sleeping on. I brought the one hubby was sleeping on. That one was the new pillow top that we bought when we first moved to Texas. So. . . as mattress goes that wasn't too old. Mattress and box springs are very high. I have to use a step stool to get into the bed. I was sleeping on the right side and I feel that it was slopping. I moved to the left side and that is more comfortable. I still don't like the step stool. I have been wondering about a twin bed size that would give me more room in the bedroom. Pat is pushing for a number mattress but that is very expensive.



I guess it is time to work on the pillows for the sofa. I will need to buy a new mattress for the sofa. Pat's family is enjoying sitting and laying on the sofa it seems to be extremely comfortable.



Less than 2 weeks before we sign the papers. I am still waiting for some papers for the mortgage company.

At Home at last

I flew home on Monday the 11th leaving Penni in a lot of pain. Gloria was with her and the hospic nurse was on her way. I had already purchased the ticket and all the arrangements were made. I am so glad they increased her pain med so she doesn't hurt.

Sunday night I had to do a scary thing. I bought a house sight unseen. Two good friends had been looking for a house for two weeks. On of my friends is a real estate agent the other just a good friend. I had made a bid on the house on there recomendation with a item that I had to see the house on Monday. The seller agreed to sell to me if I bought it sight unseen. Two or three other bids were on the house. I removed the item and bought the house sight unseen. I guess he thought if I was stuipd enought to do that I deserved to have the house. The good thing is that I really like the house. A two bedroom patio home in my old neighborhood. The address is on 67th street again. it is just on the other side of St. Joseph from my old house. The only problem is the size it is only 785 square feet. I bearly got everything in this 1000 square feet apartment.

The crazy thing is I bought a couch yesterday. It is a hide a bed covered with the fabric of the drapes I have been carrying around for 10 years. The hide a bed needs new covers on the seat pillows. I have plenty of fabric to cover them again. It really needs to be shampooed. In the mean while poor son had to rearrange his living room to store the new couch.

Comfort Zone

M was wanting to be in a comfort zone last night, she wanted to sleep with me. When I lived here she slept with me a lot, at that time we were sleeping on a queen size bed. Last night we both slept on a single bed, it was crowed but she wanted to do that. This morning she ask me to pick out a outfit for her to wear to Bible school. She had about 6 different outfits laid out on her bed, any of them were good matches. It is very srange that people on What Not to Weat can't pick out one matching outfit and a 8 year old could already pick out very good outfits.

Mom and Dad come home today and Dad goes to work this weekend. I have a few little things I want to do before I go home. I need to visit the good will and the dollar store one of them has to have a picture frame the right size.

The house I wanted to see in Albuquerque sold yesterday so I may have to look in a diffferent direction. Everybody is afraid I'm going to choose a house right away and be sorry I didn't look a little longer. Yes, I am anxious to get settled but they fail to remember how well I like to look at houses. Hubby use to think I wore the tires out on the car looking at houses. I remember bubba being unhappy with me because I wanted to look at houses after I picked him up from school. Maybe bubba can help me find a house again.

Ticket Home

I have purchased my ticket to go home on Monday 11th. I need to let P and her family have some time alone. Vacation Bible School is next week and I'm staying to take M every day. I have made plans with Deanne to have lunch on tuesday. Wednesday I go back to the foot doc. He wants to take my whole nail off and I'm afraid to have it new and painful while I'm trying to go through security and get all the way through airports. Gloria says it will be painful to sit in the plane for two hours. I'm not sure I'll let him to that.

We are going to get M hair trimed not cut we have to stress that today and then we are off to First Monday. I'll not sure how long that will last as P seems pretty tired today.

Looking at listings for houses on line has been a great way of spending time but I'm going to have to see them in person. I know that losing the other patio home was the best thing but I'm not sure how the financial thing is going to work out for buying one that is ready to live in.

Mini Family Reunion

So good to have P and L here. They were only here for two days, but they were quality days. The days were spent just sitting around and talking. Both evenings we spent at the motel with our fish in the pool. Aunt L was in with her both days and Uncle P the last night. M is just learning to swim and she doesn't have a lot of confidence without her little orange entertube. Uncle P took some movies of her swimming. Terrific to have part of my family together. Uncle B and Aunt K will be here tomorrow. P doesn't get to spend a lot of time with P and L so these last couple of days have been extra special. Too bad the grandkids weren't here but P saw them when she was in New Mexico.

I called the beauty shop that I was using before I left. They remembered and and I didn't have any trouble getting in. I was introduced to some ladies from First Methodist that I hadn't met before, I haven't got in touch with anyone from the church. I need to do that this coming week. Daryl that does my hair is interested in coming to New Mexico he wants to go to Red River he knows someone that has vacation cabins there he enjoys talking about New Mexico. He usually goes to Nevada.

We are looking foreward to B and K being here Sunday and Monday. Too bad I couldn't get both of the boys together.

Texas Again

Here I am again, it is just like I never left.

Plane trip was fine, M slept most of the way. P and D picked us up and we have a trip to Denny's on the way home. P was tired when we got home but seemed fine. We went to "Mama Mia" on Saturday. What fun it was a girls trip to the big city of Athens an afternoon movie and a late lunch. Sunday I was a little under the weather so I laid low. Today Terri took me to Terrell to the foot doctor. He cut my ingrown toenail out again I hope it is going to work this time.

I got a call from Shari and Rich last night. The house has mold and it is black, but the good news is that its only on the wallboard which can be replaced. Rich is finding out how much it is going to take to get this problem taken care of. I called the owners with the news and ask them to go and check out the problem for themselves. They are not interested and looking at it. They are going to take our word for the problem and how much to repair it. As soon as I get this last piece of info I can start neotiations again.

P tired after her trip to Dallas today but it is 100 degrees and the heat got to her. She rested and is up working on her blog. Stop by and leave her a message she is really enjoying them.

Other Shoe

The other shoe has finally dropped today. P Doctor has finally given up he has been so slow to give up Bless him he has tried every thing he could.

Michelle's other grandfather is going to drive her here to ABQ. Michelle and I are scheduled to fly to big D on Thursday. I guess D will meet us at the airport. I am so anxious to see P but the conditions are terrible.

I started negotations this week. Started out with tea and packets here at the house. Bev has given me a counter offer over the phone at the same time that they ask me to go to Texas. I was pretty emotional at the time she gave the same counter that she was throwing out without any input from the rest of the partners. She lied again that they had spent some time discussing this and they came up with the same she was throwing out at the table. She lied about showing athe house several times. We have proved that go one has been in the house but me and the people with me. After discussing it with Pat he was thinking more clearly than I am. I called back an gave another counter.

I have been cancelling doc appointments and rescheduleing some of them. Help me think of what I can do or say for P. I want to be with her but I'm not sure I can do it.

New Statement to Live by

Found this on the internet i like it.

Life is to short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

I like this!

Happy Fourth of July

Strange 4th I have spent the day by myself. Gloria came and did a massage other than that I have been by myself. Shari called this morning she is working today and doing a cookout for everybody working there. I spent the day writting letters to the docs and hosptials to get hubby's medical records sent to me. I mailed off the information to have the VA requesting the records be sent to them so they can check on the reason for his death If we can show a military connection it means several more hundreds of dollars a month for me.

Penni and I decided we needed statement attached to the back of the prayer in the picture frame in Michelle's bedroom. I've been working on one. I'm going to post it here also deleting some of the names.

This sampler was made in 1953 by Grandma C she was Grandma Bs mother. Grandma B was Grand Tena's mother. Your mother use to go to Colorado to spend part of the summer with her. Grandma C's husband was in the Civil War this is documented with the Daughters of the Confederacy. You are entitled to belong to the Daughters of the Confederacy.

The sampler was made for Uncle P before he was born 1953. The sampler is a prayer that was hung in Uncle P's room until he grew up. The prayer was hung again in your mother's room until she grew up. The prayer was hung again in Cousin M's room until she grew up Mommy ask for the prayer so M could have it in her room. The prayer was located, restored and sealed in the picture frame for you. Please take care of it for your little girl or boy.

Grandma C taught Grandma Tena to embroidery when Grandma Tena was 5 years old. Grandma Tena embodied the pillows for you mommy.

I hope this hides enough for the internet. I also hope it is enough information so a little girl won't forget the importance of the picture.

