Unity

Does everything happens for a reason. My little Methodist Church has a month or longer program entitled "What I would do if I had one month to live?" Sorry this is too close to last year I can't live through that again. I told the pastor I would be back after this program is over. By chance I stabled into a Unity church meeting in the local elementary school cafeteria. I found the widow of my hubbys first Principal she is a member of the church. I had been thinking of looking her up.

I have been there for the last three weeks. I was by myself the first time by myself with family members the second week and Shari came today. I have been trying to get Shari anywhere near a church for months. So today was a break through and she really let me talk to her about about Jesus and being saved. She really listened for a change.

Earliest Political Quesion

I don't remember how old I was when I first became aware that the State of Colorado was about to execute a man. I was very concerned that what if he wasn't guilty? How could you give him back his life if you found out he wasn't guilty? I kept asking why the state would do such a thing. No one could give me an answer then and no one can give me an answer now.

I'm glad it is the Governors decision and not mine. I'm also glad that it isn't the deciders decision.
Keep loging on and I will post the Governors decision.

Pictures of my new dog Missy

I have had my new puppy a little over a month now but you can see she has made herself at home. She is so sweet and lovey. She stays at my heels all day, while I am gone she sleeps on the pillow on my bed.

Mark was over and helped me a lot, maybe I can post pictures once in awhile.

When I have a free day to just scan pictures into my computer and put them on CD's. I may be sending a box of family pictures to the boys. After I get them on a CD I need to reduce the amount of storage space. My little office is getting organized little by little.

Enjoy pictures of Missy I am really enjoying her.

Rocking in the Wind

I was offered a balloon ride by the couple that head up the Bible Study. Getting up at 5:00 am didn't stop me from going on this adventure. When I was little I use to dream of swinging in the wind. I was in a porch swing way up in the air swinging in the wind. This hour long balloon ride was as close to that as I will ever get. I went up once before but it was only 15 minutes. It is so peaceful and calm up in the air drifting over the west side.

Hubby was the night security a little college on the river bluff while he finished his degree. During his time there it was the only thing on the bluff above the river. The kids had to walk miles to the bus line on Central. I could see all the roof of that little college among all the houses they have built around it. Hubby took classes there as well as number one son. I think number one sons BA degree is from that college. I quess our lives were very involved with it at one time.

I located my old house it was the only green roof on the west side of the golf course. It was a little more difficult to find my present house but I did I didn't like the looks of my roof. I need to get someone up there to look at it.

We couldn't find a place to land so we kepted sailing along until we were over my sons house. We called to him and he looked up. I called grinnygranny on the phone and they came out and helped take the balloon down.

We went to breakfast after the trip and had a good time just getting to know one another. I spent part of the afternoon with son and family. All and all one of the best Sundays I have had sence I returned . I have been back almost a year. It has been such a busy and eventful year. Maybe the next year will be more peacful and calm.

LIES LIES LIES AS NEWS ON TV

If you eat properly you will not get cancer. My mother never ate any other way and as the cook my father didn't either. Penni was never a junky food eater. They all had cancer. I have never eaten the healthy way and so far I haven't had cancer. The lies they are putting out makes me mad.

I am officially out of a church for the next 6 weeks my pastor has a 6 weeks series and entire program on "What if you had 30 days to live". I can't stand the tittle much less the thought of 6 weeks of that theme. My friend Annie is coming by for me Sunday. I am anxious to go to a black Baptist church again. I'm going to continue my Bible Study on Thursdays.

My group grief counseling if over and I'm glad if I can find the money I need to see Kintree again.

I am slowly getting my house in order and decorated. Rich even has me working on the office he is helping me get every thing compacted.

My Bible Study group is fasting on Thursday nights, no more snacks. I'll see how I get through this for the next 6 weeks? I don't know when is Easter?

Now I am ranting like my son.

Work ahead for me

It suddenly dawned on me that I have 3 great grands due this year. I usually make a oversize receiving blanket. The only catch is the time it takes to crochet all the way around them. I looked for the same kind of flannel that I use to make them out of before. I finally found three different one that I think are appropriate. I was looking for the pretty ones but most everything is geared to little kid prints . The ones suitable for PJ's. The only pretty one is a blue one for a boy.

I purchased them now is just to find the time to do the crocheting. That means lots of TV time. I was getting away from so much TV.

I visited the Retired Teachers same old problems they are going to the roundhouse the first of the month. I want to try to go with them.

I missed church this morning the title of the sermon was "What would you do if you had one month to live". Sorry that is too close to the last year to even try to think about it. The SS class was going to discuss homosexually. They didn't want to hear my take on that one. I'm not sure any church or SS class is going to fit anymore. My Bible study class comes closer to my take on things.

Grief Counseling

I have been going to grief counseling a group workshop. Three weeks into this workshop I am still wondering why I am in this one it isn't anything like I thought it would be. To be honest I haven' got much out of it so far. But, I did have a eye opening moment this last week. I have felt so alone in this grief. Yes, I knew that David was grieving alot but another way. But, it suddenly dawned on me, I am not in this alone Bruce and Pat have lost as much as I have. They lost their father and their sister.

I guess I need to apologize to both of them I haven't been as understanding as I should have been

Missy or Baby

I finally adopted a dog from the animal control shelter. They were calling her curly, CURLY, that's a name for a ginny pig not a dog. She answers to the name Baby and some times to Missy. I'm trying for Missy. She is housebroke but I have trouble getting her to stay out long enough to do anything. She is a house body, she wants to lay on a pillow on the recliner or on the bed and sleep.

Melissa and I picked her up from the shelter, Melissa drove us home and Missy fought me all the way. We dropped her off at the doggy day spa. I took a little blanket with me when I went to pick her up. She saw it and laid down on it and didn't move all the way home. She likes soft blankets or a pillow.

I thought she was a poodle. her hair, ears and part of her nose would led you to believe that. Her legs are very, very short and her back and rear end are almost square. I'm not sure what that makes her except cute as a button. She likes to play and wanted Daniel to play with her when he was here.

I'm going to have some lattice put up in the garage with a gate. I'm afraid that Missy will runout while the car is going in and out. I was unhappy with the mess in garage being in plain view of the patio entrance. The lattice will take care of that problem .\

I'll have something else to write about except my health.

Dogs, dogs, and more dogs

I have been visiting the city animal shelters. I found a small poodle at the east side shelter Friday. They won't let me touch the dog until the 28th of the month. The dog is a stray and previous owners have until then to reclaim the dog. We got her to the edge of the cage and she licked our fingers and wagged her tail. A couple of cages down is a 9 year old beagle who keeps calling to me and wants to come home with me in the worse way. Her name is Penny. I saw both of these dogs on Friday briefly and put a $10.00 hold on the poodle.

P and L went with me on Saturday morning. We visited the west side shelter first and found a poodle that was so dirty and overgrown matted hair. We took her into a small shelter just the three of us. She shivered and shook the hold time. We got her to let us pet her she finally stopped shaking and opened her eyes. The hair was so thick and matted that I had a hard time getting it parted so she could see. They wanted us to take her home. I couldn't take her home without a trip to a doggy beauty shop no way on a Saturday.

We went up to the east side shelter and played with the poodle I have a hold on. She seems to be the best bet for the time being. The beagle talked to me again and told me how much she wanted to come home with me. P found a german shepherd that looked almost like Harvey. P could have taken him home in a heartbeat but 2 dogs, a cat, and 6 people make for a house full.

I keep worrying about the matted poodle, do I really need two dogs?

Another Rant

Last week it was the MVD today it is a place call lap dog rescue. They say they have so many dogs to place and yet I have been unable to get one. They were ready to give me a Bion (sp) but I had to go to Texas so they gave that one away. Now they said I could have a Corgi, but they left a message on my recorder and said they decided the dog was too hyper for me.

Sadie was a rat terrier and they don't come any more hyper. Shari says I need to call they and tell them to forget I even applied.

I'm letting my temper cool abit before I call and tell them I am going to look elsewhere for a dog. I can't believe they are that picky about some one that wants to give a dog a home.

More Govement Red Tape

I have spent the last two days trying to get my car registered and a New Mexico drivers license. The office I chose to obtain these was reasonably close to the house. I had to make a second trip because I didn't have proof of address, it seems all you need is a bankstament or a light bill to prove you live at an address. Then they wouldn't issue a new license because I didn't have my SS card. I spent all last night an half of yesterday tearing up my records but I didn't have it. Two moves in less than a year I'm not surprised, the SS office was a long ways across town. Also, I have burned and sheded all kinds of records. I had to get rid of two, two draw filing cabinets, I use to have 4. I keep every piece of paper in the world but evidently not my SS card. I couldn't apply on line for one because my mothers maiden name was not spelled correctly. All my birth certificates have it spelled differently. After a lot of negotiations at the SS office I got them to spell it like my grandmother spelled it and my mother spelled it. The crazy thing about this is that today would have been my mothers birthday.