PENNI was just here

Penni and family were just here for only 3 days. Penni ate at Dions twice one of the things she wanted to do. We all went to Santa Fe to the National Cementary. There was a head stone for her fathers grave. I have been so spacey for all the the things about his death. I have just shoved all of that stuff away and I haven't been able to look at it. We went on to Glorieta to the Prayer Garden it was beautiful. The flowers left a lot to be desired. The plantings up there were so great in the past years. Hubby would have been disappointed. The shopping in Santa Fe was great my only second time in Coldwatercreek. I found a beautiful blouse for Penni just her style and on sale too. Problemly my only purchase in that expense store. We all had lunch at La Fonta a large round table so good to have that much of my family together. We were only missing B and family. We had some pictures taken I hope they come out good. I am anxious to see them. I was worried that the day would be too emotional but we all did pretty well. in spite of all the high emotions. We all hurt so deep in spite of our trying to hold it all in. David just carried it off well he loves Penni so much to be able to do this for her. They are off on the airplane home this morning. I couldn't get up to see them off. The walking yesterday just finished off my knees and I am having trouble walking. Also, I was so short of breath up in Glorieta that my chest hurt from the panting I was doing.

I have an appointment for a head MRI today I hope I can do it without panicking. I am trying to tell myself that I have to try and take care of myself now but that is hard to do. I just know I can't take care of Penni any more and boy does that hurt. They found a knot on my thyroid I don't know what that means yet. Shari has offered to go to the MRI with me today.

Patio home is on hold until I get some figures from the contractors.

Life is moving fast

I have been seeing a counselor I am hoping it will keep me from having anymore meltdowns. I am hoping that will satisfy my primarly care doc. I don't want to take any anti-depression pills.

A for sale sprouted up a few doors from Shari. It turned out to be the same floor plan as hers but it has been rented for the last 5 years and needs some TLC. I am trying to get some idea if I can qualify to buy it. I may not have enough money to buy it and fix it up too. I thought I had a VA loan coming but I found out that I don't. If hubby had died of a disability I could have the loan but because he didn't the paper for the VA loan is worthless.

You spend almost 57 years thinking of both of us as one individual and it is hard to seperate yourself after hubby leaves.

I have these grand plans of how I could buy the house and finish my 3 months on this lease and have the house fixed up while I am waiting out my lease. I would like to move into a freshly fixed up house so that I don't have to do anything. Shari has been throwing cold water on all my plans saying that it should be a fixer upper and that I should wait to do the repairs until after I move in. Otherwise the buyers would want more money for the house after it was fixed up. I now am having second thoughts about buying it. I don't want them tearing up the tiles in the bathroom, and painting after I move in. No, the more I think about it the more I don't want to live in the house while it is being repaired. Oh well it was a good idea anyway.

Yesterday was my Birthday and I had tummy problems all the night before so my lunch out and dinner out was very unsatifactory. Penni and Michelle called and sang Happy Birthday to me I am so anxious to see them next week. We are planning a outing to Santa Fe and Glorieta. Pat and family took me to dinner. Melissa and I had lunch and shopped a little I bought a dress but I think I will take it back. Bruce called while we were looking at the house and of course he doesn't want me to buy anything for 4 years as the housing market will be going down that long. I may not be alive in 4 years.

Well like I say life is moving on and am I moving with it or standing still?

Doctors Appointment

I had a terrible docors appointment. I went without taking my shingles and pain medication. I am so addicted to the pain medication. I had a melt down at the doctors office. She over reacted and wanted me to see a psychiatrist. She was holding me hostage. I had to call Pat to come an rescue me. I thought I had messed up a blood test that I took a couple of weeks ago. I went without taking my medication, so I could take another blood test. I have tried to tell her how addicted I am to that pain medication. I have to be able to get off of it some how.

Now I have to see some one to please this doctor. I still think I am entitled to a metle down once in a while. My apartment is getting to me, I can't seem to get it sorted out. I spent all yesterday afternoon trying to get my bath room put together. I am still throwing away old drugs of hubbys, also I had several bottles that my arthritis doctor had me get. I don't remember taking any of them I was in the hospital in Dallas or the rehabe. They have me taking anti depresents again. I don't know how that is going to work. I tried it once before about a year ago and it didn't work then I don't know if it will again.

Melissa, Richie and I went to early services again. Richie is so good when he is with only us. When we are with Daniel he has to compete. Shari and I went shopping for a coffee table today the one I really want is 12 inches too long. There is a round one that is a possiblity. I have to make up my mind by 6:oo pm tommorrow night. The sale goes off then. I hate to have pressure put on me. I still haven't come up with a price for the wall unit I put in the living room . I need to pay for it first.

Today's paper has come classes from the senior centers. There is one in June to be able to put ditgal pictures on the computer send them on e-mail. I think I will try to get in that one.

Unpacking still going on

I am still unpacking. My friend Shari has taken up a goodbit of my time. That is good I'm not worring about what is going on in Texas. P seems to be doing good inspite of the chemo.

My wicker furniture arrived yesterday. I love it. Some problems but I hope they will go away soon.

Last night was my first investment club meeting everyone was there it was great. I'm back in officially the buy in wasn't too great. No meetings for the summer but we start again in September and are planing a trip either late October or the first of November. It is so great to be with them again. Most of them came to Texas to visit me last October. Billie spent alittle while with me today. I didn't realize how worried they were about me while I was in Texas. I know I was really low but Billie could hear it in my voice.

I got a traffic ticket Sunday night there was no place to park on either side of the street except on the yellow line and I parked there and of course it was a $20.00 fine.

Shari is off tomorrow I don't know where we will go. Maybe she will help me here I still need to do a picture wall in the living room. I put pictures up in the bedroom with Billie's help.

Finally I have an Internet connection

Grandson Eddie flew out to Canton on 4/19 Steven was a no show, that meant we had to pull my car behind the U-haul. Numbe one son came down to help me pack the truck and get me out of Texas. We started packing on Saturday night, we could never have got everything packed without number one son. Sunday and I had some more help my terrific massage therapist and her husband. They came and volunteered to be the muscle to carry everything to the truck. Number one son was in the truck packing everything. So far I have only found a couple of some small things that was damaged. One of my small bamboo shelves was dropped and some of the main posts are split very heavily. Hubbies foot locker that I had painted is sporting a big foot print. I wonder who that belongs to, another coat of paint will fix that.





I was panic stricken when I was directed to my new apartment one way was up 6 steep cement steps without a rail. Then along a sidewalk to the north a short way and west several feet to the apartment. That was really out of the question. I was having trouble breathing at sea level the mile high city was worse. There is a city street behind the apartments offering parking but the only way to the apartment was down a steep parking a city sidewalk and gravel , grass slope. I was fantic they couldn't find another apartment for me. I ask that stepping stones be added to the slope. They agreed but the landscaping people would have to do the work. I had volunteered to pay for the stepping stones. It has taken 2 weeks for them to get them installed but they work well. I am not afraid of falling like I was on the gravel.



The apartment is great the two bedrooms is working out a lot better than one. I have so much stuff to put in an offiice. While I was packing the roll top desk, I was wondering where I was going to put all of it if, I sold the desk. So the simple idea was just to take it with me.

The only thing that son was upset about was the patio table I use as a kitchen table. It is wrought iron and the legs don't come off. I just told every one that number one son was in charge and just do it his way and everything would go well and, it did. I'm giving number one son a hard time but really if he hadn't come down my time schedule would never have worked. He was wonderful to take his weekend to help momie pack and get out of Texas.



I am so set on doing a white wicker bedroom but I can't find any white wicker. I have been trying to buy some on line. It is out of New York they are suppose to pay the shipping I hope they do that is a long way.



My friend Shari from the neighborhood association has been a great friend, she has run around with me looking at furniture and she has sold me some of the furniture she hauled back from California. Shari's aunt passed away and she brought some of the really nice pieces back. I got a great leather chair and foot stool the chair reclines without being a recliner per say. The next piece is really a wall unit. Two book cases with a piece that includes a drop down desk. I am trying to fit it into my living room. Annie has been great to take me out and cheer me up when I am blue about leaving P in Texas.

Pat and family have just been living with me helping in everything Pat and wife put my kitchen hutch together. Don't ever buy furniture that has to be put together what a nightmare a jillen little pieces and all those screws. Melissa has been here emptying boxes and lugging books around grandma can't decide where she wants them.

Mother's day was great we all went to church together and finished that off with bar que from Powdell's. I received telephone calls from P and from number one son.

I think that catches my life up to the present. I promise it won't be that long before I post again.

internet problems

There is something wrong with the Wildblue equipment at my house. For the less than 20 days I am going to be there, I'm not going to pay for the service call. I am at p house using her wildblue connectiion to pay bills and hopefully finish my income tax.

I am living in a sea of boxes and things for our estate sale. They start moving them out on Tuesday. I have all my clothes in a suitcase so we can sell the desser and chest of drawers. The bedside tables were the hardest to clear out.

I'm going to be living here with an empty house for a week before the boys get here to drive me back to Albuquerque.

When I get back to Albuquerque I'll have more to say and a new e-mail address.

Blessed

I am always leary of people who go around saying how Blessed they are but I have felt that way so much lately. The people at church are going to move everything for my estate sale to a house in the middle of Canton on the main highway. It couldn't be a more perfect place to hold the sale. The moving of everything is going to be a huge huge job, but I have been assured that they will take care of all of it.

Talking with my friend that lost her husband a month before mine, I have felt Blessed that hubby was concerned enough about me to give me his retirement income when he died. When we retired we could have retired 9 different ways. We worked out how much each of us would have if the other one died. We equaled that out, so that each of us had the same amount of money if the other one died. We took less money while hubby was alive so that I could recieve his retirement after he was gone. Neither of us had a lot of life insurance but my income is enough that I can live comfortably on it. I do feel Blessed that hubby was concerned about how I could live monetarially without him.

Two other super friends have been apartment shopping for me all day Friday and found me what sounds like a perfect apartment. The apartment is just up the hill from Coors and Montano, behind the pizza place. We have been faxing the first forms to get the process started today. Two bedrooms in over 1,000 square feet, and in my price range if I sign a 6 months lease. Heaven forbid one move is enough I don't plan on moving again any time soon. I guess I shouldn't even thing that. Now I have to line up my grandsons to pack me and drive me to Albuquerque.

FRIENDS

The title of my blog is in caps because my friends that just left are just that capitol people. Two of my good friends from New Mexico have been here for almost a week. They came to pack me up so I could move. Now that is friends that are SUPER. It has taken me several days to get over there being here. Trying to keep up with them just about did me in.

I drove to Dallas yesterday P was along to keep me awake but we did just fine. I am going to be able to drive again. This having to have people take me to Dallas is for the birds.

My patio home in Albuquerque didn't work out so. A couple of friends are looking at apartments for me. It is so upseting not to know where I am going to land. I think I will be more settled once I know where I am going.

Well, I have just been told I can't hold an estate sale here. I have just read my lease and it does not say anything about an estate sale. Now do I go ahead and hold one and make a enemy of the mangers that have been friends or do I try to do something else. At this point I don't know what the something else would be. Does anyone have a suggestion?

Decisions, Decisions

Going through drawers and baskets under the bathroom sinks. I have a large bag to go to the good will. I have a large box of things for P and her m inlaw. I still have a lot of things to be mailed to Melissa( I can't find a box the right size to mail her things in).

A good friend in Albuquerque is chasing down a patio home in my old neighborhood. I have been waiting almost a week to hear about that one. I am waiting for an apartment magzine from P. I can't seem to be content to wait on a place to movein to. I would be a lot more at peace if I knew where I would be living in Albuquerque.

I'm waiting to hear if I can hold an estate sale here at the lakeside village. It will be a huge problem to move every thing somewhere else to sell. I'm still thinking of maybe taking only a u-haul trailer behind my car rather than a u-haul truck. Do I want to take a bed, table and chairs, and the two recliners. That would be the bare minimal to start over again with, or do I really want to really start over again and buy everything new.

I start rehab next week. I hope to have more strength so I can do more things.

My son tells me I don't have to rename my blog, so I'll leave it alone for now.

Caregiver?

I became a caregiver with a doctors diagnose for my hubby. When he was diagnosed with Alzhemhiers. I spent 6 years as his caregiver and added my daughter and grandaughter with the cancer diagnose 3 1/2 years ago. As fast as I became a caregiver my duties were over first hubby died and then my heath hit rock bottom. First came shingles the biggest warning sign that could have hit me. Next the vertebras in my back began to crumble. Since Thanksgiving three of my vertebras have crumbled and I have had to have surgery. I can no longer take care of someone else and most of the time I can't take care of myself



My oldest son told me that caregivers only last 18months before their health begins to fail. I guess I outlasted that by a few years. The decisons that my health has forced on me have been so painful that I have been trying to avoid them. My oldest son has been forceing them.

I can no longer stay in Texas, I have become a liabilty to my daughter rather than a help. It has been a very unsetting to me to be a liability rather than the caregiver. I am going back to Albuquerque the end of April when my lease is up. I now have the big big task of clearing out my house and moving.

I have spent the last 10 days of getting rid of paper, paper and more paper. I am going to try and sell everything I can so that I don't have to move so much. I have friends trying to find me a place to live in Alb. It will make things so much more settleing to have a place to movein in Alb.

I need a new name for my blog as I can't be a caregiver anymore.

4 visits to hospitals

Starting with last Thanksgiving, all the month of December I was in either Kaufman Pres hospital , Baylor hospital or Baylor Rehab. I had back surgery December 13th kphoplasty for vertebral compression fractures. The first fracture was up high where my bra strap goes across.
Second vertbra was low in my back. Second surgery was January 28. Third vertbra was low on my back about the same place as the second one. I was in pain with the third vertbra a very long time. We couldn't get the third surgery scheduled soon enough. Third surgery was February 14.

I spent another weekend in hospital in Tyler while they checked out my heart and lungs. Heart docs want me not to drink too much as I am water logged. No salt at all. The minute you go into the hospital or parimeds they plugg you into a IV. Three times Baylor has done x-rays, ekg's, lots of blood work and P tests. Never once have I been told to stop drinking water and they have hooked me up to IV's the whole time, it makes sence to restrick salt.

B was down from Okla for the first surgery, but I have had to arrange for rides to and from Dallas. P and David were with me for the second surgery, they were also with me for the weekend Tyler hosptal stay. P from Albuquerque flew into for the couple of days after surgery. P flew back to Albuquerque this morning. I am going to have to beg another ride to Dallas for my next check with back suregon.

My Sunday School class and the mission circles at church has been so terribly teriffic. It takes about 6 hours to drive to Dallas see doctors and drive home. You need to understand this is more than a 15 minute drive across town and an hour in a doctors office. This is a full day committment to take me to the doctor in Dallas.

My primary care doctor has given me some new medicine it is call Foreteo. I give myself a shot in the tummy every night at 10:00. Literature with this new med says " after you have had the first vertebra compression fracture you are 5 times as likely to have a second one, after you have had the second one you are as 12 times as likely to have a third." They didn't go on from there I am afraid to ask about the 4th or 5th. B ask if they could just fill them all up they have to be fractured to fil them up but medicare only lets them do 3 at one time. So far my MRI's only show the one at the time.

20 degrees below 0

45 years ago Colorado was in the deep freeze. It was 20 degrees below 0 and my water had just broke. It was about 10:00 at night, the boys were in bed ready for school the next day. My next door neighbor was alerted to get the boys off the school the next day. Hubby was at a young chamber of commerce meeting. This was a long long time before the days of cell phones. I called around trying to find out where the meeting was held. By the time I found out it where it was they were long time gone. Hubby finally came home and we started to the hospital on the icy and snowy streets of Pueblo, Colorado.

My labor wasn't very long and we had a beautiful little girl. She was a very very little girl 5 pounds and 5 ounces. They made me stay in the hospital almost a week. She lost weight and they were trying to get her to gain more weight before she went home. Once I got her at home and off the supplement bottle they had her on she gained weight and just did great.

I've missed seeing her today she had chemo and I had an appointment with the rehab people. I took her gifts over and left them, I also baked one of the applesauce cakes for her. I know she can't eat much of the cake but maybe a taste of it will help.

Pain

Pain is taking up most of my time. I am going from one pain pill to another. I have tried to up my pain pills but that just puts me to sleep. I can live on just the one pain pill but I can't seem to do much else. I am having trouble getting rides to Dallas for my appointments. They did a
M RI on Friday. I had a very delightful day. One of my Sunday School mates drove my car to Dallas. We stopped at Hobby Lobby on the way back and had lunch at Salt Grass. Hobby Lobby doesn't have anymore embroidery kits. I am reduced to stamping my own. I did do a set of pilllow cases in cats. I quess I will give them to Michelle or Melissa they both like cats. The other stamp pictures are of hummingbirds and morning glories.

I have to go back to the Doctor on Wednesday if Steven can't take me I will have to try they Sunday School class again.