I bought a large clear vase at a garage sale. I cleaned it up and put it on the floor in the living room. I am making a fish tank out of it. It is the same shape as the little jars you see with fish and a plant. The plant lives in the water and helps feed the fish. Only mine is large enough to sit on the floor by my TV. Pat gave me part of the plant he has in his little fish vase and I had rooted another piece, so I have two pieces for the top. I bought a gravel (blue) for the bottom and added a shell I brought back from the last cruise. I bought a plant for the bottom and a maroon beta fish. Fishy is still in his little container, I filled the big vase with water and it is way to cold for him I am hoping it will warm up by morning.

You can see how exciting my life is I have to blog about a fish tank.

Shari and I did pickup a man at the buffet tonight, had a very lovely dinner with a male companion. That's a blog for another time.

NEW YEAR 2009

This has to be a better year. I started out with the conviction of getting my financial records in order. I have worked two days on Quicken to get it upto date. I don't want to ever get that far behind again.

I started out today with a new Primary care Doc and have spent the rest of the day scheduling appointments with a whole slew of Doc's. This week is really filled up with appointments.

I got a strange letter in the mail today I'm glad I'm not prone to secret societies. They are promeising me love, love, love.

Home again home again hopity hop

I wish it was that easy to fly anywhere these days. Southwest is limited by something called the Wright amendment. That keeps them from flying directly to some cities. I don't know if that was the reason but you can't fly from Oklahoma City to Albuquerque without going through Dallas. Dallas? If you look at a map you see that Oklahoma City, Dallas, and Albuquerque make a triangle. The shortest distance from one point to another is a straight line not a triangle. Any way to make a long story short. I am home again after a 2 1/2 hour delay in Dallas due to our plane being late from back east.

Christmas was good in Oklahoma and spening time with my grandkids there. Military life does not allow for holidays with families across the country. I am now going to try and be great grandma to a 6 year old for the next few days.

No longer a caregiver I will have to try to restructure my life in another direction. I started calling while out of town to make Doctors appointments. My next problem is a church service so early that it mess's up my entire day. I am going to try the other church services before I give up on the church. They have been so good to me all this year.

Christmas's Past

My granddaughter and her military hubby are with us for the holiday, this led to the memory of a past Christmas.

I was very much PG, as my granddaughter is, I had been with hubby in Quantico, Virginia. The plan was that I would fly from VA to Colorado, before Christmas as hubby was finishing school and I was close to my due date. We had saved, at great hardship, on a corporal's pay, my airfare and hubby's busfare. Hubby's cousin and her hubby we stationed with us. We loaned part of our careful stash to them for an emergency. Time came for me to leave and the loan could not be repaid. My airfare was covered but not hubbys busfare. I flew home and hubby was to hitchhike across country.

Marines during Korean War could get a ride anywhere. Hubby made it as far as Ohio and was left at the side of the road in a snow storm. Hubby walked a ways and found a stranded motorist. A young mother with a little girl, she had a flat tire, She was struggling to change it herself. Hubby changed her tire. She took him home to her brothers, a couple of hundred miles down the road. The lady was a recent widow. Her hubby had been killed in Korea. Her brother was so greatful, he purchased hubby a bus ticket on to Colorado.

Marines today would be taking there life in there hands to hitchhike anywhere. I am so grateful to that family for there help in our time of need. Hubby made buck sargent right after our first was born. Military life has its ups and downs and is very different than ours half a century ago.

Merry Christmas

Traveling

I am traveling again, Bruce and I are back in Oklahoma, he had things he needed to take care of and I came along. I haven't been to Oklahoma in a long time and there are grandkids here with great grans on the way.

Bruce took me shopping today, I had nothing to wear to the funeral. Sears and I have become good friends since I opened that account. I just wanted the 15% off the pair of shoes I bought. Michelle and I did all of our shopping at Sears in Tyler. Today I was lucky enough to find things that fit and didn't make me look too frumpy. Skirts are out of the question they all looked frumpy. Pants are way too long so I will have to hem them up. I am just hoping this daughter in law has needle and threat. I don't know how I managed to get two daughter in laws that have nothing to do with sewing.

We will be on our way back to Texas Sunday to spend Sunday night and Monday with David, Michelle and Gloria. The funeral is Monday afternoon and a dinner afterwards in the fellowship hall. Pat, Linda and Melissa will meet us in Texas Sunday afternoon. I am not sure where I will be spending Christmas. It doesn't seem like Christmas.

No longer a Caregiver

255 posts, I started this when I had a new mission in life caring for my hubby and sick daughter. My hubby died last year and now Penni today. I quess I ceased being a caregiver when my daughter sent me back to Albuquerque in April but I still felt that way. I can't imagin my life without her. Michelle ask her Daddy today how do we make a new life without Mommie, now I am asking the same thing. Bruce is coming down later today. I am waiting until it is at least 6:oo am before I start calling New Mexico.

Penni was asleep or so drugged we couldn't wake her all day yesterday and last night. We held her hand and talked to her. One of her favorite deacons came and prayed with us last night. I was up and held her hand about 3:30 AM she died about 4:30 AM. She knew we were all here and loved her, even the kitties have been upset.

What a Diffiferent a few hours make

Penni was almost pain free yesterday afternoon. We spent some time cleaning up her craft room. Things were out of place from her last scrapbook day. We spent several hours putting them away.

When we went to bed last night her pain started and has continued all day today. We have had to give her so many drugs that she has been sleeping all day. The nurse says she won't last until Christmas. Penni has proved them wrong before. Please just pray that she is not in pain.

Celebrate for a Daughter

A Dallas Morning News reporter has been following Penni for the last year and the results of her tapeing can now be seen at: www.dallasnews.com/video/?z=y&nvid=311685 .


I met one of grandaughters friend's mother in the supermarket today and found out who my fruitvale reader is, I wish more people who read would identify themselves. I feel like I am posting to the wind sometimes and sometimes you wish I was posting to the wind.

Do watch Penni's video I am so proud of all my kids but I think you will have to admit this one is special.

Off to Texas

If you have been reading Penni's posts you know she has been struggling with a eye. After all she has been through with it she has lost the sight in her eye. This has been very hard for her. I am flying down for awhile. I don't know how long but as long as she needs me.

I have put everything on hold here and I am going. I have had to pack my suit case 3 times. I too my robe off and packed it. Without realizing my cell phone was in the pocket. I had Pat put my suitcase in the car and then I couldn't find my cell phone. I was outside in the garage slippers an all, calling my cellphone , sure enough my suitcase was ringing. I had to drag it back into the house and dig my robe out. I hope that was the last time I have to pack it today. I don't know how I got this on itailits. More from Texas.

Another Post

I spend weeks without any thing to blog about and then everything comes at once.

I love the section in my newspaper called Today in History. I can connect so much of my and hubby's life with what they print. Today's provoked so many emotional memories. The little statement that in 1969, the US govermenet held its first draft lottery since World War II.

My oldest son was a senior in High School about to graduate and go on to college. He has several track schollarships but not the one he wanted. So my hard headed son deceided to go to school by the Police Aides Program, but I am getting ahead of the story. He had surrendered to preach and I believe he had been licensed. His draft number was a very low number and I was panicked that he would be called. I had married a Marine at the beginning of the Korean War. I was too young to really think that through that I could be a widow at a very young age. The thought of my oldest son (that I depended on for so very much) could be cannon founder, was more than I could bear. I pleaded with him to get a deferment for his clergy connection but he would have none of it.

To made a long story short he was never called and my worry was for nothing like most worrys are. He did graduate and go on to college living at home while in college. It wasn't until he was in college that I discovered what a brillant mind he had. I just thought all kids were like that. He didn't show that side of his mind until he deceided he wanted to get married. I insistented that he finish college first so he did. He finished college in 2 1/2 years and with top honors. I finally realized that he could do anything he wanted to.

Because he has lived away from his father and I all of his adult life I have not had the opportunity to help him as much as the rest. But that doesn't matter that I still think of him and read his blog daily. When I was in Texas he made the long drive helped when needed. He is continuing to see his sister when ever he can and for that I am so greatful. He is being there when I can't.

Sorry but that little statment released so many memeories today.

Thanksgiving 1950

I was a newlywed at this Thanksgiving, we had only been married about a month.

Hubby was a Marine at Barstow Marine Base in California. He had many friends among the other Marines his best friend was a Marine by the name of Homer Wittwer. (Strange I can't remember what my telephone number in Texas was, but I remember his name.) He was engaged to a local girl and we spent a lot of time with her family. Hubby and Homer had entered a turkey shoot and won a turkey. Homer's girls mother volunteered to cook the turkey. I had no idea how to cook a turkey. We had Thanksgiving dinner at their home and spent the evening on the dessert

Homer had a dunebuggy that we spent a lot of time driving all over the Mojav Dessert. The stars were so bright and close it looked like you could reach up and pick them. The weather was great a light jacket was all you needed. We played hide and seek , hidding behind some bushes that dared to grow in the sand.

Loma Linda, California

Watching Ophra yesterday, a city from my past was highlighted as the one place in the US that people live to an extended life some over 100 years of age.

When hubby first left the service and started to California Baptist College at Riverside, California. The boys were little and Pat had suffered with one ear ache after another all the time hubby had been home from Japan. The Doc suggested that he have his tonsiles out. The closest hospital was in Loma Linda. Loma Linda was the neighboring city to Riverside and Pat had his tonsils out there.

Hubby's great aunt and uncle had retired and moved to Loma Linda because it had a large Seventh Day Adventist settlement. Hubby's grandmother had become a Seventh Day Adventist later in life along with her brother George and wife Vashiti. We were invited to stay during the day that we couldn't get in the hospital with them. We partook of several meals with them. This was greatly appreciated as we were a young stuggling family with hubby in school. We were served tofu hamburgers and hotdogs. Hubby was a big meat and potatoes man and of course tofu was very new and different. He called it ersatz meat and it became a joke of the family that nothing was as bad as ersatz hamburgers.

The life style of the Seventh Day Adventist has been paying off for them as the proof of the advanced age of their members. We have been in the midst of Thanksgiving so all I could think of was a tofu turkey. Hubby would have veto that in a hurry

Settling in

I'm still trying to get pictures up and all the little things that I like to suround myself with. All my wall space is up so high that I would have to use a ladder and I am not sure I trust myself on one. I keep grandson busy on Saturdays but I always have more for him to do.

Mixed blessing that I am going to be great gramdma again. These things never happen at a time that is working for us. We will g et to have number one great grand for Christmas. If every thing works out he will be staying with me. My son's house is full and overflowing.

I am having such strang Sunday's church is at 8:00 AM then Sunday School. I am coming home to a empty house at 10:30. Shari is working and son's house is busy on their Sunday schedule. I am going up at 3:00 to have lunch with Shari it gets her out of the store for 30 minutes. I need to pickup a perscription anyway.

I called and talked to Penni she was having a good day. Last week was bad for her, but her tummy is open and flat for the time being. She is continuing to lose weight. We all feel so helpless that nothing can be done. I marvel at her cheerful attitude in spite of everything. Her goats have new playmates it is not just a sleepover. They have a young male in the mix so more babies are in the picture. Jingle bells was protecting floppy. I am so happy that they are accepting floppy finely. Floppy thought Penni was her mommie for a very long time.

I'm so disappointed to read that Georgia has some racial problems. The election of a our new president has brought out children chanting for the assassination of Obama. This is not something they thought up by themselves. I have lived though the terror of a president being assassinated before that I should never do that again. Poor losers, all of us have lived with losing out on our choice for the last 8 years. Can't they live with our choice for the next 4 hopefuly 8 years. I have such high hope Obama, God protect him and let him try to clean up this mess. I have grandkids and now grandgrands that need a good econmy.

Sunday

Just a update on moving. I finished planting my bulbs I bought a couple of months ago. It is hard work pouring potting soil into containers potting soil is heavy and trying to lift it up to pour is hard work.

Number two son helped me post some pictures on my web site. But darling daughter tells me she can't get to my site to see them. I hope she gets her computer fixed soon.

The day lillies that I planted some months ago are coming up that isn't suppose to happen until next fall. I hope the winter doesn't kill them I am so looking foreward to day lillies.

I have decieded that I need a dog. I have been looking on line to fine a dog to adopt but nothing has clicked. I quess I will have to keep looking at the ones for adoption in the paper.

Today is Melissa's Birthday. We are having dinner at her mom's so that boy friend can be there. He is a really nice guy, he has a strong back and he was a big help in moving. Poor guy he came home from school two weekends in a row to help move and put up with this screwy family. Moving is not easy at the best but this move was so unorganized and hecktic that I don't know how we did it.

I am still unpacking boxes and my be for the next six months.

Well Happy Birthday to Granddaughter Melissa.

pictures

Penni when she was five years old


Last Halloween

Still Moving

I may be moving for the rest of my life, anyway that's the way I feel today. Most of the heavy stuff is in the house. The little bedroom is still just piled full of boxes. I have been working on the kitchen and bedroom. I finally have someone here to install my TV today. I hope it doesn't cost too much my handyman hit me up for his bill. I have been sailing along for a month and not paying him so it was a big bill. He does so much for me. I called him in a hurry yesterday. They came to install my washer and dryer. The cold water fauscet wouldn't stop leaking. I had to have new fauscets for both of them and long water hoses. The space for the washer and dryer is just a small closet. When you hook up the mchine there is no room to get out from behind it. I is really tricky to get it hooked up and have the room to get out too.

I don't have any wall space no place to hang my paintings. I may have to hang some up above the bookcases, with the ceiling so high I may have to get use to seeeing my paintings at sky level instead of eye level.

I am hoping to finish up this weekend. My lease doesn't end until the 31st but I can't wait to see the end of the parking problems.

Terriffic Repose

My great massage therapist and I, went to a Bed and Breafast for a couple of days. This is a new BandB that they can't advertise yet. But if you want to see what is in the future go to www.arrowsridge.com and see for yourself. My hubby and I were lucky to have them work on our house when the plastic pipe broke. They have sence then made their own adobe's and built this beatiful B and B. Hubby and I were up there several times while they were building. Hubby loved walking over to the edge of the cliff and taking pictures of the huge valley that the B and B overlooks. These few days were the beginning of fall and the sharp drop in tempature.

They kept a fire in the great room and it was nice and toasty. The food was out of this world and so much of it. Our waiter at the table was their 10 year old son and he would put most of the waiters in Alb to shame.

I came back ready to tackle the rest of my move. Grandkids are set to finish it Saturday. My new bed is still on backorder so I am canceling that order. I have spent an hour on the phone trying to get the credit card company to cancel the payment. Tomorrow I will tackle the furniture company to cancel the order.

I still need to buy a washer and dryer. I had better get on that I hope I won't have to order that. I will need to wash clothes when I get over there.

I try to talk to P every day. It is so hard not to rush out there and be with her. But I know I would just be in the way. It hurts so hard to hear that she is planning the music and pictures for her furneal. It is so hard not to cry every time.

Moving Again

I'm trying to move again, it just seems like yesterday that I moved from Texas. I was so much more organized. I'm still trying to pack. Matt that has been helping with all the little things at the house he has moved a truck load today. I have help coming Saturday and Eddie is suppose to help. He has trouble getting away from his girl friend to help me move. I'm going to move into the kitchen and start in there tomorrow. My new bed doesn't get here until next week.

I had a ultra sound this morning it show nothing amiss. So I've had lots of tests for nothing except every thing is pretty good. I quess it was good that nothing came of it they don't do surgery in people over 75.

I've discovered Jon Stewart for my nightly chuckle before I go to bed I recommend that highly.

Friends , Friends and more Friends

What would I do without wonderful friends in both Texas and New Mexico. My transportation friends in Texas came through and took me to Love Field when I needed to go. My number one son was johnny on the spot to pick me up when I flew into Texas.

Number two son picked me up when I flew in this week. Time is going by so fast that I am looking at a move that is picking up quickly. It has taken me a couple of days to get back on my feet and start to organize this move. Two friends one each day said I needed a massaage. So I called my dear friend and massuse and she was right here last night. I was having trouble parking my car in the horrible city side of my apartment and she even parked it for me. We had made plans to go to her son and daughter-in-laws Bed in Breakfast. It is in the mountains bewteen Santa Fe and Las Vegas in New Mexico. My original plan was to be moved by then it doesn't seem possible now it is only one week away. But moved or not I want to spend a night up there while the weather is still pretty.

I am off to buy my new bed this morning while my grandson is tackling the roots of that giant juniper.

While I am on the idea number two son fixted my computer so that I can see that people are reading my blog. I wish the Santa Fe reader would leave a answer to one of my posts so I could get an idea of who it is. Oklahoma and Mississppi I can quess even if they don't leave a comment. Those out side of the US is really a mystery. I was ready to quit blogging until Pat showed me that I did have a readership. I say THANK YOU to all of you who take your time to read my thoughts. The journey of the last seven years yes even before I began blogging have been a very trying time and my blogging has been a great help.

I am really having to use friends and some family to help me move.

We had a family and friends gathering to listen to the VP debate it was such a great time I will have to tell you about that later.

Home Again

If you have been reading Penni's blog you know what a heaven sent recovery she has been making. I have been torn between staying with my daughter and coming home to move.
I left in such a rush that I had moved one load of boxes from the office. The rest of the packed up office is still sitting there. I have decided to move one room at a time beginning with the office.

Eddie tried to move the couch into my new office and they couldn't get through the door from the living room. I have to see what is going on with that. He also got all the tree limbs out of the patio from the tree he cut down. He got rid of the terrible big juniper in the front yard you can really see the house now. It was so hard to leave Penni but she is doing so much better and I really need to get this move over.

My church in Texas found out I was there and why and they covered us up with food. Penni's church brought more so even there was a lot of us we had more than enough to eat.

More on the move later.

Off Again to Texas

I got a phone call from Texas this morning so i am off again to Texas. Oldest son meeting me in Dallas.

If you want more info see Penni's blog,

Scarry, Scarry weather

I spent Friday night watching the hurracane it hurt. I was watching the wind first and then watching the news today Sunday Watching all the places that Jean, Hubby and I spent the summer roaming through and around. They are reporting from some of the little cities that we roamed through there little antingue shops. It really hurts to see them totally distroyed.

I am in the sign the papers and wait. Sellers out of town we have to wait for them to sign papers.
I am looking for someone to do yard work. I want that Hugh bush in front of the house removed. The old house on 67Th had a Hugh rose bush in the front hubby couldn't get that cut back. I notice its a little bigger now but still well and blooming away. This thing is just an overgrown juniper and I'm allergies to juniper I'm thinking about a lilac there.