Tuesday is P birthday she has chemo on that day. I have several gifts for her I'm going to give them to her on Monday instead. They are gone to South Texas for the weekend. I am hoping it hasn't been too much for her.

I am going to tackle Melissa's room Monday she has left so many clothes. It is going to cost me a fortune to mail it all to her.

Happy New Year 2008

Home At Last

I came home yesterday, and all of my kids called to see if I was alright. I'm getting around the house but slow. I started this yesterday and my computer crashed. I spent the day yesterday waiting for my help here in the village to be available. Gloria finally called about Michelle's birthday party. I bought Michelle a Bible book at First Monday sometime ago. I hid it in my closet and I found it for her. I'm sorry I didn't have more for her.

Penni is looking very tired, she wants so much to have this party for Michelle. None of the little girls from school showed up. The same thing happened last summer at the unbirthday party. Michelle's brownies showed up last summer and she had a great party. Her cousins being here has made this birthday a good one in spite of Mommie being sick and grandma hopping around.

I got a e-mail from a long ago friend. I have often wondered what happened to her. When they moved to Texas our lives took different paths and we lost track of each other. I understand we are both widows now. Maybe we can catch up on our lives>

I am still having trouble making the term widow apply to me. I am still having lots of pain in just moving in the morning. I have taken lots of pain meds and I will try to get dressed. My village help is tied up this morning, if they don't materize this afternoon I am going shopping by myself.

Busy Week

What a busy week. I have found a way to keep the power cord to my computer plugged in. Bruce went home Sunday and I found someone to wheel me through the tunnel on Tuesday. I got to spend an hour with Penni. Penni went home yesterday.

I had water therapy 4 days this last week. The pool will be shut down for repair the next two weeks so that is the last pool therapy for me. The pool was great.

I am sore but I am able to move around alot more. One of the pt therapist says she can move my pelivis and tailbone to relieve the nerve pain. I hope the doc's give her enough time to try that this coming week.

They are giving me a pass to go to Penni's for Christmas day. I hate that David has to drive me both ways. I need to call P later today to see if she has that worked out.

I'm going to read some blogs to find out what is going on.

Rehab

Monday they have a very agressive schedule for me in rehab today I hope I can do all of it. One of the doc's this morning said I would do good in water therpay I hope they schedule m.e for that.

My computer has not been working Bruce thought my battery was shot. I am getting a low message now. The cord for power isn't working unless I hold it. More later

Over

Surgery fiished, the surgery wasn't bad but due to a shortage of beds. I stayed in the recovery room until I could come back to rehab today. They closed down the recovery I was in about 11:00 pm last night. The warehoused us about 6 of us in a

larger recovery in another hospital.



Strange feeling to just be warehoused without a nurse assigned or even a call button to call someone. After a lot of yelling and screaming on my part. I got some attention. They were all too glad to put me to sleep to shut me up. I can't believe they would treat people that way.



I am back in rehab I'm not too sure how this will work. I am still sore and hurt flat of my back above my tailbone and my tailbone. Is this some other problem or just sore from all of the exercise over last weekend.

Surgery

Liz (from the surgerons office) came in a few minutes ago and said surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. This surgery is suppose to be a miracle. They will put a balloon in the verabay blow it up, they will deflate and fill the same space with cement. This is suppose to take care of my pain. I will still have the nerve damage to the left leg. I hope they will re admit me to take care of the nerve damage so I can move my left leg. I also need to be able to climb the stairs to the deck, so I can get in to the house.

Bruce is down from OK. He will be staying at my house and driving back and forth. P is back in the hospital. She has a bowl impaction and an infection again. I have tried to call her but her hospital phone isn't working. A early surgery is better than waiting all day to have one. They still haven't transfered me from re-hab to the hospital.

Will post more after surgery.

Catch up

I will try to fill in the rest of this story. I am now in re-hab at Baylor. I have a fractered veribray. No spelling book so my spelling is terrible. The brake is up under my bra line but my pain is in my tail bone. They have put me in a brace I have to wear when I am up. They have been giving me 3 hours of therapy a day. It is getting very painful.

We talk to the doc tomorrow about surgery.

More, More Pain

Thusday I managed to get a few things for Christmas at Walmart while I was waiting for a perscription to be filled.

I was very ill Thursday night and in a lot of pain. Friday morning when D called I couldn't get out of bed. It took me 20 minuets to get to the front door to let him in. D called an ambulance and shipped me off to the hospital in Kaufman. D stayed with me all day in the ER and unil than put me into a room. B came down and both D and B stayed with me along with Dr. Zaleta to see what to do next. We deceided on a tranfer to Baylor and me doc than in Kaufman.

Sunday was just a down day nothing much going on.

Monday we started in with tests and ended with a MRI

More More Pain

Thursday I had progressively trouble getting around with the walker. I managed to get some things for Christmas bought at Walmart while I was waiting for a drug perscription.



I hurt all Thusday night in bed and Friday morning I couldn't move. D called me and I told him I couldn't get out of bed. It took me 20 minutes to get to the front door to let D in. D calle ambulance and shipped me off to the hospital in Kaufman. D stayed with me all day in the ER

More Pain

Monday November 26 I had a x ray of my hips and a test for blood clots. They couldn't find anything at Kaufman and sent me to se RA doc.

I managed to keep my dental appointment on Tuesday.

Wednesday I had one of the stangest doc appointments with the RA Doc. It was very late in the day and every one was rushing arounding trying to get out of the office. The doc blew in for about two minutes and took one look at me and said saic nerve and left. I had this troop of people rushing around and giving me 6 or 8 shots in my back. I kept asking what they were putting in the only answer I could get was something like a pain killer you have had the dentist. By then I hurt so bad I quess I just let them do anything if it would stop the pain. They then used a 10 units on my back. While using 10 units they puts strips on my arch of my foot and my heel. This had needles in it that hurt like hell. I think they were measuring my nerve reaction> They were going to sent that off to be read<> I was rushed out of there with an appointment for some kind of a spinal cord test with dye on December 10th in Tyler.

I managed to drive home for Tyler after dark.

Pain

It has been less than a month since I have blogged and so much has happened. My whole world has changed. With M and Melissa's help I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner. I got through Thanks giving holding on to everything. Counter tops stoves any thing upright. B came down and I had all the kids together. We had a picture taken you can see it on Pat's site. I kept looking for hubby. We all missed him saying Grace. But his son did a great job.

Melissa when home and the house was very empt for Sadie and I.

Pain

It hasn't been month since my last post and the my whole world has changed. I got through Thanksgiving with M and Melissa helping me cook. I hung on to every counter top and stove to stay upright. They let P come home for Thanksgiving. B came down and it was good to have all the kids together. I kept looking for hubby he wasn't there to say grace, his son did great as well.

Melissa went home and the house seems very empty.

Pizza

Melissa doesn't like to hear my stories, so I quess I will just have to post them here.

When Hubby came home from overseas, the boys were about 2 and 4. Hubby was stationed at El Torro in California. We lived in town Santa Ana for awhile and then moved into base housing. Old barracks type of apartments three or four apartments downstairs and the same up stairs. We lived in the middle with aparments on both sides of us. They gave us a three bedroom apartment the boys had one room and we had another and the third was used as a storeage room. This was the last stop for us in the military.

We very seldom went out at night we couldn't afford a babysitter and most of the time one was never available. But, we did go out one night with several other couples to Irving California. We had red wine and pizza. I had never had pizza before and had never heard of it. We had a great time. Little old Pueblo Colorado hadn't heard of pizza. Hubby didn't come back from Japan talking about pizza. I'm sure some interprizing guy brought the idea from back east some where. Just a small little pizza joint serving wine or beer with pizza. About 10 miles from a very large Marine Airbase.

Well that's my stupid little story for tonight.

Pain

My walking at First Monday has really done me in. I at first thought that I could walk out the soreness from my walking, but walking has just made it worse. Saturday I went to workshop for missions at Mineola. I forced myself to walk in a large room several times. When I got home I was in so much pain I couldn't walk. I tried the heat and cold all Saturday night it helped very little. Sunday morning I even tried a epsom salt bath. That is a difficult operation in a bathtub as small as ours. I tried calling my massaage gal but didn't get in touch with her. I tried today my bone crusher, it seems to have helped. I'm still moving slow but in less pain than before. I've been doing two pain pills during the day.

Friends

The last few days my friends have been here from Albuquerque. That really shows you good friends when they come all the way to see me. Thursday we went to I-Hop to meet them for dinner. Friday morning they came for breakfast, it was teriffic. Melissa and I had to make quiche on Thursday night because the bakery didn't make the quiche.

Friday was Melissa Birthday and because she had to spend it with a bunch of old ladies her attitude was lousy. The Girls bought her a smell bear that smelled like lavender. She thanked them but not very well. We all took her out to dinner to celibate. She told me later it was a terrible Birthday. She much prefered last year because she got presents. I offered to buy her what she wanted but she didn't want anything.

Saturday morning we went back to First Monday Melissa now wants to buy everything in sight. I have trouble keeping a handle on the money I took. She is going to have to re imburse me for part of the money that was spent.

The little town of Canton was so logged with cars that we couldn't even go after the mail today.

The afternoon was just down time at home. I have been trying to do laundry and hem up some pants I bought. Melissa has spent most of the afternoon sleeping I have insisted she wake up but she has been watching TV and do nothing. I have been trying to account for the money spent, it has been difficult.

It has become event that Melissa cannot stay with me any longer, it has become impossible to get her to do anything. I can no longer put up with ther attitude.

October 24, 1950

San Bernadino, California 3:00 pm Temperature is a warm 72 degrees the sun is shinning, the sky is a clear blue. A young couple walks out of a church in the warm sunshine to see school getting out across the street. All the young students are glad to be out of school and are runing in every direction. Tena and Bill were just married in the Baptist Church. Not a lot of people were in attendance, just the brides parents and the groom's mother. Tena and Bill would begin there married life in the Mojave desert. There first love nest would be a 18 foot trailer. Tena immediately tried to burn it down by putting a cake in the oven and taking off to the base to pick up Bill a 20 mile round trip. Neighbors in the trailer park jimmed the door open and saved the day by turning off the oven. The cake was a crispy critter. Our biggest wedding gift was old coupe car. This really saved us we were living 10 miles from the base an really needed transportation. The groom had just signed up for additional six years of the Marine Corp.

This was the last half of the 20th century, the beginning of the Korean War. The founding of a dynasty. Four children, 3 living, 6 grandchildren, 1 great grandson. Three sons, first son with a doctorate, second son with a masters, third son died at birth. Only daughter's passion is working with newborns in intensive care. Three granddaughters oldest married, middle is making a career of taking care of grandma, the youngest busy being a second grader. Three grandsons oldest making a name for himself in media and news, middle is trying his luck with Walmart, the youngest is in construction. Great grandson living with his Mom in Arizona we don't see nearly enough of him.

We almost made 57 years and people said it wouldn't last.

Good News

I went to take granddaughter to her mom after school today. Mom was very tired it had been a long week of chemo and radition. While I was there she got a phone call from her doc's office. Her blood markers for cancer that had been over 600 were down to about 287. We don't know what is working, chemo, radition, prayer or every thing but it is very good news.

I had one of my newest friends offer to drive daughter today. This left Melissa and I free to go to pumpkin patch with Michelle. It takes so little to make her happy we have to keep up with her. We have been so worried about P that we tend to forget how much the little one needs.

P has a list of things that needs to be done. Melissa and I are going to have to start going over on the week ends and tackeling that list. P treatments take all of her energy. The thing that we can't do is paint her hallway we have to find someone to do that. I just had an idea who could do that. Next time I get a massage I will have to check that out.

After 10 days

Daughter is home after 10 days of being in the hospital. She has to go back Monday through Friday for radition. We set down and wrote down a schedule for the next 5 weeks. That means two to three trips a times for the next 5 weeks. Melissa has had to grow up a lot this last week. She had to give up two special things at Church one Saturday afternoon and the goodbye meeting for the youth director. I gave Melissa a treat today she had her first massage. I am trying very hard to see that she has some time away from old granny.

Daughter seems to be doing some better, she is able to eat a little and is having some small BM's. These things are what all the chemo and radition is for, if we can just get her blood marker's down. She has chemo every Monday the same day she has radition. Her nausea is over whelming I just hope we can keep it under control. I am so glad that Melissa is here to help with the driving. I drove all the way to Dallas on Sunday and I drove most of the way home on Monday.

We had our own taste tests today. Michelle, Melissa and I we tried 3 different energy bars. We have decided on one to put in our cooler pack that we carry in the car. Thank heavens it was the cheaper one. Melissa had a blood sugar crash on Monday. She had disliked her sandwich Monday and the package of chips didn't take her through the rest of the day. I have boiled some eggs and she is eating them for breakfast that will cover her protein in the morning. Now maybe the energy bars can pick up for anyother emergency.

I certainly hope Michelle will be better with mommy home. She just doesn't need to give her Mom the attitude she has given her grandma's the last 10 days.

I called Jenny yesterday I got a 20 minute spell and then came the clicher the enrollment fee if $500.00 per year.

Keep praying for all of us we are just doing what has to be done every day.

Columbus Day

I can't turn on the TV without someone trying to sell me something because it is Columbus Day. I didn't know that East Texas has a heavy Italian population? I know it is just another excuse to sell, sell, sell cars, mattress's and etc.



Forty four years ago I was very pregnant and living in Pueblo, Colorado which did have a large Italian population. Hubby was working for IBM and was a very big presence in the young up and coming young JC's. We had two lively little boys that I had trouble keeping up with. The wives of the young JC's had a maternity closet of clothes that was circulated among those that needed them. I was lucky to have the use of the black printed corduroy. The corduroy had litle pink roses on it. I thought I really looked good with a black sweater under the smock top and a corduroy skirt that matched the smock top. We were invited to a Columbus Day dinner. The dinner was held in the Italian part of town. The lodge hall was upstairs over the commercial stores down stairs. The room was full of long tables pushed together all the length of the room and as many rows of tables as they could get into the room. The chairs were back to back and very difficult to get up or down and neogotiate getting down the row of tables. When you are prenant you have to make a lot of trips to the little girls room. The speeches went on forever and the temperature in the room kept rising. The spaghetti was very, very good and everything that went with it.



These are my thoughts as we are approaching Columbus Day.

National Cementary

Maybe 20 years ago, Billie and I were attending one of our many Union Conventions. We were having breakfast in a lovely dinning room filled with windows. We could look across a busy highway and see the mist drifting over the tomb stones of the Santa Fe National Cementary. The peace that I felt in my heart was overwhelming. I said to to no one but with Billie listening I would like to be burried there. I later related that feeling and conversation to my hubby. He perked up and said he would look into it. I think he went to look for himself and felt the same way. Years later he tried to make reservations but they never admitted he had. Hubby was always so proud of the fact that he had served and spent 8 years of his life in the military. He would have been a career man but he felt God had other plans for him. He felt at one time it was in the ministry. But his ministry was with little ones, every time we met a former student of his they were always glad to see him. He made a big impression on everyone he taught, how much and what they learned we will never know but they did remember him. God used him to teach they little ones for 27 years. His ministry in a church was brief and short lived, his Alheimers took over and kept him from fulfilling that part of his life.

Hubby was so proud of being an old soldier. He worked so hard at the State Defense Force, he spent so many hours and so much effort into an organization that doesn't remember him or else doesn't exist any more.

I feel hubby is finally at peace and feels he is at last in a place where he is remembered that he did serve and with distintion. Santa Fe National Cementary holds many an old and some not so old soldiers. Among them are friends known and unknown, hubby and I went to some services there. Hubby was present at so many services for State Denfense Force friends, maybe they really are all gone. It is a comfort to know that John and Jean are already there waiting for us. Annie's hubby is already there and there is a place for her. How terrific that finally there is no secration and Annie and her hubby are as welcome there as the rest of us. Only in our lifetime has that come to past. I could not have made it through everything in Albuquerque if it wasn't for Annie. Great friends like that are hard to find.

I can't post about P yet the pain is too fresh and hard to bear.

Finally home

We finally arived home on September 10th. What would I do without great friends? I had a great friend drive me home. I was so afraid for Melissa and I to try it on our own. The three of us had a long trip. We didn't get to stop early enough and we were very tried by the time we found a motel to spend the night. We arrived home early on Sunday to a very good looking home. We spent 3 hours taking my friend to Love Field on Monday morning in a heavy rain storm. We then spent the rest of Monday at Baylor with P. P finally got to go home on Saturday. We were over their on Sunday watching the visiting nurse set everything up for P home care. I can't do any thing in getting the stuff ready for the night feeding through her tummy. I am so glad her mother-in-law can do all of that. I spent all day Tuesday and Wednesay with P trying to take care of her but I couldn't do much. Her hubby was out of town so I got to sleep on the sofa to just be with her. She doesn't need anything to eat. I have just been taking care if Michelle.