I think I have solved the problem of not seeing who is at the front gate. There is a little camera that will let me see on the TV who is out there. Pat says he still has the one I gave him. If he can't find it I will have to chase one down.

Gloria and I are going shopping in Santa Fe tomorrow I am looking fore ward to that. I'll let you know how that goes.

New Computer

I finally have my new computer up and running. Pat and Linda were over Friday night and helped me get all of my Quicken moved over and in the program and running. Mark spent most of Sunday with me helping me get every thing up and running like my old one. We cleaned off the old computer so that I can give it to my friend that has been my main stay since I have been back to New Mexico. She has helped my transition to my apartment and helped with my search for a new house. My new house is just down the street from her it will save a lot in gas running back and forth.

I got a strange phone call from a friend from Union days. I called her awhile ago to let her know I was back in town. She has put me on the mailing list for Retiree Union Group. I planned to join again as I have missed that connection. I call was asking me to be sure and be at the next meeting, a couple of weeks away. I was planning on going anyway. But the catch on why they want me there. They want me to take the Vice President place on the Board. That is really getting in with both feet. I am not sure I am healthy enough or do I want that much responsibility.

I have some X-rays on Wednesday and I am suppose to sign papers on Friday. But still no time just a date. I called PB at ask about what time so that I could move my hair appointment. PB said no time has been given us so they can sign on our time not on there's.

I am putting off doing my paper work so I need to jump in.

Melissa has a new boy friend it is so nice to see her happy again. The boy Alex is so polite it is scary. But really is very nice and very very polite.

I got a very sweet card from Texas and Michelle.

Labor Day

Very quiet I guess I'll stay at home all day. I spent most of the day with Pat and family yesterday. I'm not sure about them very one sits around listening to Pat, Linda and I to talk. It is very good to just talk and visit with all of them.



I'm just waiting for the signing of the papers so that I can begin to move.



B fussed about the mattress that I was sleeping on in Texas so I sold the one had been sleeping on. I brought the one hubby was sleeping on. That one was the new pillow top that we bought when we first moved to Texas. So. . . as mattress goes that wasn't too old. Mattress and box springs are very high. I have to use a step stool to get into the bed. I was sleeping on the right side and I feel that it was slopping. I moved to the left side and that is more comfortable. I still don't like the step stool. I have been wondering about a twin bed size that would give me more room in the bedroom. Pat is pushing for a number mattress but that is very expensive.



I guess it is time to work on the pillows for the sofa. I will need to buy a new mattress for the sofa. Pat's family is enjoying sitting and laying on the sofa it seems to be extremely comfortable.



Less than 2 weeks before we sign the papers. I am still waiting for some papers for the mortgage company.

At Home at last

I flew home on Monday the 11th leaving Penni in a lot of pain. Gloria was with her and the hospic nurse was on her way. I had already purchased the ticket and all the arrangements were made. I am so glad they increased her pain med so she doesn't hurt.

Sunday night I had to do a scary thing. I bought a house sight unseen. Two good friends had been looking for a house for two weeks. On of my friends is a real estate agent the other just a good friend. I had made a bid on the house on there recomendation with a item that I had to see the house on Monday. The seller agreed to sell to me if I bought it sight unseen. Two or three other bids were on the house. I removed the item and bought the house sight unseen. I guess he thought if I was stuipd enought to do that I deserved to have the house. The good thing is that I really like the house. A two bedroom patio home in my old neighborhood. The address is on 67th street again. it is just on the other side of St. Joseph from my old house. The only problem is the size it is only 785 square feet. I bearly got everything in this 1000 square feet apartment.

The crazy thing is I bought a couch yesterday. It is a hide a bed covered with the fabric of the drapes I have been carrying around for 10 years. The hide a bed needs new covers on the seat pillows. I have plenty of fabric to cover them again. It really needs to be shampooed. In the mean while poor son had to rearrange his living room to store the new couch.

Comfort Zone

M was wanting to be in a comfort zone last night, she wanted to sleep with me. When I lived here she slept with me a lot, at that time we were sleeping on a queen size bed. Last night we both slept on a single bed, it was crowed but she wanted to do that. This morning she ask me to pick out a outfit for her to wear to Bible school. She had about 6 different outfits laid out on her bed, any of them were good matches. It is very srange that people on What Not to Weat can't pick out one matching outfit and a 8 year old could already pick out very good outfits.

Mom and Dad come home today and Dad goes to work this weekend. I have a few little things I want to do before I go home. I need to visit the good will and the dollar store one of them has to have a picture frame the right size.

The house I wanted to see in Albuquerque sold yesterday so I may have to look in a diffferent direction. Everybody is afraid I'm going to choose a house right away and be sorry I didn't look a little longer. Yes, I am anxious to get settled but they fail to remember how well I like to look at houses. Hubby use to think I wore the tires out on the car looking at houses. I remember bubba being unhappy with me because I wanted to look at houses after I picked him up from school. Maybe bubba can help me find a house again.

Ticket Home

I have purchased my ticket to go home on Monday 11th. I need to let P and her family have some time alone. Vacation Bible School is next week and I'm staying to take M every day. I have made plans with Deanne to have lunch on tuesday. Wednesday I go back to the foot doc. He wants to take my whole nail off and I'm afraid to have it new and painful while I'm trying to go through security and get all the way through airports. Gloria says it will be painful to sit in the plane for two hours. I'm not sure I'll let him to that.

We are going to get M hair trimed not cut we have to stress that today and then we are off to First Monday. I'll not sure how long that will last as P seems pretty tired today.

Looking at listings for houses on line has been a great way of spending time but I'm going to have to see them in person. I know that losing the other patio home was the best thing but I'm not sure how the financial thing is going to work out for buying one that is ready to live in.

Mini Family Reunion

So good to have P and L here. They were only here for two days, but they were quality days. The days were spent just sitting around and talking. Both evenings we spent at the motel with our fish in the pool. Aunt L was in with her both days and Uncle P the last night. M is just learning to swim and she doesn't have a lot of confidence without her little orange entertube. Uncle P took some movies of her swimming. Terrific to have part of my family together. Uncle B and Aunt K will be here tomorrow. P doesn't get to spend a lot of time with P and L so these last couple of days have been extra special. Too bad the grandkids weren't here but P saw them when she was in New Mexico.

I called the beauty shop that I was using before I left. They remembered and and I didn't have any trouble getting in. I was introduced to some ladies from First Methodist that I hadn't met before, I haven't got in touch with anyone from the church. I need to do that this coming week. Daryl that does my hair is interested in coming to New Mexico he wants to go to Red River he knows someone that has vacation cabins there he enjoys talking about New Mexico. He usually goes to Nevada.

We are looking foreward to B and K being here Sunday and Monday. Too bad I couldn't get both of the boys together.

Texas Again

Here I am again, it is just like I never left.

Plane trip was fine, M slept most of the way. P and D picked us up and we have a trip to Denny's on the way home. P was tired when we got home but seemed fine. We went to "Mama Mia" on Saturday. What fun it was a girls trip to the big city of Athens an afternoon movie and a late lunch. Sunday I was a little under the weather so I laid low. Today Terri took me to Terrell to the foot doctor. He cut my ingrown toenail out again I hope it is going to work this time.

I got a call from Shari and Rich last night. The house has mold and it is black, but the good news is that its only on the wallboard which can be replaced. Rich is finding out how much it is going to take to get this problem taken care of. I called the owners with the news and ask them to go and check out the problem for themselves. They are not interested and looking at it. They are going to take our word for the problem and how much to repair it. As soon as I get this last piece of info I can start neotiations again.

P tired after her trip to Dallas today but it is 100 degrees and the heat got to her. She rested and is up working on her blog. Stop by and leave her a message she is really enjoying them.

Other Shoe

The other shoe has finally dropped today. P Doctor has finally given up he has been so slow to give up Bless him he has tried every thing he could.

Michelle's other grandfather is going to drive her here to ABQ. Michelle and I are scheduled to fly to big D on Thursday. I guess D will meet us at the airport. I am so anxious to see P but the conditions are terrible.

I started negotations this week. Started out with tea and packets here at the house. Bev has given me a counter offer over the phone at the same time that they ask me to go to Texas. I was pretty emotional at the time she gave the same counter that she was throwing out without any input from the rest of the partners. She lied again that they had spent some time discussing this and they came up with the same she was throwing out at the table. She lied about showing athe house several times. We have proved that go one has been in the house but me and the people with me. After discussing it with Pat he was thinking more clearly than I am. I called back an gave another counter.

I have been cancelling doc appointments and rescheduleing some of them. Help me think of what I can do or say for P. I want to be with her but I'm not sure I can do it.

New Statement to Live by

Found this on the internet i like it.

Life is to short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

I like this!

Happy Fourth of July

Strange 4th I have spent the day by myself. Gloria came and did a massage other than that I have been by myself. Shari called this morning she is working today and doing a cookout for everybody working there. I spent the day writting letters to the docs and hosptials to get hubby's medical records sent to me. I mailed off the information to have the VA requesting the records be sent to them so they can check on the reason for his death If we can show a military connection it means several more hundreds of dollars a month for me.

Penni and I decided we needed statement attached to the back of the prayer in the picture frame in Michelle's bedroom. I've been working on one. I'm going to post it here also deleting some of the names.

This sampler was made in 1953 by Grandma C she was Grandma Bs mother. Grandma B was Grand Tena's mother. Your mother use to go to Colorado to spend part of the summer with her. Grandma C's husband was in the Civil War this is documented with the Daughters of the Confederacy. You are entitled to belong to the Daughters of the Confederacy.

The sampler was made for Uncle P before he was born 1953. The sampler is a prayer that was hung in Uncle P's room until he grew up. The prayer was hung again in your mother's room until she grew up. The prayer was hung again in Cousin M's room until she grew up Mommy ask for the prayer so M could have it in her room. The prayer was located, restored and sealed in the picture frame for you. Please take care of it for your little girl or boy.

Grandma C taught Grandma Tena to embroidery when Grandma Tena was 5 years old. Grandma Tena embodied the pillows for you mommy.

I hope this hides enough for the internet. I also hope it is enough information so a little girl won't forget the importance of the picture.

PENNI was just here

Penni and family were just here for only 3 days. Penni ate at Dions twice one of the things she wanted to do. We all went to Santa Fe to the National Cementary. There was a head stone for her fathers grave. I have been so spacey for all the the things about his death. I have just shoved all of that stuff away and I haven't been able to look at it. We went on to Glorieta to the Prayer Garden it was beautiful. The flowers left a lot to be desired. The plantings up there were so great in the past years. Hubby would have been disappointed. The shopping in Santa Fe was great my only second time in Coldwatercreek. I found a beautiful blouse for Penni just her style and on sale too. Problemly my only purchase in that expense store. We all had lunch at La Fonta a large round table so good to have that much of my family together. We were only missing B and family. We had some pictures taken I hope they come out good. I am anxious to see them. I was worried that the day would be too emotional but we all did pretty well. in spite of all the high emotions. We all hurt so deep in spite of our trying to hold it all in. David just carried it off well he loves Penni so much to be able to do this for her. They are off on the airplane home this morning. I couldn't get up to see them off. The walking yesterday just finished off my knees and I am having trouble walking. Also, I was so short of breath up in Glorieta that my chest hurt from the panting I was doing.

I have an appointment for a head MRI today I hope I can do it without panicking. I am trying to tell myself that I have to try and take care of myself now but that is hard to do. I just know I can't take care of Penni any more and boy does that hurt. They found a knot on my thyroid I don't know what that means yet. Shari has offered to go to the MRI with me today.

Patio home is on hold until I get some figures from the contractors.

Life is moving fast

I have been seeing a counselor I am hoping it will keep me from having anymore meltdowns. I am hoping that will satisfy my primarly care doc. I don't want to take any anti-depression pills.

A for sale sprouted up a few doors from Shari. It turned out to be the same floor plan as hers but it has been rented for the last 5 years and needs some TLC. I am trying to get some idea if I can qualify to buy it. I may not have enough money to buy it and fix it up too. I thought I had a VA loan coming but I found out that I don't. If hubby had died of a disability I could have the loan but because he didn't the paper for the VA loan is worthless.

You spend almost 57 years thinking of both of us as one individual and it is hard to seperate yourself after hubby leaves.

I have these grand plans of how I could buy the house and finish my 3 months on this lease and have the house fixed up while I am waiting out my lease. I would like to move into a freshly fixed up house so that I don't have to do anything. Shari has been throwing cold water on all my plans saying that it should be a fixer upper and that I should wait to do the repairs until after I move in. Otherwise the buyers would want more money for the house after it was fixed up. I now am having second thoughts about buying it. I don't want them tearing up the tiles in the bathroom, and painting after I move in. No, the more I think about it the more I don't want to live in the house while it is being repaired. Oh well it was a good idea anyway.

Yesterday was my Birthday and I had tummy problems all the night before so my lunch out and dinner out was very unsatifactory. Penni and Michelle called and sang Happy Birthday to me I am so anxious to see them next week. We are planning a outing to Santa Fe and Glorieta. Pat and family took me to dinner. Melissa and I had lunch and shopped a little I bought a dress but I think I will take it back. Bruce called while we were looking at the house and of course he doesn't want me to buy anything for 4 years as the housing market will be going down that long. I may not be alive in 4 years.

Well like I say life is moving on and am I moving with it or standing still?

Doctors Appointment

I had a terrible docors appointment. I went without taking my shingles and pain medication. I am so addicted to the pain medication. I had a melt down at the doctors office. She over reacted and wanted me to see a psychiatrist. She was holding me hostage. I had to call Pat to come an rescue me. I thought I had messed up a blood test that I took a couple of weeks ago. I went without taking my medication, so I could take another blood test. I have tried to tell her how addicted I am to that pain medication. I have to be able to get off of it some how.

Now I have to see some one to please this doctor. I still think I am entitled to a metle down once in a while. My apartment is getting to me, I can't seem to get it sorted out. I spent all yesterday afternoon trying to get my bath room put together. I am still throwing away old drugs of hubbys, also I had several bottles that my arthritis doctor had me get. I don't remember taking any of them I was in the hospital in Dallas or the rehabe. They have me taking anti depresents again. I don't know how that is going to work. I tried it once before about a year ago and it didn't work then I don't know if it will again.

Melissa, Richie and I went to early services again. Richie is so good when he is with only us. When we are with Daniel he has to compete. Shari and I went shopping for a coffee table today the one I really want is 12 inches too long. There is a round one that is a possiblity. I have to make up my mind by 6:oo pm tommorrow night. The sale goes off then. I hate to have pressure put on me. I still haven't come up with a price for the wall unit I put in the living room . I need to pay for it first.

Today's paper has come classes from the senior centers. There is one in June to be able to put ditgal pictures on the computer send them on e-mail. I think I will try to get in that one.

Unpacking still going on

I am still unpacking. My friend Shari has taken up a goodbit of my time. That is good I'm not worring about what is going on in Texas. P seems to be doing good inspite of the chemo.

My wicker furniture arrived yesterday. I love it. Some problems but I hope they will go away soon.

Last night was my first investment club meeting everyone was there it was great. I'm back in officially the buy in wasn't too great. No meetings for the summer but we start again in September and are planing a trip either late October or the first of November. It is so great to be with them again. Most of them came to Texas to visit me last October. Billie spent alittle while with me today. I didn't realize how worried they were about me while I was in Texas. I know I was really low but Billie could hear it in my voice.

I got a traffic ticket Sunday night there was no place to park on either side of the street except on the yellow line and I parked there and of course it was a $20.00 fine.

Shari is off tomorrow I don't know where we will go. Maybe she will help me here I still need to do a picture wall in the living room. I put pictures up in the bedroom with Billie's help.

Finally I have an Internet connection

Grandson Eddie flew out to Canton on 4/19 Steven was a no show, that meant we had to pull my car behind the U-haul. Numbe one son came down to help me pack the truck and get me out of Texas. We started packing on Saturday night, we could never have got everything packed without number one son. Sunday and I had some more help my terrific massage therapist and her husband. They came and volunteered to be the muscle to carry everything to the truck. Number one son was in the truck packing everything. So far I have only found a couple of some small things that was damaged. One of my small bamboo shelves was dropped and some of the main posts are split very heavily. Hubbies foot locker that I had painted is sporting a big foot print. I wonder who that belongs to, another coat of paint will fix that.





I was panic stricken when I was directed to my new apartment one way was up 6 steep cement steps without a rail. Then along a sidewalk to the north a short way and west several feet to the apartment. That was really out of the question. I was having trouble breathing at sea level the mile high city was worse. There is a city street behind the apartments offering parking but the only way to the apartment was down a steep parking a city sidewalk and gravel , grass slope. I was fantic they couldn't find another apartment for me. I ask that stepping stones be added to the slope. They agreed but the landscaping people would have to do the work. I had volunteered to pay for the stepping stones. It has taken 2 weeks for them to get them installed but they work well. I am not afraid of falling like I was on the gravel.



The apartment is great the two bedrooms is working out a lot better than one. I have so much stuff to put in an offiice. While I was packing the roll top desk, I was wondering where I was going to put all of it if, I sold the desk. So the simple idea was just to take it with me.

The only thing that son was upset about was the patio table I use as a kitchen table. It is wrought iron and the legs don't come off. I just told every one that number one son was in charge and just do it his way and everything would go well and, it did. I'm giving number one son a hard time but really if he hadn't come down my time schedule would never have worked. He was wonderful to take his weekend to help momie pack and get out of Texas.



I am so set on doing a white wicker bedroom but I can't find any white wicker. I have been trying to buy some on line. It is out of New York they are suppose to pay the shipping I hope they do that is a long way.



My friend Shari from the neighborhood association has been a great friend, she has run around with me looking at furniture and she has sold me some of the furniture she hauled back from California. Shari's aunt passed away and she brought some of the really nice pieces back. I got a great leather chair and foot stool the chair reclines without being a recliner per say. The next piece is really a wall unit. Two book cases with a piece that includes a drop down desk. I am trying to fit it into my living room. Annie has been great to take me out and cheer me up when I am blue about leaving P in Texas.