I am really concerned about the amount of home work they are giving to 2nd graders. It takes my grandaughter from the time she comes home until she goes to bed to get her homework done. She doesn't have anytime to be a kid. She seems to have block against spelling. No matter how much we go over and over her words she can't remember them. She sail through her math and reading. If she can read why can't she spell?

My friend here in Texas was over this morning. I called to tell her I was home and she came over. We spent some time in prayer and just discussing the current problems and my stress level. She is such a dear to be johny on the spot to help me in prayer and encourage me to just keep on keeping on. I tried to get Melissa to fix tea and cookies for us this morning while Elizabeth was here. She had no idea how to fix a tea party for the three of us. Elizabeth thinks I am graceful, I feel like I have gained so much weight that I am a clumsy cow.

I have been teasing Melissa that she is my Paid Ladies Companion. I just haven't fiquered out how to pay her. Unfortunately she has never read a Gothic Novel about the poor paid ladies companion and her mysteries. I'm going to have to find one so she can read it to me. I quess the time she is spending with me can be used in comon cent training and everyday home refinements. I am so afraid that I am wasting Melissa's life in staying with me instead of being in school or working.

Melissa tells me that we never had tea parties when she was little. I quess I was so busy with the Union that I neglected my grandaughter. The next trip to the grocery store we need little cans of bisquits. I've sent Melissa off to the postoffice and grocery store so we can have a tea party for dinner tonight. If P doesn't need me tomorrow we may go to the bookstore.

When it rains it pours

Trip back to Albuquerque was long and hard. Son drove all the way and I slept.



While I was checking into the motel P was being taken out by Paramedics. She was in the hospital for the funeral. What she said to me on the way out was take care of Michelle.

We had the funeral it went well, so many friends came, Bruce did a good job in conducting the service. The reception afterwards was marvelous I got see so many friends and visit with them. Liz at the Union office set up all the reception for me and it went so well. I still need to give her a gift for so much help. Talk about above and beyond the call.

I then spent to day in the hospital with a bowel blockage. Don't ask how that happened.

P flew home to Dallas and was in Baylor she is suppose to be home today. David and Michelle flew home and left me with the car to take home. I finally found a friend to drive home with me but we can't go until the Saturday after labor day. I am going to take Melissa home with me under a long contract of things for her to do.

Annie has been terrific in allowing me to stay so long. I am going to spend a few days next week in Farmington with Billie.

More later about my experience papering Albuquerque with Death Certificates.

Post

The only words I can think of to say to my hubby is
"Good night sweet Prince"

It's Over

Hubby passed away yesterday morning. here is his obit.

Died August 12 2007 he was born April some 70 years ago. He was U.S. Marine Corp veteran of World War II and the Korean conflict. Graduated with a MFA, he was a retired educator of 27 years. Volunteer of a State Defense Force with the rank of Colonel. He volunteered for the Red Cross and the Children's Hospital. He was also an ordained Baptist minister who was active in several churches. Services will be held in a National Cemetery. Surviors include his wife of 56 years, two sons and wives, a daugther and husband, one sister, 6 grandchildren, one great grand child.

Hard to sum up his life in just one paragraph.

Waiting with Computers

My living room is strange looking, I am sitting with both of my sons. We all three have our laptops and are doing different things. I am blogging, son one is doing research on his Dads family. Son two is reading blogs and I think blogging now.

Hubby has been in a deep sleep all last night, we all were poping up at different times to check on him. Pat and I changed him this morning and gave him more meds. He has been in a deep sleep sence then.

With number one son here it brings back all the trouble with the SBC and why we don't have the support of a local Baptist Church. All the time and effort hubby and I gave and all the rest of the family. Now when we need there help they are no where to be found. I am sure we are not the only one of the many many Baptist that are so denied the support they need.

I have told my kids never to do this again it is too hard. I know it has been the right thing to do for hubby. But just the being closed in the house and waiting for now 6 weeks has been too much. I could not have done it with Pats help, P and B have been here when they could. I have had there support or it would have been impossible. When my Dad died he was in a hospital and he suffered alot. They wouldn't let him have water it was bad for him and the pain was there you could see it in his face and his voice. With hubby here all you have to do is see the pain and you give him his meds and it stops. We have not allowed him to be in pain at all.

Another Day

P and I were up about 5:00 am with hubby. P had been up about 4:00 am given him meds tried to get him calmed down. She woke me up at 5:00 to help change him and get him up in the bed. He is so heavy that the both of us can't lift him enough to scoot him up in bed. He was so agitated we couldn't get him calmed down. He wanted out of bed, he told me " I know where to go, let me get up." He hadn't said two words yesterday, and he was so clear today. iI had to give him more meds including the cream that is suppose to calm him down. He is sleeping heavily now but is all scruned over in the bed. P has to leave about 11:00. Pat will be here later, I don't know if B is coming or not. I know I can't move him by myself, but I can give him his meds. I had to rub his legs until the meds took effect today to keep him in bed.

I have spent the morning reading blogs just to get out of the situation here. But it is time to face the music again.

Time is Near

Hubby is going down fast it was just Sunday he was playing balloons with Michelle. Monday night we started watching a John Wayne movie at 10:00 pm. He wouldn't let me turn it off to go to bed until it was over at 1:00am. Tuesday he got up and walked into living room to his chair. I couldn't get his morning pills down him or any food. He sat in the chair and slept off and on for a couple of hours. I ask him if he wanted to go to bed and he said yes. I had trouble getting him to stand up. I was holding by both forearms when I finally got him on his feet. He looked at me and said "Do you want to dance?" I had so much trouble getting him to walk into the beddroom. His legs didn't want to hold him up. He has been in bed since that time, but I can't get him to lay down. He is like the jack in the box. You lay him down and in just a few minutes he pops back up. He wants to sit on the side of the bed. This morning he was so close to the edge of the bed we were afraid he was going to fall off. P and I pulled and tried to pick him up. We finally tore the bed up pulling on the sheet to get him back on the bed and up to the head of the bed. The nurse and the aid or both suppose to be here today maybe they can help us get the bed straigthened out.

Hubby is just like he is in a fog. We can't get him to stand up or move when we ask him to he looks at us and recognizes us. His body and his brain are not working together. He doesn't seem to process what we say to him.

Pat is still in Albuquerque, he seems to be getting his leave straigthened out so he can be here for at least the next 10 days or so. P is taking time off work to be here with me Michelle doesn't want to be left out. I'm not so sure it is good for her to be here at this time but she wants to be with mom and grandma.

My shingles started being so painful yesterday and I am having to take more medication. Three a day instead of the two I have been getting away with. I just seem to be in limbo I don't know what to do most of the time. I just do things by rote, make the bed, put dishes in the dishwasher. We finally have hubby in bed and asleep. Maybe I can take a shower.

Hubby of the Night

We never know how Hubby will be in the middle of the night. One night he turned on all the lights in one end of the house at 1:30 AM. He was holding on to the door frame between the his bedroom and the bathroom. He told me he could see from there how to get in the bathroom and the bedroom. He was so lost, we couldn't get him to lay down in bed. He just wanted to sit on the side of the bed.

Another night he was awake about 1:30 AM and all he wanted to do was give me a hug and tell me how much he loved me. He was so clear it was a shame to try and get him to go back to bed.
I seem to be the only one that can get him to bed, I just give him a hug and kiss on the cheek or forehead and tell him good night.

I then lay awake and listen to the clock chime. The clock is a mantle windup clock with Westminister chimes on the quarter hour and the hour it gongs once for every hour. Hubby and I found the clock in a antique shop 10 or 15 years ago. Hubby bought it for me for Valentine's Day. The clock stopped working about 8 years ago, it cost me as much as the clock cost to have it fixed.

P wanted the clock and I gave it to her but her husband couldn't get use to it chiming at night. I ask for it as long as we are in East Texas. It's a very comforting sound to hear it chime at night while I am trying to get hubby to sleep. Hubby seems to have his days and nights mixed up or else he just have to stay awake after he has been asleep so long.

They are trying to make P go back to Alb. to school next week, we are going to try the Union tomorrow. As much work for the Union and APS as I did they have to give him some kind of leave when we need it.

As Time Goes By

The song title is "AS TIME GOES By". You can see posting at 11:00 is not a goo idea either.

Time Goes By

Pat and I are sitting here waiting as "Times Goes By". TV is impossible Pat had me expand the chanels on Dish so we can get all of them. It does give us a lot more to choose from. It's too hot to do anything outside the humidity is horrible. We are eating non stop and watching tv and dvd's. I feel like time and the world is passing us by. I have been spending some time on the phone with friends.