Pat and family have just been living with me helping in everything Pat and wife put my kitchen hutch together. Don't ever buy furniture that has to be put together what a nightmare a jillen little pieces and all those screws. Melissa has been here emptying boxes and lugging books around grandma can't decide where she wants them.

Mother's day was great we all went to church together and finished that off with bar que from Powdell's. I received telephone calls from P and from number one son.

I think that catches my life up to the present. I promise it won't be that long before I post again.

internet problems

There is something wrong with the Wildblue equipment at my house. For the less than 20 days I am going to be there, I'm not going to pay for the service call. I am at p house using her wildblue connectiion to pay bills and hopefully finish my income tax.

I am living in a sea of boxes and things for our estate sale. They start moving them out on Tuesday. I have all my clothes in a suitcase so we can sell the desser and chest of drawers. The bedside tables were the hardest to clear out.

I'm going to be living here with an empty house for a week before the boys get here to drive me back to Albuquerque.

When I get back to Albuquerque I'll have more to say and a new e-mail address.

Blessed

I am always leary of people who go around saying how Blessed they are but I have felt that way so much lately. The people at church are going to move everything for my estate sale to a house in the middle of Canton on the main highway. It couldn't be a more perfect place to hold the sale. The moving of everything is going to be a huge huge job, but I have been assured that they will take care of all of it.

Talking with my friend that lost her husband a month before mine, I have felt Blessed that hubby was concerned enough about me to give me his retirement income when he died. When we retired we could have retired 9 different ways. We worked out how much each of us would have if the other one died. We equaled that out, so that each of us had the same amount of money if the other one died. We took less money while hubby was alive so that I could recieve his retirement after he was gone. Neither of us had a lot of life insurance but my income is enough that I can live comfortably on it. I do feel Blessed that hubby was concerned about how I could live monetarially without him.

Two other super friends have been apartment shopping for me all day Friday and found me what sounds like a perfect apartment. The apartment is just up the hill from Coors and Montano, behind the pizza place. We have been faxing the first forms to get the process started today. Two bedrooms in over 1,000 square feet, and in my price range if I sign a 6 months lease. Heaven forbid one move is enough I don't plan on moving again any time soon. I guess I shouldn't even thing that. Now I have to line up my grandsons to pack me and drive me to Albuquerque.

FRIENDS

The title of my blog is in caps because my friends that just left are just that capitol people. Two of my good friends from New Mexico have been here for almost a week. They came to pack me up so I could move. Now that is friends that are SUPER. It has taken me several days to get over there being here. Trying to keep up with them just about did me in.

I drove to Dallas yesterday P was along to keep me awake but we did just fine. I am going to be able to drive again. This having to have people take me to Dallas is for the birds.

My patio home in Albuquerque didn't work out so. A couple of friends are looking at apartments for me. It is so upseting not to know where I am going to land. I think I will be more settled once I know where I am going.

Well, I have just been told I can't hold an estate sale here. I have just read my lease and it does not say anything about an estate sale. Now do I go ahead and hold one and make a enemy of the mangers that have been friends or do I try to do something else. At this point I don't know what the something else would be. Does anyone have a suggestion?

Decisions, Decisions

Going through drawers and baskets under the bathroom sinks. I have a large bag to go to the good will. I have a large box of things for P and her m inlaw. I still have a lot of things to be mailed to Melissa( I can't find a box the right size to mail her things in).

A good friend in Albuquerque is chasing down a patio home in my old neighborhood. I have been waiting almost a week to hear about that one. I am waiting for an apartment magzine from P. I can't seem to be content to wait on a place to movein to. I would be a lot more at peace if I knew where I would be living in Albuquerque.

I'm waiting to hear if I can hold an estate sale here at the lakeside village. It will be a huge problem to move every thing somewhere else to sell. I'm still thinking of maybe taking only a u-haul trailer behind my car rather than a u-haul truck. Do I want to take a bed, table and chairs, and the two recliners. That would be the bare minimal to start over again with, or do I really want to really start over again and buy everything new.

I start rehab next week. I hope to have more strength so I can do more things.

My son tells me I don't have to rename my blog, so I'll leave it alone for now.

Caregiver?

I became a caregiver with a doctors diagnose for my hubby. When he was diagnosed with Alzhemhiers. I spent 6 years as his caregiver and added my daughter and grandaughter with the cancer diagnose 3 1/2 years ago. As fast as I became a caregiver my duties were over first hubby died and then my heath hit rock bottom. First came shingles the biggest warning sign that could have hit me. Next the vertebras in my back began to crumble. Since Thanksgiving three of my vertebras have crumbled and I have had to have surgery. I can no longer take care of someone else and most of the time I can't take care of myself



My oldest son told me that caregivers only last 18months before their health begins to fail. I guess I outlasted that by a few years. The decisons that my health has forced on me have been so painful that I have been trying to avoid them. My oldest son has been forceing them.

I can no longer stay in Texas, I have become a liabilty to my daughter rather than a help. It has been a very unsetting to me to be a liability rather than the caregiver. I am going back to Albuquerque the end of April when my lease is up. I now have the big big task of clearing out my house and moving.

I have spent the last 10 days of getting rid of paper, paper and more paper. I am going to try and sell everything I can so that I don't have to move so much. I have friends trying to find me a place to live in Alb. It will make things so much more settleing to have a place to movein in Alb.

I need a new name for my blog as I can't be a caregiver anymore.

4 visits to hospitals

Starting with last Thanksgiving, all the month of December I was in either Kaufman Pres hospital , Baylor hospital or Baylor Rehab. I had back surgery December 13th kphoplasty for vertebral compression fractures. The first fracture was up high where my bra strap goes across.
Second vertbra was low in my back. Second surgery was January 28. Third vertbra was low on my back about the same place as the second one. I was in pain with the third vertbra a very long time. We couldn't get the third surgery scheduled soon enough. Third surgery was February 14.

I spent another weekend in hospital in Tyler while they checked out my heart and lungs. Heart docs want me not to drink too much as I am water logged. No salt at all. The minute you go into the hospital or parimeds they plugg you into a IV. Three times Baylor has done x-rays, ekg's, lots of blood work and P tests. Never once have I been told to stop drinking water and they have hooked me up to IV's the whole time, it makes sence to restrick salt.

B was down from Okla for the first surgery, but I have had to arrange for rides to and from Dallas. P and David were with me for the second surgery, they were also with me for the weekend Tyler hosptal stay. P from Albuquerque flew into for the couple of days after surgery. P flew back to Albuquerque this morning. I am going to have to beg another ride to Dallas for my next check with back suregon.

My Sunday School class and the mission circles at church has been so terribly teriffic. It takes about 6 hours to drive to Dallas see doctors and drive home. You need to understand this is more than a 15 minute drive across town and an hour in a doctors office. This is a full day committment to take me to the doctor in Dallas.

My primary care doctor has given me some new medicine it is call Foreteo. I give myself a shot in the tummy every night at 10:00. Literature with this new med says " after you have had the first vertebra compression fracture you are 5 times as likely to have a second one, after you have had the second one you are as 12 times as likely to have a third." They didn't go on from there I am afraid to ask about the 4th or 5th. B ask if they could just fill them all up they have to be fractured to fil them up but medicare only lets them do 3 at one time. So far my MRI's only show the one at the time.

20 degrees below 0

45 years ago Colorado was in the deep freeze. It was 20 degrees below 0 and my water had just broke. It was about 10:00 at night, the boys were in bed ready for school the next day. My next door neighbor was alerted to get the boys off the school the next day. Hubby was at a young chamber of commerce meeting. This was a long long time before the days of cell phones. I called around trying to find out where the meeting was held. By the time I found out it where it was they were long time gone. Hubby finally came home and we started to the hospital on the icy and snowy streets of Pueblo, Colorado.

My labor wasn't very long and we had a beautiful little girl. She was a very very little girl 5 pounds and 5 ounces. They made me stay in the hospital almost a week. She lost weight and they were trying to get her to gain more weight before she went home. Once I got her at home and off the supplement bottle they had her on she gained weight and just did great.

I've missed seeing her today she had chemo and I had an appointment with the rehab people. I took her gifts over and left them, I also baked one of the applesauce cakes for her. I know she can't eat much of the cake but maybe a taste of it will help.

Pain

Pain is taking up most of my time. I am going from one pain pill to another. I have tried to up my pain pills but that just puts me to sleep. I can live on just the one pain pill but I can't seem to do much else. I am having trouble getting rides to Dallas for my appointments. They did a
M RI on Friday. I had a very delightful day. One of my Sunday School mates drove my car to Dallas. We stopped at Hobby Lobby on the way back and had lunch at Salt Grass. Hobby Lobby doesn't have anymore embroidery kits. I am reduced to stamping my own. I did do a set of pilllow cases in cats. I quess I will give them to Michelle or Melissa they both like cats. The other stamp pictures are of hummingbirds and morning glories.

I have to go back to the Doctor on Wednesday if Steven can't take me I will have to try they Sunday School class again.

Tuesday is P birthday she has chemo on that day. I have several gifts for her I'm going to give them to her on Monday instead. They are gone to South Texas for the weekend. I am hoping it hasn't been too much for her.

I am going to tackle Melissa's room Monday she has left so many clothes. It is going to cost me a fortune to mail it all to her.

Happy New Year 2008

Home At Last

I came home yesterday, and all of my kids called to see if I was alright. I'm getting around the house but slow. I started this yesterday and my computer crashed. I spent the day yesterday waiting for my help here in the village to be available. Gloria finally called about Michelle's birthday party. I bought Michelle a Bible book at First Monday sometime ago. I hid it in my closet and I found it for her. I'm sorry I didn't have more for her.

Penni is looking very tired, she wants so much to have this party for Michelle. None of the little girls from school showed up. The same thing happened last summer at the unbirthday party. Michelle's brownies showed up last summer and she had a great party. Her cousins being here has made this birthday a good one in spite of Mommie being sick and grandma hopping around.

I got a e-mail from a long ago friend. I have often wondered what happened to her. When they moved to Texas our lives took different paths and we lost track of each other. I understand we are both widows now. Maybe we can catch up on our lives>

I am still having trouble making the term widow apply to me. I am still having lots of pain in just moving in the morning. I have taken lots of pain meds and I will try to get dressed. My village help is tied up this morning, if they don't materize this afternoon I am going shopping by myself.

Busy Week

What a busy week. I have found a way to keep the power cord to my computer plugged in. Bruce went home Sunday and I found someone to wheel me through the tunnel on Tuesday. I got to spend an hour with Penni. Penni went home yesterday.

I had water therapy 4 days this last week. The pool will be shut down for repair the next two weeks so that is the last pool therapy for me. The pool was great.

I am sore but I am able to move around alot more. One of the pt therapist says she can move my pelivis and tailbone to relieve the nerve pain. I hope the doc's give her enough time to try that this coming week.

They are giving me a pass to go to Penni's for Christmas day. I hate that David has to drive me both ways. I need to call P later today to see if she has that worked out.

I'm going to read some blogs to find out what is going on.

Rehab

Monday they have a very agressive schedule for me in rehab today I hope I can do all of it. One of the doc's this morning said I would do good in water therpay I hope they schedule m.e for that.

My computer has not been working Bruce thought my battery was shot. I am getting a low message now. The cord for power isn't working unless I hold it. More later

Over

Surgery fiished, the surgery wasn't bad but due to a shortage of beds. I stayed in the recovery room until I could come back to rehab today. They closed down the recovery I was in about 11:00 pm last night. The warehoused us about 6 of us in a

larger recovery in another hospital.



Strange feeling to just be warehoused without a nurse assigned or even a call button to call someone. After a lot of yelling and screaming on my part. I got some attention. They were all too glad to put me to sleep to shut me up. I can't believe they would treat people that way.



I am back in rehab I'm not too sure how this will work. I am still sore and hurt flat of my back above my tailbone and my tailbone. Is this some other problem or just sore from all of the exercise over last weekend.

Surgery

Liz (from the surgerons office) came in a few minutes ago and said surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. This surgery is suppose to be a miracle. They will put a balloon in the verabay blow it up, they will deflate and fill the same space with cement. This is suppose to take care of my pain. I will still have the nerve damage to the left leg. I hope they will re admit me to take care of the nerve damage so I can move my left leg. I also need to be able to climb the stairs to the deck, so I can get in to the house.

Bruce is down from OK. He will be staying at my house and driving back and forth. P is back in the hospital. She has a bowl impaction and an infection again. I have tried to call her but her hospital phone isn't working. A early surgery is better than waiting all day to have one. They still haven't transfered me from re-hab to the hospital.

Will post more after surgery.

Catch up

I will try to fill in the rest of this story. I am now in re-hab at Baylor. I have a fractered veribray. No spelling book so my spelling is terrible. The brake is up under my bra line but my pain is in my tail bone. They have put me in a brace I have to wear when I am up. They have been giving me 3 hours of therapy a day. It is getting very painful.

We talk to the doc tomorrow about surgery.

More, More Pain

Thusday I managed to get a few things for Christmas at Walmart while I was waiting for a perscription to be filled.

I was very ill Thursday night and in a lot of pain. Friday morning when D called I couldn't get out of bed. It took me 20 minuets to get to the front door to let him in. D called an ambulance and shipped me off to the hospital in Kaufman. D stayed with me all day in the ER and unil than put me into a room. B came down and both D and B stayed with me along with Dr. Zaleta to see what to do next. We deceided on a tranfer to Baylor and me doc than in Kaufman.

Sunday was just a down day nothing much going on.

Monday we started in with tests and ended with a MRI

More More Pain

Thursday I had progressively trouble getting around with the walker. I managed to get some things for Christmas bought at Walmart while I was waiting for a drug perscription.



I hurt all Thusday night in bed and Friday morning I couldn't move. D called me and I told him I couldn't get out of bed. It took me 20 minutes to get to the front door to let D in. D calle ambulance and shipped me off to the hospital in Kaufman. D stayed with me all day in the ER

More Pain

Monday November 26 I had a x ray of my hips and a test for blood clots. They couldn't find anything at Kaufman and sent me to se RA doc.

I managed to keep my dental appointment on Tuesday.

Wednesday I had one of the stangest doc appointments with the RA Doc. It was very late in the day and every one was rushing arounding trying to get out of the office. The doc blew in for about two minutes and took one look at me and said saic nerve and left. I had this troop of people rushing around and giving me 6 or 8 shots in my back. I kept asking what they were putting in the only answer I could get was something like a pain killer you have had the dentist. By then I hurt so bad I quess I just let them do anything if it would stop the pain. They then used a 10 units on my back. While using 10 units they puts strips on my arch of my foot and my heel. This had needles in it that hurt like hell. I think they were measuring my nerve reaction> They were going to sent that off to be read<> I was rushed out of there with an appointment for some kind of a spinal cord test with dye on December 10th in Tyler.

I managed to drive home for Tyler after dark.

Pain

It has been less than a month since I have blogged and so much has happened. My whole world has changed. With M and Melissa's help I cooked Thanksgiving Dinner. I got through Thanks giving holding on to everything. Counter tops stoves any thing upright. B came down and I had all the kids together. We had a picture taken you can see it on Pat's site. I kept looking for hubby. We all missed him saying Grace. But his son did a great job.

Melissa when home and the house was very empt for Sadie and I.

Pain

It hasn't been month since my last post and the my whole world has changed. I got through Thanksgiving with M and Melissa helping me cook. I hung on to every counter top and stove to stay upright. They let P come home for Thanksgiving. B came down and it was good to have all the kids together. I kept looking for hubby he wasn't there to say grace, his son did great as well.

Melissa went home and the house seems very empty.

Pizza

Melissa doesn't like to hear my stories, so I quess I will just have to post them here.

When Hubby came home from overseas, the boys were about 2 and 4. Hubby was stationed at El Torro in California. We lived in town Santa Ana for awhile and then moved into base housing. Old barracks type of apartments three or four apartments downstairs and the same up stairs. We lived in the middle with aparments on both sides of us. They gave us a three bedroom apartment the boys had one room and we had another and the third was used as a storeage room. This was the last stop for us in the military.

We very seldom went out at night we couldn't afford a babysitter and most of the time one was never available. But, we did go out one night with several other couples to Irving California. We had red wine and pizza. I had never had pizza before and had never heard of it. We had a great time. Little old Pueblo Colorado hadn't heard of pizza. Hubby didn't come back from Japan talking about pizza. I'm sure some interprizing guy brought the idea from back east some where. Just a small little pizza joint serving wine or beer with pizza. About 10 miles from a very large Marine Airbase.

Well that's my stupid little story for tonight.

Pain

My walking at First Monday has really done me in. I at first thought that I could walk out the soreness from my walking, but walking has just made it worse. Saturday I went to workshop for missions at Mineola. I forced myself to walk in a large room several times. When I got home I was in so much pain I couldn't walk. I tried the heat and cold all Saturday night it helped very little. Sunday morning I even tried a epsom salt bath. That is a difficult operation in a bathtub as small as ours. I tried calling my massaage gal but didn't get in touch with her. I tried today my bone crusher, it seems to have helped. I'm still moving slow but in less pain than before. I've been doing two pain pills during the day.

Friends

The last few days my friends have been here from Albuquerque. That really shows you good friends when they come all the way to see me. Thursday we went to I-Hop to meet them for dinner. Friday morning they came for breakfast, it was teriffic. Melissa and I had to make quiche on Thursday night because the bakery didn't make the quiche.

Friday was Melissa Birthday and because she had to spend it with a bunch of old ladies her attitude was lousy. The Girls bought her a smell bear that smelled like lavender. She thanked them but not very well. We all took her out to dinner to celibate. She told me later it was a terrible Birthday. She much prefered last year because she got presents. I offered to buy her what she wanted but she didn't want anything.

Saturday morning we went back to First Monday Melissa now wants to buy everything in sight. I have trouble keeping a handle on the money I took. She is going to have to re imburse me for part of the money that was spent.

The little town of Canton was so logged with cars that we couldn't even go after the mail today.

The afternoon was just down time at home. I have been trying to do laundry and hem up some pants I bought. Melissa has spent most of the afternoon sleeping I have insisted she wake up but she has been watching TV and do nothing. I have been trying to account for the money spent, it has been difficult.