We are having a bad time managing the pain hubby is having. He is always rubbing his tummy saying that it hurts. His tummy is expanding rapidly, we are down to pj bottoms for trousers during the day. He says the pain meds are taking care of the pain at the top of his tummy but not the bottom. His tummy is so large I am really afraid of it popping. Pat thinks the mass is pressing on the scars from previous surgery. We are also afraid it is pressing on the bladder. Visiting nurse says she will keep us supplied with what ever pain meds we need to keep him comfortable. I hate to see him in pain until we can get the meds down him.

Pat and hubby are asleep. I have slept most of day so I am wide awake, I need to try to go to sleep.

Sorry about the last post, it goes to prove that posts at 3:00 AM are not the best. The year was 1953 when Pat was born not 1963.

About Pat I couldn't have done this without him. He has been here day in and day out, leaving his home, family and life behind to be here. He has gone home twice for book signings and to get text books for this coming year. He is going to send lesson plans for the first couple of weeks just in case I need him that long.

We have tried to get a time line and no one is able to give us one. Hubby is one tough marine and is holding on by everything in him. Everyone is amazing at how long it is taking. He is suppose to be sleeping more and more. Only he is awake more and more. It tears me up to see him in so much pain. Oh well I need to try and go to sleep.

A Humid 54 years ago

Yes, it was a very humid July in North Carolina of 1963. The Marine Corp as usual had left one of it female dependant in a pickle. I was that dependant a very pregnant wife with a 18 month old very active son.

Air conditioning was some thing you read about in the paper. TV was just making its way down the East Coast. I remember watching some black and white snow that had some moving figures in the back ground. That was TV and I was unimpressed.

We had purchased a green hassock fan, my feet stayed propped up on it day and night for a little relief.

I awoke in the middle of the night in pain, my very large tummy had shifted from protruding out in the middle to the side. I felt very, very alone even thro I had a toddler in the house. My husband had been send TDY to Washington DC area.

I waited until the men had had to report to work, I called my husbands office. Bob one of the men that worked for him and his wife Betty had been to our house many times playing Yatze. Betty was expecting also but not until after Thanksgiving. Bob came after my toddler, took him to Betty to be taken care of and took me to the base hospital. I had spent too much time on my feet and pulled a muscle allowing my whole stomach to shift to the side. The hospital put me to bed for bed rest. The reason why I was on my feet so much, I had volunteered to help with Vacation Bible School. Not for the love of Bible School but simply because it gave me a two to three hours with my toddler in someone elses care and me with a joyous time with adults. When you are at home alone with a toddler for weeks at a time you jump at the chance to do anything for relief. The Doctor that treated me recognized me from Vacation Bible School Commencement. This Doctor treated me like the best Christian he had ever know because I had done such a foolish thing. I stopped and looked at my reasons for being on my feet and why he thought I had done such a stupid thing. I very selfishly didn't tell him the real reasons.

Fifty four years later a very humid July in East Texas. I find myself very much alone in the middle of a night. This time I have a husband in another bedroom dying of a very large tumor. This tumor is growing day and night the only thing we can do for him is give him pain medication. This time I am really not alone the son I had put in jeopardy 54 years ago by standing on my feet. He is trying to sleep in another bedroom, he finds it hard to sleep at night and is watching TV. This son has left his family and spending time with me and his father while we are waiting on the dying process. Hubby is becoming more confused by the day. I am not sure he is aware of what is happening or why number two son is still here. People are telling us how much together we have every thing and we are so strong to be able to do this. What choice do we have but to do this, we try to think of every thing that has to be done and just do one day at a time. No we are not moaning an crying, I do have my moments of tearing up but we are trusting the Lord to take care of every thing day by day. No we are not waiting for the Lord to make the arrangements we are making them. The Lord just has to be able to get us through each day that comes and trust he know when hubby has had enough and can't take any more. All the grandkids but Steven have been here to say goodbye, we can't find Steven but just hope he sufaces in time. It was good to have all the kid, grandkids and great grands here. Tiring for hubby and me but they all have said goodbye. P and family should have returned late yesterday I am so glad they got to take this vacation as planned. They will be a big help now in sitting with hubby when we need to go out.

Thank heavens for air conditioning the humid is terrible, I am running the air conditioning night and day so I may owe my soul to light company.

Being Baby Sat

I know being a caregiver is like being a babysitter, but having someone with me is like bein baby sat too. Don't get me wrong I appreciate someone else bein in the house with me while hubby is so sick.

Yesterday I did a dumb trick, I had a litttle grease in a little frying pan. I put it on the stove to turn back to liqud. Hubby needed something so I took care of him and by that time the frying pan was smoking. Number one son saw the smoke and picked up the pan just as it broke into flame. It took me a few minutes to remember and find the flour to put it out. We both knew not to put water on the flames. Now number one son thinks its not safe to leave me alone. Number two will be here this afternoon he has moved his flight up a day.

Hubby is taking more and more pain medication. I had to put three patches on him today. The patches are only 25 mg so they aren't very strong. I have to keep giving him pain pills off and on all day.

We took hubby out to lunch yesterday. We took him to Dairy Palace to get his favorite Taco Salad. He ate the meat and cheese off the top and very little lettuce. We made another stop to check on my cell phone as usual no information available from them. Number one son is putting me on his friends and family plan that will save me about $50.00 a month. That will help when every thing shakes out. We also picked up the mail all this is a pouring down rain. We got home being very wet but it all worked out.

Funeral Arrangments in Advance

We are going today to the funeral home to get some questions answered. It seems really strange to be going to the funeral home in advance. It seems to be the only place I can get my questions answered.

I can't find any way of contacting the National Cemetery. I have been told that it is the responsibility of the funeral home to contact them.

P is going with me. I am really glad I am not going to be alone.

Changes becareful of changes they will change the rest of your life.

The lyrics to this old song keep going through my head.

Friday night after a trip to the er and a cat scan. We discovered that hubby has a pancreatic tumor. The tumor is as big as a watermelon. It has effected his liver and his lung. It is too big for an operation and chemo will just make him sick. The result regardless is terminal.

We brought hubby home yesterday and hospice came to enroll us today. Albuquerque son arrived today to stay and help me.

The old Roger Witaker son Changes keeps going through and through my head.

Nasty Blog

I am very unhappy with both of my sons. Last Sunday was Father's Day and neither of them did anything for him. I know he can't hear over the telephone but he can read. He may have ALZ but he is still aware of everything that goes on around him and he can hear. We went to church and he heard a Father's Day Sermon. He knew it was Father's Day, I even gave him a new electric razor for the day and he is using it.

Daughters family was sick so it was very quiet around hear.

Your fathers mind is a lot better than his body these days, I have been concerned for some time and now daughter is concerned too. We are going to try and get him in to see his primary care this week. Daughter wants to talk to the doc.

No Big D,eal

I have had several people tell me lately that I can doing such a great thing by taking care of my hubby while he has Alz. FiftySix years, seven months, and two weeks I have fixed breakfast for both of us, washed both of our clothes, cleaned the house we both live in, washed dishes or loaded dish washer. The only difference is that I now have to fix a pill box once a month for both of us. I have to keep tract of his medications, and doctor appointments. I have to do all the driving. I have to do all the thinking and make all the decisions, whether they are right or wrong.

Why would I make any big changes like putting him in nursing home. The extra things I do, are not that big a deal. I can't see changing my way of life because of the few extra things I do. The biggest deal is not having anyone to share this with. I don't have anyone to talk to but sometimes I should listen to him more. He told me on the way home from Las Vegas that he didn't want to go any where any more. He just want to stay in the little home we have created here in East Texas and rest. This time I think I will listen to hime and we will stay at home. All of the kids will have to come and see us.

Hme Again

We are home again, thank heavens, air travel is very stressful.

We didn't get to leave without a product of the last two stressful weeks of May. A couple of days before Sunday June 2nd I had a little rash across my cheeks. I just put some cream on it and forgot it. Sunday June 2nd I couldn't forget it my right eye was swollen shut. Faithful P got up early and took me to the emergency room at Kaufman. It was no brainer for the doc I had hive possibly from some of my medication. Cure massive dosses of preison. I was finally down to just 1 mg in the morning and 1 at night. Now we are starting over with huge mg's. I just looked like I had spent too much time out in the sun and we went on to Las Vegas. The air travel with Southwest is really the big bus line of Texas. Our flight stopped at El Paseo before our lay over in Phoenix. Our next stop was Las Vegas and our wheel chair was given to someone else and we had to walk to the baggage. Sister-in-law had our luggage and was frantily looking for us by the time we got to the baggage.