It has become event that Melissa cannot stay with me any longer, it has become impossible to get her to do anything. I can no longer put up with ther attitude.

October 24, 1950

San Bernadino, California 3:00 pm Temperature is a warm 72 degrees the sun is shinning, the sky is a clear blue. A young couple walks out of a church in the warm sunshine to see school getting out across the street. All the young students are glad to be out of school and are runing in every direction. Tena and Bill were just married in the Baptist Church. Not a lot of people were in attendance, just the brides parents and the groom's mother. Tena and Bill would begin there married life in the Mojave desert. There first love nest would be a 18 foot trailer. Tena immediately tried to burn it down by putting a cake in the oven and taking off to the base to pick up Bill a 20 mile round trip. Neighbors in the trailer park jimmed the door open and saved the day by turning off the oven. The cake was a crispy critter. Our biggest wedding gift was old coupe car. This really saved us we were living 10 miles from the base an really needed transportation. The groom had just signed up for additional six years of the Marine Corp.

This was the last half of the 20th century, the beginning of the Korean War. The founding of a dynasty. Four children, 3 living, 6 grandchildren, 1 great grandson. Three sons, first son with a doctorate, second son with a masters, third son died at birth. Only daughter's passion is working with newborns in intensive care. Three granddaughters oldest married, middle is making a career of taking care of grandma, the youngest busy being a second grader. Three grandsons oldest making a name for himself in media and news, middle is trying his luck with Walmart, the youngest is in construction. Great grandson living with his Mom in Arizona we don't see nearly enough of him.

We almost made 57 years and people said it wouldn't last.

Good News

I went to take granddaughter to her mom after school today. Mom was very tired it had been a long week of chemo and radition. While I was there she got a phone call from her doc's office. Her blood markers for cancer that had been over 600 were down to about 287. We don't know what is working, chemo, radition, prayer or every thing but it is very good news.

I had one of my newest friends offer to drive daughter today. This left Melissa and I free to go to pumpkin patch with Michelle. It takes so little to make her happy we have to keep up with her. We have been so worried about P that we tend to forget how much the little one needs.

P has a list of things that needs to be done. Melissa and I are going to have to start going over on the week ends and tackeling that list. P treatments take all of her energy. The thing that we can't do is paint her hallway we have to find someone to do that. I just had an idea who could do that. Next time I get a massage I will have to check that out.

After 10 days

Daughter is home after 10 days of being in the hospital. She has to go back Monday through Friday for radition. We set down and wrote down a schedule for the next 5 weeks. That means two to three trips a times for the next 5 weeks. Melissa has had to grow up a lot this last week. She had to give up two special things at Church one Saturday afternoon and the goodbye meeting for the youth director. I gave Melissa a treat today she had her first massage. I am trying very hard to see that she has some time away from old granny.

Daughter seems to be doing some better, she is able to eat a little and is having some small BM's. These things are what all the chemo and radition is for, if we can just get her blood marker's down. She has chemo every Monday the same day she has radition. Her nausea is over whelming I just hope we can keep it under control. I am so glad that Melissa is here to help with the driving. I drove all the way to Dallas on Sunday and I drove most of the way home on Monday.

We had our own taste tests today. Michelle, Melissa and I we tried 3 different energy bars. We have decided on one to put in our cooler pack that we carry in the car. Thank heavens it was the cheaper one. Melissa had a blood sugar crash on Monday. She had disliked her sandwich Monday and the package of chips didn't take her through the rest of the day. I have boiled some eggs and she is eating them for breakfast that will cover her protein in the morning. Now maybe the energy bars can pick up for anyother emergency.

I certainly hope Michelle will be better with mommy home. She just doesn't need to give her Mom the attitude she has given her grandma's the last 10 days.

I called Jenny yesterday I got a 20 minute spell and then came the clicher the enrollment fee if $500.00 per year.

Keep praying for all of us we are just doing what has to be done every day.

Columbus Day

I can't turn on the TV without someone trying to sell me something because it is Columbus Day. I didn't know that East Texas has a heavy Italian population? I know it is just another excuse to sell, sell, sell cars, mattress's and etc.



Forty four years ago I was very pregnant and living in Pueblo, Colorado which did have a large Italian population. Hubby was working for IBM and was a very big presence in the young up and coming young JC's. We had two lively little boys that I had trouble keeping up with. The wives of the young JC's had a maternity closet of clothes that was circulated among those that needed them. I was lucky to have the use of the black printed corduroy. The corduroy had litle pink roses on it. I thought I really looked good with a black sweater under the smock top and a corduroy skirt that matched the smock top. We were invited to a Columbus Day dinner. The dinner was held in the Italian part of town. The lodge hall was upstairs over the commercial stores down stairs. The room was full of long tables pushed together all the length of the room and as many rows of tables as they could get into the room. The chairs were back to back and very difficult to get up or down and neogotiate getting down the row of tables. When you are prenant you have to make a lot of trips to the little girls room. The speeches went on forever and the temperature in the room kept rising. The spaghetti was very, very good and everything that went with it.



These are my thoughts as we are approaching Columbus Day.

National Cementary

Maybe 20 years ago, Billie and I were attending one of our many Union Conventions. We were having breakfast in a lovely dinning room filled with windows. We could look across a busy highway and see the mist drifting over the tomb stones of the Santa Fe National Cementary. The peace that I felt in my heart was overwhelming. I said to to no one but with Billie listening I would like to be burried there. I later related that feeling and conversation to my hubby. He perked up and said he would look into it. I think he went to look for himself and felt the same way. Years later he tried to make reservations but they never admitted he had. Hubby was always so proud of the fact that he had served and spent 8 years of his life in the military. He would have been a career man but he felt God had other plans for him. He felt at one time it was in the ministry. But his ministry was with little ones, every time we met a former student of his they were always glad to see him. He made a big impression on everyone he taught, how much and what they learned we will never know but they did remember him. God used him to teach they little ones for 27 years. His ministry in a church was brief and short lived, his Alheimers took over and kept him from fulfilling that part of his life.

Hubby was so proud of being an old soldier. He worked so hard at the State Defense Force, he spent so many hours and so much effort into an organization that doesn't remember him or else doesn't exist any more.

I feel hubby is finally at peace and feels he is at last in a place where he is remembered that he did serve and with distintion. Santa Fe National Cementary holds many an old and some not so old soldiers. Among them are friends known and unknown, hubby and I went to some services there. Hubby was present at so many services for State Denfense Force friends, maybe they really are all gone. It is a comfort to know that John and Jean are already there waiting for us. Annie's hubby is already there and there is a place for her. How terrific that finally there is no secration and Annie and her hubby are as welcome there as the rest of us. Only in our lifetime has that come to past. I could not have made it through everything in Albuquerque if it wasn't for Annie. Great friends like that are hard to find.

I can't post about P yet the pain is too fresh and hard to bear.

Finally home

We finally arived home on September 10th. What would I do without great friends? I had a great friend drive me home. I was so afraid for Melissa and I to try it on our own. The three of us had a long trip. We didn't get to stop early enough and we were very tried by the time we found a motel to spend the night. We arrived home early on Sunday to a very good looking home. We spent 3 hours taking my friend to Love Field on Monday morning in a heavy rain storm. We then spent the rest of Monday at Baylor with P. P finally got to go home on Saturday. We were over their on Sunday watching the visiting nurse set everything up for P home care. I can't do any thing in getting the stuff ready for the night feeding through her tummy. I am so glad her mother-in-law can do all of that. I spent all day Tuesday and Wednesay with P trying to take care of her but I couldn't do much. Her hubby was out of town so I got to sleep on the sofa to just be with her. She doesn't need anything to eat. I have just been taking care if Michelle.

I am really concerned about the amount of home work they are giving to 2nd graders. It takes my grandaughter from the time she comes home until she goes to bed to get her homework done. She doesn't have anytime to be a kid. She seems to have block against spelling. No matter how much we go over and over her words she can't remember them. She sail through her math and reading. If she can read why can't she spell?

My friend here in Texas was over this morning. I called to tell her I was home and she came over. We spent some time in prayer and just discussing the current problems and my stress level. She is such a dear to be johny on the spot to help me in prayer and encourage me to just keep on keeping on. I tried to get Melissa to fix tea and cookies for us this morning while Elizabeth was here. She had no idea how to fix a tea party for the three of us. Elizabeth thinks I am graceful, I feel like I have gained so much weight that I am a clumsy cow.

I have been teasing Melissa that she is my Paid Ladies Companion. I just haven't fiquered out how to pay her. Unfortunately she has never read a Gothic Novel about the poor paid ladies companion and her mysteries. I'm going to have to find one so she can read it to me. I quess the time she is spending with me can be used in comon cent training and everyday home refinements. I am so afraid that I am wasting Melissa's life in staying with me instead of being in school or working.

Melissa tells me that we never had tea parties when she was little. I quess I was so busy with the Union that I neglected my grandaughter. The next trip to the grocery store we need little cans of bisquits. I've sent Melissa off to the postoffice and grocery store so we can have a tea party for dinner tonight. If P doesn't need me tomorrow we may go to the bookstore.