Our stay in Las Vegas was comfortable in a nice condo, the only problem was that they never came in to clean up, but we kept it up pretty well. We ate out all the time. We found Maloffs cancino the Palms it was huge. I tried to reach Phil but got tranferred time and time again so I finally gave up. Sister-in-law took us to Gardno's for a Birthday dinner. The time in Las Vegas was suppouse to be a rest. Well it was an enforced rest, we really needed it but was a pushed rest.

I picked up a easy sudoku book at one of our stops in an airport. I have worked steady and hard at learning to do this game. I think I have finally managed to do some of the puzzles, I'm on 65 and still going strong. I am really feeling proud of myself that I have managed to learn how to do the easy puzzles.

Our flight home was suppose to be a stright threw flight but quess what we had to stop at Amarillo before we could fly to Dallas. Our wheel chair met us and we were transfered to a moving cart. The cart could only go part way so we were dumped half way and had to walk the rest of the way to baggage. After we picked up the luggage was walked half of the way home to get the car. We have been trying to rest up since we got home, it's really good to be home. It seems very strange to not have Melissa with us.

Busy Two Weeks

Boy has this been a busy two weeks, I can't believe we have accomplished as much as we have in the last two weeks. P and I sat down and planned three parties two weeks ago. We had to cram a graduation into that time frame. P had two days of doctors appointments and tests, plus working.

Melissa had make up work and lots of home work. They really poured it on the last two weeks. Melissa had all the fun things that finish up senior year. She had prom, senior trip, and the receipe book and a english paper on Elizabeth, some questions she had to answer. Poor gal she really had her nose to the grind stone, while trying to do the senior play dates. Melissa's mom and dad were coming so we ask B and K from Oklahoma to come also. My 75 birthday is coming up shortly. We tried to plan a graduation party for Melissa but she wanted to take it over. She did a beautiful job of making invitation with rubber stamps, unfortunately her written on the invitations was hard to read, we even included a map as to how to find the house. She passed out 20 invitations some at church and some at school.

P made invitations for my 75th birthday tea party. I only gave out 4 invitation besides the family. The managers at the village, a dog walker that I had become friendly with, and our wonderful massage theaptists.

We planned a unbirthday party for M. She is the last one of my family that has the December 3oth birthday. That is a bad time to ask school kids to come to a birthday party. We planned a dressup unbirthday party.

Melissa's mom and dad arrived just in time to see her get dressed and drive off in the Tarus to her graduation program. The program was well documented with lots of photos. Family came home and collaped after the program.

Melissa and I had spent all day Thursday making tea sandwiches for my birthday party. P made the cake and tea. Saturday we went to P for my tea birthday party. It was good time. on P's back patio. The weather coorperated and was so pleasant it was hard to end it. All my kids were there and almost everyone I ask. One of our massage gals had to go the hospital with a family member.

After we left the tea party we rushed home and set up for Melissa's graduation party. We had to move it inside as the weather looked like rain. Re-arranged the living room and setup for about 20 kids. Only one adult one of the massage gals came because Melissa had worked for them some last summer. We had a great time talking and Pat, Melissa's dad and my author son entertained us with a history lesson.

We had M unbirthday party today, cupcakes, punch and lots and lots of candy as door prizes and game prizes. M passed out about 20 invitations and 6 very dressed up little girls arrived in long dress, hats, jewlery, boas, and high heels. They were not too sure how a unbirthday worked but they had numbers on pinwheels the picked out. They went one by one and opened a gift they could pick a new gift or the one that had been opened. Only one little girl was brave enough to take what had been already opened. I think they were all too curious what was in the unopened gifts. The little girls left with several bags of candy as well as a gift. I think the dressup unbirthday party was a hug success.

I told P that the two of us should go into a business planning parties. She said fine as long as some one else did the work. I'm not sure how that would work, I'll have to think on it.

Monday Hubby and I will be flying off to Las Vegas to spend the week with his sister and family. We are planning another birthday party and hubby's sister and have birthdays close together. I am hoping hubby can make the trip OK. I have ordered a wheel chair for him I hope we can make our plan change in Phoenix alright.

Next time I blog I will tell you all about it.

43 years ago

Forty three years ago I spent the day in the hospital. It was also the only day that my third son and fourth child lived and died.

This was a warm and spring day in Albuquerque of course it got hot later on in the day. My mom and dad were there to take care of the other three kiddo's. My mom was the only family member to see Timothy. I was told he had dark hair and was a purfect baby. A inexperienced doctor let me lay in labor while the baby was in distrest. The baby had been without oxgen so long that he was brain dead. When the OB GYN got there they just delivered the baby and didn't try to get it to breath. My mom said she heard him cry, they told everyone that his lungs weren't developed enough to breath. He was only two weeks early so that wasn't true. The OB GYN told me that if I had been going to a OB GYN I would have had a live baby but he wouldn't testify in court to that fact. Unfortunately that inexperienced doctor is still practicing.

Just thought somebody ought to remember Timmy today.

Home

I haven't read today's SS lesson it is entitled The Eternal Home. The writer of these lesson has been very good. I just wish the various teachers in our SS class would teach out of the quarterly instead of trying to push pre-milliumism. They keep talking rapture where there isn't any and today she even got off on intelligent design. Annie called tonight to tell me how sick her hubby is, he has been in the hospitel. He has had several heart attacks, a pace maker installed and a stroke. He doesn't sound good at all. I hurt so for Annie, I wish I could be there to help. I don't know what I could do accept hold her hand but I could at least do that.

I started thinking this morning in SS about home. When Hubby and I were getting ready to retire. B and G were remolding that house in Farmington, they wanted hubby and I to sell our house and move in with them. The house would be big enough for all of us and I would have been fun. It was a tempting idea but we valued our independence too much to go that route. We did spend a lot of time up there and running around with them. I wouldn't trade one minute of it. We had such a great time. As things stand now it would have been disastrous for us. G couldn't and hasn't been able to handle hubby's ALZ. We tried to go on cruise with them after hubby started having problems and G would handle it. I don't blame G some people just can't stand to see someone they spent so much time with go away like he has.

Next Jean and I always talked about living together particularly after John died and I really think we would have done it. But, she was diagnosed with ALZ and P had cancer and we moved to Texas. Jean died a little over a year ago and I can't tell you how much I miss her. Jean didn't have any big major heath problem. We talked so much about not wanting to live with a quality of life. I think she just gave up and didn' t want to live anymore.

Annie and I always teased that we should rent an apartment and get away from everyone and live together. Now her hubby is in a life threating way and mine is going down more every day. We never know where life will take us and we may never know where home is or who is living in that home.

Nice Mother's Day, we went to SS and Church and back to P for lunch. P gave me a great Mother's Day card she had made complete with family pictures. The card was very professional. Pat wished me a Happy Mothers Day after Melissa called her mom to wish her one. They will be here in about 2 weeks. Melissa and I spent the afternoon making her invitations to her graduation party. Annie had received her invitation to my 75 birthday and called to tell me about it. I still have the local invitations to give out.

Rant

The rest of the family can blog ranting so now is my turn.

John Stossel on 20/20 lied on TV when he trashed the public schools in America and I hadn't watched 20/20 sence then.

Why the TV was on 20/20 tonight I don't know but he was trashing
Ethoanol (?). I'm not sure whether it is the answer to our dependence oil but at least they are trying to do something. Stossel had someone from Cato Institute he was interviewing. The guy from Cato was saying that all the money we are paying to buy oil would be used to buy corn so that we could make Ethoanol. The idea was the poor people that are making a fortune from high oil prices would lose money. The public would be paying to buy corn to make Ethoanol wouldn't that be terrible that the greedy guys in the oil pipe line would loose money. I know better than to watch 20/20 again. How do we allow this guy on primetime TV to spout all the propaganda .
Do people really believe all of junk.

Hey we are doing well Melissa seems to have passed all of her classes. She has turned in 3 big projects she has very well and one and barely passing on another. I haven't heard about the big one she spend so much time one. We are going to Home Depot to put in an application tomorrow and then to First Monday. She did really well getting all of her weekend work tonight so she has all weekend to do what she wants. Youth group going to SpiderMan movie Sunday afternoon and she is going.

We are counting down the days until graduation. They practiced today and she finally realized it was going to happen and she got very excited.

Maybe we can all get excited for her.